Feeling Angry Today

CheerDad

Veteran Member

Joined : Apr 2004

Posts : 2284

Posted 5/4/2005 10:56 AM (GMT -6)

Went in to the hospital for treatment for a chronic illness yesterday. Have to go in every 8 weeks for an IV infusion that takes about 3 1/2 hours to do. Every time I come out, the next day I feel alot of anger. I have not been able to locate where the anger is coming from. Maybei it is from having to do this, feeling weak because I have this disease, the unfairness of life, I don't know. I do know that some of the anger is at myself for feeling so upset about having to have this treatment. I know I am much better off getting them, but still struggle with coming to terms with it.

Thanks for letting me share. I know this is minimal compared to the burdens others in this world carry and that too is a source of guilt.

We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

Randy

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AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 5/4/2005 11:33 AM (GMT -6)

Randy,

Don't minimize your illness by comparing it to others. Truth is, you are spending 3 1/2 hours getting an infusion and then whatever amount of time it takes for you to feel 'normal' again. That STINKS. It is the way it is and you are stuck with it . . . and it stinks.

I think this is harder for a guy because if makes you feel vulnerable and weak. But, in reality it has made you a better person because you are kind and understanding to people like me, here at the depression forum. I'm sorry life is so hard sometimes. . . but I'm glad to have friends like you here who understand chronic illness.

I hope you get your strength back quickly friend!!

Blessings!

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie

Psalms 139

_UCTD _{(Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}_Hashimoto's,_{High BP,}_{GI Inflamation,}_{Diverticuloses}

_{Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel}

_{Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today:}_{http://www.healingwell.com/donate/}

sober for good

Regular Member

Joined : Apr 2005

Posts : 68

Posted 5/4/2005 4:33 PM (GMT -6)

i know what you mean rosie. i always feel like i have to apoligize to my fiance when i cry or whatever, because i feel im the man and should act like it, but then again i realize that crying and getting everything out there is apart of getting rid of my depression. the other night, i was balling like a little baby, but i had never done that before with her and it seemed like it made us closer. i have such a fear of dying from a heart attack, that it actually made me cry, but before all of this i always made it seem like i wasn't concerned about it. but me crying like that made her take notice, and now we go on alot of bike rides, eat a ton better and just live healthy.

AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 5/4/2005 7:24 PM (GMT -6)

I could take a lesson from you Sober about eating better and exercise!! I have to work on that.

Glad you have a gal you can be open with!! That's great!

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie

Psalms 139

_UCTD _{(Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}_Hashimoto's,_{High BP,}_{GI Inflamation,}_{Diverticuloses}

_{Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel}

_{Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today:}_{http://www.healingwell.com/donate/}

Betagirl

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2003

Posts : 1928

Posted 5/5/2005 10:36 PM (GMT -6)

Hey Randy, I completely understand your anger :) I can't come to grips with the whole chronic illness either. My latest mantra is I'd rather have it kill me than restrict my life. Not rational of course. Something I'm trying to sort through. It's to the point that it clouds my thinking in terms of taking my meds. I'm in such a high state of denial that I border on stupid about them sometimes. Hang in there brother.

"Only the meek get pinched...the bold survive."

Camey0777

Regular Member

Joined : Jun 2004

Posts : 199

Posted 5/6/2005 8:09 AM (GMT -6)

Hi Cheerdad,

I know it's tough to have a disease that requires so much time and energy to just to try and keep it under control. When there is no cure. It's a never ending battle. And even tough others in the world may be worse off then you, we are all humans and all have emotions and believe me what is going on with your health is a big deal to you and in so many ways devestates your life. You know my story and I am so far from being out off the woods. I am constamtly thinking daily that my life could easily die at the drop of a hat. I have my blood drawn daily here at home and get the call that my blood is still way to think and even with the cumedin it's not getting thinner, so it's not breaking down that bllod clot in my heart and lung. Not to mentionmI have crohn's to. but you know my story. I have so much anger as well, everytime I put anything in my mouth including water I am in constant unbearable pain. I talk to my stomach in anger pointing to my tummy saying what the heck is this, this is not what you are suposed to be doing, it's not normal not to eat..I have been on TPN 24/7 for nearly a year. It has been a whole year may 20th since I[ve actually had a meal. I run the gamit on emotions, I've been in the hospital 5 times this year. Have blood transfusions every two week, It's crazy all the things that are continueing to happen to me. I am having to face the fact that my life could very easily end at any moment. My life is so far fro normal... I mean my house used to be so clean, spotless, My clothes were pressed and hung up, I could cook dinner and keep house and go places and on vacations. but not anymore, I am home all the time. They come to take my blood every other day. I have home health nurse visits, I have iv pumps in my family room, boxes of medicL SUPPLIES AND TPN AND VITIMAN BAGS IN MY FRIDG. mY HUSBAND has to endure all of this and still go to work daily and wonders every time he leaves the house is he going to come home and find me dead. My son says the same thing, infact when my son comes in at 1 am after work and I am sleeping on the couch he always comes over to me to make sure I am breathing. My husband checks on me all the time. I can so relate to your depression, frustation and anger. I didn't sign up for this...But these are the cards I was dealt, I have to just pray and understand that God uses everything for good.. I don't pretend to understand what God is doing, but I have to have fatih that he knows what he's doing.. I am always around to talk to. It's good for all of us to vent, get pissed of, cry or scrream. What ever it is to make this life and the pain more tolerable... I hope you have a better day my friend.. You will be in my prayers as I know that I am in your prayers. I appreciate that you wonder about how I am doing and that you have an interest in all of us who are just pushing through each day... Take good care Cheerdad... We have alot more stength than we sometimes give ourselves credit for... Be well... Donna

Having2LeftFeet

Regular Member

Joined : Feb 2005

Posts : 472

Posted 5/6/2005 8:56 AM (GMT -6)

Hi, Randy,

Listen, you can't be in control every day. There are days where we don't even want to cope and with what you are going through is traumetic. Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember one thing. For every time you get down and angry, there is someone dying somewhere. May not be a comfort but it helps me. Give yourself some slack. You are your own best friend and with all of us here, you have a lot of support. Look how you have supported us. God bless!

"Lefty"

There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 5/6/2005 9:22 AM (GMT -6)

Hey Randy,

I wonder how you are feeling today. I hope that 5/4 was a time for processing your anger and moving on. Let us know if yo are 'stuck' there. Maybe we could help push you out of the mud. You have such a good way with helping others and I'm hoping that you are back to your positive self again.

Keep us posted.

Blessings!

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie

Psalms 139

_UCTD _{(Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}_Hashimoto's,_{High BP,}_{GI Inflamation,}_{Diverticuloses}

_{Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel}

_{Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today:}_{http://www.healingwell.com/donate/}

Never Alone

Regular Member

Joined : Apr 2005

Posts : 23

Posted 5/6/2005 10:33 AM (GMT -6)

noone should minimize their illness because its not just the illness that dibilitates us it is dealing with the emotional as well as the pyhiscal and if you feel that it is deficcult then were here for you

have you checked into the side effects of the fusion mabye anger is one or mabye its just the sitting there just waiting if it is take a book and read or take a friend and talk about old times anything to get your mind of it
take care we're here for you

I have walked the road of recovery

for sometime now

I look behind and see progress

though slow and alone it was

I look foward and see no end

I am alone.......

then a hand touched each shoulder so tender

so I looked to both sides and I found friends

who dont walk behind nor ahead

but by my side

I am not alone.......

and through my endless journey

I hope to see them reach

the end of thier road of recovery

I will always be here

but NEVER ALONE

I walk with my friends

CheerDad

Veteran Member

Joined : Apr 2004

Posts : 2284

Posted 5/6/2005 11:10 AM (GMT -6)

Wanted to update you all on where things are at. Doing much better these past couple of days. I guess the good thing is that I did recognize that I was angry and wanted to find its source so I did not carry it back home. I do believe that God loves me more than my happiness. If He allowed nothing but sunshine in my life, I would not recognize it and feel its warmth when it came. These times when I feel the burden of my illness only helps me recognize my need for Him in my life and His ability to give me strength to sail through the storm.

Randy

Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

dbab

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2004

Posts : 4151

Posted 5/6/2005 11:26 AM (GMT -6)

I am so glad to hear you are doing better Randy.

"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you."
- John De Paola

AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 5/6/2005 11:54 AM (GMT -6)

Thanks for the update Randy,

You are sooo right. Pinpointing our feelings then dealing with them is the way to go. Glad you are feeling the sunshine again too.

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie

Psalms 139

_UCTD _{(Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}_Hashimoto's,_{High BP,}_{GI Inflamation,}_{Diverticuloses}

_{Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel}

_{Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today:}_{http://www.healingwell.com/donate/}

Akram

Veteran Member

Joined : Feb 2005

Posts : 616

Posted 5/8/2005 9:22 AM (GMT -6)

Cheerdad, good to know your feeling better and hanging in there, and very nice to hear your words about GOD.

To camey you have brought me in tears yet again, i don't know what to say except god be with you and your family and i'm gona try and learn from you and cheerdad, and maybe enhance my own life and deal with my problems.. i have so much to learn from u, god bless you

To be or not to Be

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