It's been a while, but I need some advice

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JenniG
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/2/2012 9:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Last year, I had a major depressive episode. I went to counseling, took my meds, and basically healed myself. My husband was never supportive in my therapy, never thought I needed meds and basically made recovering from my issues a drawn out process. I dealt with it, did what I had to do, and moved on.

Now, I find myself becoming depressed again, and it is all due to my husband. He has a majorly addictive personality. He smokes marijuana, which I've never been a fan of but it is "medically prescribed" to him, so what can I really say. He has a prescription for vicodin, which he uses within 10 days of receiving his month long prescription, he has an alcohol dependency. When I had my issues last year, his issues did lighten to aa tolerable level. However, in the past 3 months he has increased all of his intake of the aforementioned drugs. He has also resorted to buying Xanax on the street. Which, mind you, when I was taking anti-depressants he didn't feel I needed and wanted me to quit taking. He has recently come home from worked and completely passed out, drooling, mumbling and unable to be woke. I only found out through a close friend of ours that the Xanax was the newest drug he had introduced. Tonight, he came home in a stupor again. I searched his vehicle, and found 50 Xanax in a pill bottle. I am at a loss.

I'm not sure how to approach the above situation.. when I find out he lies to me, he will admit it because he is caught, however if I try to have a real conversation with him about these problems I am told "I'm not in the mood for a lecture, it was wrong, but I was too embarrsed to tell you, it won't happen again". Well, it happens over and over, and now I am to the point that it is affecting my mental stability. I don't know how to deal with his addictive personality, or if I ever can.

Someone, please give me advice before I fall off the edge again!
**Why is it that I feel sometimes what I feel inside just isn't normal?
How can I free my mind of the real deep times I spent feeling a lot warmer**
- Glen Meadows

Major Depressive Disorder; Anxiety; Alcohol Abuse

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 8/3/2012 6:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi,

It sounds like he needs to go into rehab. I don't know if you will be able to get him there though. He is at risk taking the xanax and passing out. He could pass out while driving. I take xanax myself and can't understand why people abuse it, but they do. It helps me with anxiety and that is all. But I am trying to cut back to nothing here soon. I have cut my dose in half recently.

Some situations have to be let to go to the blow out point. I know you don't want that. But I don't know if he will listen to you. He is abusing everything at this point. Moderation in all things is the key. He might have to hit bottom before he accepts help. Have you thought of leaving? Would that be better for you? It is a huge step though. Life changing.

I hope you get some good suggestions. I just know rehab, counseling and getting out of the situation.

Hugs to you hon...

Karen...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

JenniG
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/3/2012 7:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Karen. He would never agree to therapy or rehab, he thinks it's a joke and doesn't help anyone. My fear is that he will have to hit rock bottom. It's happened before, and he's gotten better for years. He always seems to surround himself with people that bring him back down though. I'm not sure I can wait out another one of his rock bottoms though. He'll have that "aha" moment one day, I just hope it doesn't take so long that it brings me back down or that it's just too late and I've already decided enough is enough.

If I could just talk to him, without him taking it as an attack that might help. But I know that people with addictions can't have that talk until they've admitted there is a problem, I just wish I could find a way to get him to realize there is a problem. It's so frustrating, especially so soon after the problems I've had.

Hoping things work out and I don't loose myself through all of this!
**Why is it that I feel sometimes what I feel inside just isn't normal?
How can I free my mind of the real deep times I spent feeling a lot warmer**
- Glen Meadows

Major Depressive Disorder; Anxiety; Alcohol Abuse

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7391
   Posted 8/3/2012 7:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear JenniG,

Do not risk your mental health for him. He is not ready to accept help yet. Unfortunately it sounds like he needs to end up in the ER/crisis center before he realizes the help he needs. This is common with addicts.

He may realize it already, admitting he has done something stupid and won't do it again, but he can not help doing it again, because he is addicted. However, he is not strong enough to ask or agree to help. This is where the arguements starts when his fear kicks in.

If you have a place to move out to, a friend, a sibling for a while, that may help. Give you some peace and shake him up some.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this process, remember to protect yourself first. Then care about him. that way when he finally is ready, you will be there strong for him.

Be still and know there is peace.
Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 8/3/2012 8:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Ditto on what BnotAfraid said. You have to stay strong for you and take care of you first. Unfortunately, he may have to bottom out before he accepts help. Don't let him bring you down.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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