Hurting for my depressed husband

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

MrsR
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/5/2012 12:52 PM (GMT -6)   
My husband has always been such a fun loving happy person up until a few months ago.  This was about 5 months after the birth of our first child.  I love him and our little family so much.  He says he loves us so much too and that we aren't the problem.  He just says he's not happy, but doesn't understand why.  He loves me and our daughter and says he has everything he could want, but he's still unhappy.  He just chalks it up to him being "crazy" or that something is wrong with him.  He's very unhappy with his job and I think that's the main cause, but what do I know.  I wish he'd talk to someone....professionally, but he says he just can't see himself doing that.  He has been talking to his brother and his best friend.  He's very upset that he's causing me pain and I get the vibe that he thinks I'd be happier out of the marriage.  He says he's a loser and a failure and things of that nature.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  I would fall apart without him.  I need to know what to do to hold on to my marriage and my family.  I just want to cry all the time.  He's always been my rock and I am trying my hardest to be his now.  I can't fail at this. 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 7/5/2012 2:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi MrsR,

Welcome to the depression forum. The best thing you can do is talk him into starting counseling and they will go from there. See if you can't talk him into going.

You might want to even go for yourself to help you cope with this. It will help you to be stronger.

I sure do hope that he gets to feeling better soon. Know he is right, this is not because of you. He really needs to talk to a counselor or a doctor. It really makes a difference.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 7/6/2012 3:32 AM (GMT -6)   
WELCOME FROM JAMIE,

SENDING MANY HEALING COMPASSIONATE THOUGHTS YOUR WAY,

JAMIE. KEEP POSTING.

USE OF CAPS DUE TO VISION ISSUES.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Kaely
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 619
   Posted 7/6/2012 5:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi MrsR,

Has he talked to his family doctor about this? Your family doctor can prescribe meds if he needs them. For some people (such as myself) that is the easier route to getting help. It really does sound like he has a chemical imbalance that is causing his depression.

I know this has to be hard on you. Reassure him that you love him and want him, often. Gently nudge him toward his doctor or couples counseling. There isn't much else you can do, unfortunately. It's up to him to get the help he needs.
Chronic pain, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tennis Elbow (both arms), Arthritis (knees and fingers), Diabetes. Ruptured disk L-4, Severe degenerative damage L5-S1, ACDF C5-C6

Chris516
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 7/8/2012 12:23 PM (GMT -6)   
MrsR said...
My husband has always been such a fun loving happy person up until a few months ago. This was about 5 months after the birth of our first child. I love him and our little family so much. He says he loves us so much too and that we aren't the problem. He just says he's not happy, but doesn't understand why. He loves me and our daughter and says he has everything he could want, but he's still unhappy. He just chalks it up to him being "crazy" or that something is wrong with him. He's very unhappy with his job and I think that's the main cause, but what do I know. I wish he'd talk to someone....professionally, but he says he just can't see himself doing that. He has been talking to his brother and his best friend. He's very upset that he's causing me pain and I get the vibe that he thinks I'd be happier out of the marriage. He says he's a loser and a failure and things of that nature. That couldn't be further from the truth. I would fall apart without him. I need to know what to do to hold on to my marriage and my family. I just want to cry all the time. He's always been my rock and I am trying my hardest to be his now. I can't fail at this.


Your situation sounds almost eerily similar, to my situation.

Depression runs in my family and, I was on meds like Paxil, Prozac, and Dexedrine for years until I stopped taking them. While that is how I reacted to my depression, I am an extrovert.

My younger(2yrs. 2mos. younger) brother who has a Ph.D., yet, is an introvert. There were a couple years, where he wouldn't speak to anyone in the family. My mother told me just a few months ago, that my brother has been suicidal. His 14yr. marriage may be in trouble as a result of it.

I did get suicidal in the past, but I found my emotional outlet to be my racing road bike. While it is not direct voice-to-voice contact with people, riding my bike in traffic gives me a sense of pride that I can do it, despite my congenital health issues.

I am not saying go out, get a bike, and ride in traffic, that will cure you. Riding in traffic is only for the bravest of souls since state traffic codes permit it. But I am saying, since cycling is my passion that I feel strongly about, make your husband your passion(in your case, both literally and figuratively). Go at his depression like, 'taking a bull by horns' and bringing it down.

MrsR
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/8/2012 3:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for all the advice.  It seems like we have good days and bad.  He did talk to our family doctor about 6 weeks ago.  He went in for something else but ended up confiding in him about how he feels like a failure at life and sometimes he just thinks he's crazy for not being happy considering he has "everything".  He gave him Viibryd.  He took it for several weeks and I thought it seemed to be helping, but he just kind of forgot pills here and there and didn't take them consistently.  He's not taking them at all now, unless he has a bad day at work.  I told him I don't think it works to just take one pill when you are feeling low.  He keeps telling me that his main worry is that his unhappiness is going to cause me pain and he doesn't want that.  He wants me to be happy and wonders if I will be able to be if I am worrying about him.  I tell him that my level of unhappiness would sky rocket if we weren't together.  I tell him everyday that I love him.  I send him random text messages that simply say "I love you".  That's honeslty the way I feel so it's not hard for me to say those things often.  He always says them back and it never feels forced, so I have a lot of hope for us, but at the same time I'm worried sick that this depression will change him and make him not want to be with me.

MrsR
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/8/2012 3:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Also I don't know what kind of things to consider concerning or just part of his healing process.  He often likes to just go for drives by himself.  He'll tell me he's going to go for a drive if it's ok and then he's gone for like an hour or two.  He says he likes being alone with his thoughs and just listening to music and singing along.  It just makes me feel like he's dying to get away from me.  I know this isn't ultimately about me and I shouldn't think that way, but between work and a new baby we don't get to spend a lot of time together, so it feels like he's running away from me.  He also seems to get upset that we can't just do things on a whim anymore, but we really never did that before baby.  He says he hates plans.  Sometimes I feel like this could be male postpartum.  He loves our baby and is a great dad though.  He plays with her and takes care of her.  He's not becoming an absentee Dad, it's just like he resents how his life has changed.  He really is unhappy with his job, but jobs aren't easy to come by and with a mortgage and a baby he just can't up and quit.  I appreciate any and all guidance.  I will keep doing what I'm doing.....making him know how much I love and need him and quietly nudging him to talk to someone about how he's feeling.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 7/8/2012 3:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Tell him to get back on medication. Maybe the viibryd isn't the right medication for him. Let him know that when he is helping himself by talking to the doctor and getting on medication that you aren't as worried about him. Maybe he will get back on the meds. And you are right, you have to take them everyday, not just when you aren't feeling good.

It is hard watching our loved ones llive in the darkness of depression. Keep posting as it does help to know somebody understands.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, September 22, 2018 10:20 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,005,665 posts in 329,249 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161795 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, jjakefamily.
241 Guest(s), 3 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Vdang2k, Lymie24, Alex ArmPain