anyone else a young single depressed mum?

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paperflowers
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 7/20/2012 5:41 PM (GMT -6)   
hiya just needed to vent and i came across this website so hello lol, i always act like im coping to my family as i dont want them to worry or think im weak, guess thats abit silly really.. basically split from my partner of 4 years a few months back, we have a 2 year old daughter together but i had to leave him because of his violence and controlling behaviour and it was beginning to affect my daughter... he caused me alot of grief, trying to break into my temporary accomadation the council gave me to get away for him and is now due in court for assaulting my friend. I also had to replace everything i had as i made a quick get away and left everything, and which he refused to give me back even when i went with a police officer,( to not breach peace) and was still on the tenancy, but he changed locks... I have had involvement with solicitors, had to quit my college course as i lost loads of coursework from moving so many times to stop him finding me and also grew an anxiety as he knew which college i was at and made me paranoid he were following me.

my question is when will everything get better??? i thought it would once i left him but i just feeel back to square one? I have no job, now no college qualification which i was then due to go university to study social work, i just feel stuck and lost on my own. I have no friends and my family have that motto to just get on with things, which i do and im thankful for there help but sometimes i just want a cuddle and to be told im doing a good job because i fee like i have failed my daughter, i cant even support her. i get panic attacks at night because i always feel like someones trying to break in, i just feel like a wreck. ive been to the doctors who seems to think i am depressed but am waiting on councelling,my family doesnt know, they dont believe in that sort of thing. sorry to ramble on, its hard to stop when you have kept it all bottled inside.

To make matters worse my daughters dad has given up on her, all cause i asked him to do anger management classes as i didnt trust him to have her on his own, i hate this :(

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/20/2012 6:18 PM (GMT -6)   
It seems that you have been with abusive controlling men in your past. But that is just it, it is past now. I think once you feel secure with things you are going to feel a lot better. It takes time. Be patient with yourself.

How do you get by now financially? I was curious. As you said you feel like you failed your daughter, you can't support her. So I was just wondering how you were getting by now... I don't know if your system is like ours, but here you can get help if you have a child. There is aid to dependant children and they give you food stamps and medical help. I am not sure where you are, but you might have something like that.

I am glad that you found the forum and posted. There will be others to post to you. It is hard when you are on your own with a little one, trying to get somewhere. Don't give up, have faith in yourself. You will make friends that will help you. You will get there, maybe even go back to school. I think that would do you good. Keep trying and keep posting.

We are here for you...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

paperflowers
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 7/20/2012 6:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah its exactly why i am confused to why im suddenly feeling depressed, because i have left ann abusive partner so i should be feeling happy and free but instead am feeling scared and lonely but i hate self pitying!

im on income support at the moment which im not ashamed of but im not proud either as it doesnt do much for my confidence, i want to be able to make my own money for my daughter instead of relying on the state, which makes me bitter because i feel i dont get the support to get where i want to be, thankyou for replyingxx

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/20/2012 6:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Is there any way you can continue school while on income support? I think it would be good for your confidence if you could. Maybe they will help pay for child care while you are in classes.

There is no reason to be ashamed, so I am glad that you are not. We do the best that we can with what we have at that moment. You are trying, that means a lot.

I really do hope that you feel better soon. Don't give up. We never know what is going to be around that next corner. Good things can happen at anytime.

I think it is going to take time to adjust. Even though you are in a better place, you just experienced a lot of change. So give yourself some time to adjust...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

paperflowers
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 7/20/2012 6:43 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks i will do xxxx

Kaely
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 619
   Posted 7/21/2012 5:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Paper and welcome.

Sorry I didn't see this sooner. I've been in your position. It is completely normal to feel as you do. Someone you depended on to love and care for you and your child betrayed you with violence. I know how that is and it can be soul crushing.

Of course you are sad. You have every right to be sad. Your life has been turned upside down. Having to move so much and not being able to keep up financially that is rough! Whatever you do do NOT go back to him. It only gets worse if you do.

Be proud of yourself for getting your child out of that mess. I know how hard that is and how painful. I also understand all the conflicting emotions you're going through right now. You have ever right to feel them, don't forget that.

As to getting help from the government, keep in mind you are doing this for your child. You are doing what you have to do so she has a decent life and doesn't have to live with an abusive parent. You are doing what you have to do to keep her fed and housed and clothed and protected. You are being a good parent to your daughter that is what is important.

So your ex doesn't want to go to anger management and won't see the child? GOOD. He doesn't belong in her life if he can't even go to anger management for her. You are right to demand he get help before being around your child. Again you are just protecting your child.

Things will get better! If you have to, take one class at a time. Your priority is your child. You have taken her out of a bad situation so I know you are strong enough to raise her and get some schooling in at the same time.

You deserve a hug and a pat on the back for leaving him. It certainly a step in the right direction for your life and your daughter's life. You did good :)
Chronic pain, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tennis Elbow (both arms), Arthritis (knees and fingers), Diabetes. Ruptured disk L-4, Severe degenerative damage L5-S1, ACDF C5-C6
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