Trying to get a new vision

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delphine707
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/15/2012 2:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi
I'm new to the forum. I've checked it out and think it's a great place to share information, especially for those, myself included, who are or have been ill.
 
I'm not usually a very depressed person, but have been recently. I can't really talk to anybody about it, so I thought I'd post something here to see if anybody had any insight. It may be such a stupid thing to post about to most.
 
I've been ill for a while now and I go see my doctor on average about twice a month. I've actually seen a couple of doctors in the states until I had to move to another country where I currently reside. I've gone through a couple here until I met my current one who I think is good.
 
When I first met him, I honestly thought he looked like an alien - I probably did, too - and thought he probably wouldn't be able to help me, either, because he looked so young, somewhat around my age, but as time passed, he proved me wrong. He was just there for me always never turning me away, and don't get me wrong, I understand that that's what doctors are for. Although he looks like an alien, I thought this man had the most dedicated and kindest heart ever, so my opinion of him totally changed, and I began to be curious about him as to why he wanted to become a doctor, etc. but I never asked him since I didn't want to interfere too much and also I feared maybe he wouldn't want to respond.
 
I don't even know this doctor on a personal basis but I have good thoughts about him and can feel the warm-heartedness every time I see him, as crazy as this sounds. It's been a good year and a half since I've been seeing him as a doctor. I'm always thinking that I don't want to bother him, so I don't call the hospital unless I'm very very ill and need to be seen and I'm always telling myself that I shouldn't ask personal questions and I also don't complain if I've been waiting long in the hospital waiting room to be seen. I try to be nice since I know that he's still a trainee and I know how hard it must be especially being in this country. And also because I always see bags under his eyes and it seems he's always sick. I also notice that he makes little errors here and there like with my prescriptions and sometimes I bring it to his attention but at other times I leave it if it's not that big of a deal.
 
I'm getting off the subject but anyway, so that's how it's been. I feel like I can't really `move`. Like I feel all choked up. I mean I see him as a doctor and I do keep it that way but it's been so hard for me because as ridiculous and retarted as this sounds, I actually would like to be his friend. I think I like the person he is, although I don't even know him. I feel very warm when I talk to him but I understand, it's probably only because I'm sick - that's what most would assume. In this country it is legal for patients and doctors to correspond or have personal relationships outside the professional field but I guess I'm used to the way the states has their laws.
 
So I've just been depressed because I think the doctor may sense that I feel for him and may be keeping a distance. I don't know. I also know that this country has a law that states that doctors have to be transferred every two years, so my doctor will be gone early next spring. It won't be far away. So I've also been thinking of switching hospitals and changing doctors at that time and I've just been feeling depressed about that, too, since I don't know if I'm going to be able to find a good doctor again.
 
I don't like that I'm obsessing over this issue, either, but I don't know what I'm going through either, so it just depresses me. I've been trying to go out and enjoy myself, though. Just don't know what to do...... :(  
 
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 7/15/2012 5:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Are you infatuated with this doctor? Or do you just like him a lot because he was helping you? It doesn't sound like it is helping you now because you are so into following him. I would just wait and see what happens. You could very well get another good doctor. I want to see you moving forward, not following somebody.

I think you are obsessing a little because it doesn't sound like he is helping you any more. Not that he doesn't want to, but because you are focussing more on him than yourself.

I hope this helps.

Welcome to the forum. Have a great day...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bekahisloved2
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/15/2012 8:19 AM (GMT -6)   
That's a really hard place to be. When I was really depressed, I developed a crush on my boss that I knew wouldn't have been there if I wasn't feeling so strangely. I've heard of other people developing feelings in ways that they normally wouldn't if they were feeling right. I don't know if this is the case here, but it just sounds sort-of familiar.

It could just be that this is the type of person that you naturally see as more than just professional help. Some people really connect and it's hard to ignore that. Though, it sounds like this could potentially be a toxic thing, because I would think that it's best to not be too close to your therapist... I don't know, I could be wrong about that.

Maybe you should find a support group? It sounds like you desire stronger friendships and that might be a more healthy place to find one.

delphine707
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/16/2012 12:52 AM (GMT -6)   
gettingby: I appreciate your comment. Thank you :) Yes, I think it's obsession as well, but I'm feeling better today. I think I'm going to take your advice and wait and see what happens and get a new doctor after he leaves.

bekahisloved2: Oh no, he's not my therapist. I don't have a therapist. Maybe I need one? He's just my regular doctor I go to for my physical illness. Yes, it's really hard to ignore the... yes, connection is the word - more than the feeling. And yes, I agree - it's best not to be too close to my doctor, and as much as my brain understands that it's just been difficult, but I'm hoping things will get better with time. I hope?

I really appreciate your replies and for taking the time to respond. I think I needed someone to hear me, I guess.... :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 7/16/2012 6:14 AM (GMT -6)   
I am glad you are feeling better. Obsession can get you into a lot of trouble. We look up to doctors because they help us. But that it their job. We can continue to live without them. I had one I really liked then he died. I was devastated. But that happens. We have a tendancy to look to them for everything. They aren't God. They are just doctors. And they aren't going to fall in love with us. I don't think anyway. Keep your objective eye opened. Take care...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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