Posting after a long time, very lonely

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Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 8/1/2012 7:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I haven't posted on here in many months, maybe a year. I am feeling very bad and I am terribly lonely. I am still on my a/d med but my p/doc cut the dose down which I asked her to do. I had gained a lot of weight but with the lower dose I have lost 30 lbs. I don't want to gain the weight back so I am willing to stay where I am. I am not so much depressed as I am terribly lonely. One of my closest friends passed away recently and I am really feeling the loss.
Also, I did something very stupid and it sure came back to bite me. I made friends with someone from another country a few years ago and we became very good and close friends. We emailed almost daily. One time this winter she ignored a problem I was very worried about and I really gave it to her, telling her she had let me down. I wrote an apology but I guess there was no getting the friendship back. At this point I think too much time has passed and I know i hurt her feelings as I had perceived she had hurt and ignored me. I should have been more gentle in my email but I was upset. I  know I was wrong. I never wrote her back even after I had apologized. i think she felt the friendship was broken. I guess that is true. I miss her terribly but I don't think she would want to be friends with me anymore.
This has been a tough year for me. I have had lots of little medical issues which just seemed to snowball into one big problem for me. My dr. said I was pre diabetic and I had to change my diet which I did, one reason for the weight loss. I also was diagnosed with glaucoma, which is treatable, but I have lost some vision in my left eye. I have a hernia which the dr. says is on a wait and see basis, and I have just had cortizone injections in my wrists for carpal tunnel syndrome. I may need hand surgery.
I guess I took all my problems out on my friend by being mean when it was me who had let myself down.
I guess there is no solution that I can think of, I just had the need to get my feelings out.
 
Aurora

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 8/1/2012 8:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Aurora,

I am sorry that you lost a friend. Maybe someday that will change. I hope so. I am sorry you are facing so many health issues, but luckily you have lost some weight on the diet. That is fantastic. And I am happy your glaucoma is treatable. Sometimes we just have to focus on the good things and try to ignore the bad if we can. Accept it and then let it go. Then when we look at our situation, we only see the good, and we think it is better. If that even makes a bit of sense.

Are the injections painful? I have been at the computer too long and I feel that I am getting carpel tunnel problems too. I am not sure though. My arm just gets numb. No pain or anything.

I sure do hope that you feel better soon Aurora. Glad to see you back , but sorry for the reasons. Take care and know we are always here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 8/1/2012 8:45 PM (GMT -6)   
hi.

i too send my thoughts of compassion to you.

with healing compassion,

jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 8/2/2012 12:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your replies, Karen and Jamiee. I really appreciate you taking the time to let me know you are thinking of me. I guess I am just going through a rough patch and I hope things will improve. Part of my problem is I had extensive water damage in my home, not from a flood but a broken toilet that spewed water from the second floor down to the basement.  The damage is awful and I have to look at it every day until the insurance co. decides what to pay. I have been without my bathroom upstairs for over 2 weeks and with all my arthritis it has been a struggle. I am hoping the restoration company will start repairs next week.
Karen, carpal tunnel can be felt in the arms but usually in the front of the forearm and down to your elbow. It mainly causes problems with your hands though. Feelings of numbness, stiffness, pins and needles feelings, pain. The cortizone shots "pinch" a bit as they insert the needle in your wriste but it is definitely tolerable and well worth doing if you are in a lot of pain, which I was. I couldn't do much with my hands and I couldn't even drive so was stuck in the house a lot.
I think you can only have 3 shots a year if the pain comes back.
My hands are not perfect and will probably be this way. Hoping the pain doesn't return too soon. If they can't cure it with injections then I will have to resort to the surgery, but i will wait and see.
I hope this gives you an idea of what this problem is like.
Take care of yourself. I haven't posted in so long I hope that you are well and surviving this heat blast we are having this summer.
 
Hugs,
 
Aurora

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7515
   Posted 8/2/2012 1:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Aurora,

Welcome back to the forum! I believe there are wrist guards now just for carpel tunnel that you can by at the drug stores or medical supply stores. Well worth the effort I am told by my "hacker" type friends. wink

Do not worry over the loss of your friend, she was not there for you, sounds like the long distance was working on the relationship anyway. There is a reason people come in and out of our lives, we just don't know what it is most of the time.

I myself have just gained 20lbs from respidal and completed a med change that should give me more energy. So I will be walking more and gettng out of the house. I have to hook up with past friends that I have not seen or talked to in over a year.

Why don't you call someone you have not spoken to in a longtime? You would be suprised how glad they will be to hear from you. You never know who has "stuff" until you call.

Keep posting here we care!
Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 8/2/2012 4:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bnotafaid,
Thanks for your reply. It is good to get connected again to this forum that I have been away from for so long. I do feel bad about my friend and sent her an ecard saying i was so sorry but I will just wait to see if she responds. You are right that people come in and out of our lives.
 
A little about myself, I have been divorced forever and have 2 sons. My younger son has a girlfriend who he is very involved with. It seems lately he pays no attention to me as he is always with her and has a very busy job. He likes being with her family as she has a large family and they always invite him out with them. I worry that if they get married he will want to spend all the holidays with her family and will forget about me. My other son is very good to me and does take good care of me. But holidays with the two of us seems so sad. My family consist of me and my boys. I suffer terribly from loneliness although I have made an effort to get out and join things. I play mah jongg every Monday, do volunteer work and take classes. I have made one new good friend this past year. But I can count on one hand the number of friends I have to do things with. My married friends aren't available on weekends because of being with husbands. I often spend my weekends alone or my older son comes and stays with me to keep me company and help with errands and things. Also, summer is a hard time for me. My friends are all so busy and I don't have enough to do.
I guess I sound pretty pathetic when I read what I have just written. I am looking for other groups to join but there isn't much I haven't tried. I think I need to go back to church and possibly get involved with one of the church groups.
Sorry for being so long winded and sitting on the pity pot. When I am busy and seeing people I have no problems with the loneliness. It is being home alone after 4 PM that gets to me as it is so quiet and there is no one to talk to. You can only call a friend just so many times.
Thanks for listening. Hope we can stay in touch.
 
Aurora

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7515
   Posted 8/2/2012 6:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Aurora,

So sorry you are lonely, I don't suffer from this. I had so much trauma in childhood that I welcome my solitude. I am married and have no children. However, I have 3 dogs that keep me busy and healthy with walks. You could try getting a cat or dog, they are good pals to have around to keep company!

Church is always a good bet for keeping busy. My experience is they will load on more than you ever wished for!

Best of luck for search in time spending!

keep posting we care.
Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 8/2/2012 6:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bnotafraid,
 
I can understand why you enjoy your solitude. I had a very big family growing up so it is hard to adjust to be alone. My oldest lived with me until he was 37 and I felt he needed to get out on his own so he knew how to pay bills and learn not to depend on me as I won't be here forever.
I still haven't gotten used to living alone, try as hard as I am.
I am sure you are right that going back to church and signing up for even one thing will get me more involved than I want to be but it is worth a try.
I have had many dogs over the years. All poodles since I have asthma. I lost my last one a year ago and have decided not to have another dog even though they are such good company. I am hoping to sell my house and move to a small condo so I don't know if dogs will be allowed. I will have to wait and see but you are right, they are such good company.
Thank you for corresponding with me. It has helped me to have someone to talk to and I appreciate your kindness.
 
Aurora

hope4
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 8/3/2012 8:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Aurora -
Sorry that you are experiencing loneliness. If you had your son living with you until recently, that could be one reason.
I know how it is. We have moved several times and I have found it difficult to connect with people where we now live. I volunteer several places, but I still haven't found friends like I had before.
I do spend time gardening. Being outside helps, and occasionally I do see neighbors.
I also like to play music, but again so far that has been a solitary pursuit.
I know you will find support here. I don't post a lot, but even reading makes me feel less isolated.

Hope

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 8/3/2012 7:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Hope,
I really appreciate you answering me. It makes me feel so much better when I know someone is willing to take the time to write. It is hard when you move to establish yourself in a new community. I also do volunteer work and I play mah jongg on Mondays and sign up for lots of classes in hopes of meeting some new people.
 
It is true that I feel the loneliness since my son moved to his own place. He lives about ten minutes from me and he is very helpful doing things for me around the house and driving me to do errands. Problem was he was difficult to live with so we are both better off on our own. And it is easier getting along with him not having him in the house all the time.
 
Do you have any children? Often you can meet new people through your children's classroom parents.
 
I can only offer the advice to sign up for different things you like.
Does your library have a book club? If you are near a big high school or some type of college you can always take classes.
 
I wish you the best and hope we can correspond again sometime.
 
Aurora

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 8/3/2012 8:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so happy that you two are finding comfort posting here. This really is a lovely place to come. I have been here for years now and appreciate every moment. It is so nice to see communication going on. And people making friends. I have made a few myself and I cherrish them.

My life isn't exciting by any means, but I am happy with it. I don't get a lot done with this fibromyalgia, but I try all the time. Coming here helps me a lot as it gives me things to do during the day and in the evening. It gives me a purpose. And I love helping others. I am so glad that you two are posting. Even if it isn't a lot and you do a lot of reading, it still helps to share.

I hope you two have a good evening and a wonderful weekend.

Hugs...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7515
   Posted 8/3/2012 8:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Aurora and Hope, just an idea. You could start by sharing each other emails on your profiles and start a online book club with the just the 2 of you. Bet it would grow faster than you think!

Trina
Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

hope4
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 8/5/2012 8:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi - Thanks for the suggestions and responses. It does seem just that communicating helps a lot.

Karen, I have fibro also so it does make it more difficult to be as active as I would like to be.

Aurora, my kids are all grown too. They both live out of state. I know that other times we moved having kids in school and programs helped me make good friends. I sort of wonder if this time of life is just more solitary.

I am thinking of joining our library book club in the fall. Also, I met someone at Church and he encouraged me to look into Habitat for Humanity. I laughed, because I have never used a hammer except to hang pictures, and I am not strong. Then he said " surely you paint" and I mumbled something (but actually I don't ) and then he said they always need someone for
hospitality at their meetings, ( make coffee, desserts), and I agreed that I am very good at that! So I may look into group.

I hope that everyone has a peaceful day.

Hope

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 8/5/2012 8:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for the post Hope. I hope you can volunteer with Habitat for Humanity. That sounds like fun actually. I hope that your day goes well.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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