Wife is depressed and left me

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Heart Broken22
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Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/26/2012 1:39 AM (GMT -6)   
A little back ground info. I'm 34 and shes 31. I met my wife a little more than 5yrs ago, we married last yr. The first 6 months were great then shortly there after she started to become really stressed with her new job. A few yrs back the same thing happened with another job only that time she left it move in with me. At that time I didn't know it nor did I understand it but she became really depressed. Im ashamed to say I did not handle it well mostly because I did understand it. Saying things like why can't you snap out of it or just be happy, you get the idea. Well at that time the depression wasn't so much geared towards me so we got though it a little better. Our relationship got stronger and we were really great together and got married with a really amazing wedding.
Fast forward to the prestent, after the 6 months the high stress from her job brought back her depression. For a while I didn't know it and I thought it was just the stress. At that point I still didnt understand depression the way I do now. I too was under a lot of stress from my business growing really fast and doing really well. We started to have arguments and disagreements. I'm very straight forward and she holds it all in. Things were rocky but I figured we would pull out of it and everything would be ok. Well thing got worse when I found out that she was talking a another guy. Nothing physical happend and I believed her but the hurt and trust were broken. I was so upset but I love her and we all make mistakes. In the mean time she became more and more resentful and angry with me. Bring up things from the past 5 years that I thought we were past all of it. During that time I want to do everything I could to fix it and make things better but I was walking on egg shells. Everything I did would back fire on me. At the time I didn't know how much the depression was involved. Looking back after researching everything I see that it was a big part of it. She just wasnt the same person anymore. All she wanted to do was leave. Each time begged her not to and we could work on it. One day she was supper nice and the next it was I don't love you, we are not good for each other, I'm not good with relationships ext. Finally I couldn't handle it anymore and agreed to let her leave and stay with a friend. We could not communicate what so ever without her breaking into tears and just wanting a divorce. We try to go to councelling but the two we tried, one turned us away saying we were to damaged and the other really rubed us wrongly. She didn't want to go to couples counseling anymore and I didnt know what to do. She did go to and still does go to her own counselor.
It hurt so much to watch her leave but I know she needed it. We agreed to see each other for a date night and they went well but as much as I tried not to I would bring our situation with only caused her to cry or shut down. After a month she started to talk about seeing a counselor. I found a really good one that I started to see for myself and she agreed to see both of us. I thought this was great and a more in the right direction. We went to the counselor once and my wife when once on her own but then somthing changed and she pushed me away again and all she wanted was a divorce. I couldn't take it anymore, I love her so much, I really believe she's my soulmate. I have tried everything to help us but she has to want the help too. I realize I have to take care of me and she has to do the same. I wrote her an email saying I love you and I'm here for you but feel that I need to give you some real space. That was a month ago and contact whats so ever and she's been gone for 3 total months. We do have a house together were we stilt the bills and she is still paying haft. She did come by the house once and let me know. The last time I saw here she want to give me the ring back but I wouldn't take it. I figured she would have left it when she came by but didn't. My counselor saids that I'm doing the right thing right now. She is in a dark place and needs to figure it out and take care of herself. I know she will berry herself in her work and she very good at dealing with us. I'm here left wondering what to do next. She could be filing papers as we speak or found another guy to fill a void. This house is in her name and I have one but it being rented out. I hope she use this time to take care of herself. During the past 3 months she is one minute crying about how she's home sick but doesn't want to come back until we go though some counselling and the next she just want a divorce and telling I would be happier without her. I'm just so heart broken. I love her so much and I will see this to the end just what end I don't know. Please any encouragement or advice. Thank you.
Broken heart

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/26/2012 7:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Broken Heart,

And welcome to the depression forum. It does sound like your wife has made her mind up. I would keep working on you and then see what happens. Keep trying, it isn't easy, but you never know what the future holds. I hope you both get better.

Hugs, Karen
PS  It does sound like you both are trying.  Like I say, you never know what the future holds.  Maybe she will come back.  But in the meantime, work on you.  I hope that this works out for you...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 7/26/2012 6:26:24 AM (GMT-6)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7515
   Posted 7/26/2012 10:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Broken Heart,
So sorry to hear your troubles. I agree with Karen in that you are both trying. At this point it is important to work on you and find out how much you can love yourself. Support groups are a wonderful resource in a place to vent, learn and bond with other people struggling with the same issues. I highly reccommend you join one.

Take it one day and a time. You may want to start a gratitude journal, this is a journal where at the end of the day you write something, anything, you are grateful for that day. This helps keep you on the positive side of life.

Hang in there!

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;
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