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Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/1/2012 4:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I now have an ex-fiancee with 2 kids (1 and 4 years old) our 4 year old is autistic. She has been suffering from depression since our first child. She recently up and decided she wants to break up and date other people, well she already had one ready and hes 15 years older so hes 46 she is 31 (im 32). He was over at her house the day after she broke it off and around our kids after i asked her to give the kids time to adjust. She shows no emotion towards me now, its like the the last 6 years were nothing to her. Now i dont know what meds she is on but she has tried about 3 different kinds and was on and off them. about 4 months ago she started leaving the house to hang out with friends drinking more often and doing. 2 months ago she started her 3rd type of anti-depressants right when she started coming home at 3am in a taxi about 1-3 times a week. Its been 3 weeks today, just a few days ago she called me about 11:30pm after i sent her a text about something regarding the breakup she was calm and trying to tell me why she did it, she then got angry calling me all sorts of names, then she starts crying because she had a rough past regarding her step-father. Ive seen her mood swings excelarate the last 3-4 weeks. The day before fathers day after we broke we were talking face to face and we were friendly, she kissed me once on the cheek and then on the lips and stopped herself a third time saying sorry force of habit. Then also said that because the weather was gonna be bad on fathers day that i can hang out at with her and the kids at her house for the day. i come over the next day and she says where you taking them and have them back by 3pm. i asked if she wanted to talk about the kiss the day before and she didnt remember that or the plan for fathers day we discussed. There are times she is nice to me, coincedently its when she wants to borrow money. 6 weeks or so before the break up she pawned the engagement ring to pay a  debt. still not out of the shop yet. 1 week before break up i give her a choice her family or her drugs and partying. she said ok. 1 week later she says its over and has been for a long time and didnt love me anymore. Her friends posted some pics of her at get together with her friends and boyfriend on facebook and she looks wasted and terrible. I told her parents and her sister. And she was very upset by that but i was worried about her health and the kids obviously. she just kept lying to them and i got sick of them not knowing the truth. Her parents are buying whatever she tells them. but her sister is very concerned and know something is wrong. My ex is not this person she had become. she was a very sweet caring person now is heartless and sleeping with someone she would never date, a balding 46 year old with glasses. She says i wasnt man enough for her and she wants somone with a more positive inflluence for her kids. 2months ago she told her sister she was happy and couldnt wait to be married.

So my question is this. The fact she was on and off her meds and may or may not be taking them anymore drinking and doing drugs (says she stopped but i dont know if thats true) is it possible that this really isnt her doing all this?
Ive been looking into this a bit and its pretty similar. It seems bi-polar dissorder or even her thyroid could also be cause being a over or under active thyroid could mimic bi-polar behaviour. She says she hasnt been this happy in years and i was the cause of her depression. Im working with her sister to try to get her to get help but her sister lives on the other side of the world. please any advice would be great.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/1/2012 4:24:15 PM (GMT-6)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42206
   Posted 7/1/2012 4:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I had to edit your post as we aren't allowed to discuss illegal drugs. I am sorry for what you are going through. If you know that your ex is doing this, she might not be a good role model for the children. If they are your children, you might have to do something about it.

I don't know if you can blame her actions on depression. I would be more apt to blame the depression on her actions. You may not want somebody like this in your life, or the lives of your children. I would think hard about this and decide if you have any say in how they are raised.

I really don't know what to say, You have to keep the best interest of the children and go from there.

Hope that things get better for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 619
   Posted 7/1/2012 7:26 PM (GMT -6)   

If the children are yours and you are concerned, go to your local court house and file for custody if that is what you want.

She obviously doesn't want to be with you anymore. Let her go. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to control what she does and how she acts.

All you can do is take care of your children and yourself. Sometimes that's the hardest part. Just letting things go that we can't control.
Chronic pain, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tennis Elbow (both arms), Arthritis (knees and fingers), Diabetes. Ruptured disk L-4, Severe degenerative damage L5-S1, ACDF C5-C6
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