getting my husband to understand?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 8/1/2012 3:18 PM (GMT -6)   

My husband is a simple meat and potatoes kind of guy... really, what you see is what you get.

He doesn't understand depression as a decease; I think he sees it more as a character flaw. He comes from a family of "tough people". And I don't really fit that mold.

He’s tried to be as supportive as he can but he just doesn't get it, doesn't understand need for medication,

He asks me why I think my life is so bad; I tried to tell him that logic and my feeling just don't connect.

I tried laying out litature for him to read, but I don't think he gets it, and I’m starting to think he just might never get it


Has anyone else dealt with this?

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 8/1/2012 8:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I am very fortunate, my husband understands. But I know people like your husband, and no matter what he says or does, you still have to do what is right for you. Oh, and your print is very small on your post. I don't know why, but it could be hard for some to read.

I hope you can get your husband to understand. Maybe don't verbalize when you feel bad, but do so when you feel good, so that he only sees the good. I don't want to hear you have stopped taking your meds.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 8/2/2012 2:59 AM (GMT -6)   
can't read, vision probs.

sending you many healing and compassionate thoughts.




Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 350
   Posted 8/2/2012 10:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jessid, I know exactly what u are going thru with, or better said, without your husband. Mine is the same. He is selfish and selfcentered and narrow minded when it comes to mental illness. Like you said: a charactor flaw. My husband does take zoloft and has for 9 years. I was very frank before we were married 9 years ago that he needed meds. HIs doctor agreed. He still is a jerk but a better one. I am doing my best to get ready for a 2 week vacation. He doesnt have a clue as to what kind of planning it takes. I wish you well Jessid and hope you feel lots of hugs from your friends here!......Cathy
I am 61 years young. I have neuropathy in both feet and hands. I have spinal stenosis and arthritis in my back. I am bipolar and with panic attacks. I cannot walk. I choose to stay home all the time. I love living in the country. Its very peaceful.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7515
   Posted 8/2/2012 12:54 PM (GMT -6)   

If you are able to try to get your husband to a seminar or lecture about depression. I have seen 1 or 2 husbands change for the better, once they have seen the number of people, especially men, who are dealing with the "decease" and talked to the speaker afterwards.

It does not always work, but it is a shot and a good one at that.

I also and lucky in that my husband is supportive. However, in the beginning he thought that it could be fixed within a couple of weeks and then that would be it. So I do understand some of the rough time you are having.
I did not leave the material out for my husband to read, I straight out told him, "read this" it will help you understand my side of things.

Karens thought of positive feed to your husband is a good one.

Stay on your meds! Please.
Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

older guy
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 972
   Posted 8/4/2012 10:50 AM (GMT -6)   
hi jessid,

just wanted to add my thoughts to the other ones expressed here.

i have been dealing with a bad depression over the past year. in my experience, some friends "get it" and want to be supportive and are willing to listen, even when what i say might seem nutty, and even if am doing poorly for several days in a row.

other friends do not get it. they do not want to hear when i am down, and are not willing to listen. this was a great disappointment to me. some of them were otherwise my best friends. it took me a while to accept that they were who they are. they are missing the "compassion gene". but that doesn't mean i still couldn't be friends with them. just accepted them as they were.

i am not in a primary relationship so don't really know what that is like - the person closest to you (your husband) not able to get it.

but i have often heard you can't get all your needs met by just one person.

i hope you are able to make progress with your husband's understanding, but if not, please know there are other people (especially here) that can listen to anything you want to share.


depression and anxiety
cymbalta, lamotrigine, zyprexa, klonopin (for depression/bipolar)
crestor (for cholesterol)
doxazosin (for benign prostate hyperplasia)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7515
   Posted 8/4/2012 11:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Well said Display !
Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;
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