I was diagnosed with dysthymia last week, i have
always had anxiety issues. My dad is a paraplegic (work accident when i was 4),
my sister has downsyndrome with significant health issues. I have been seeing a
psychologic on and off for the past 4 years but recently i've had suicidal
thoughts, constant very low mood with an inability to stay happy. I am very
irritable, snap a lot, have knuckle BRUISES from my own hands because i sleep
so tense and absolutely HATE BEING ALONE!!
My boyfriend of 2yrs and I are inseperable.
Everybody says we will get married, we dont have any problems in our
relationship apart from my anxiety and depression. We go out every weekend, but
drinking DOES NOT AGREE WITH ME, it makes me so bad that we fight every time
over stupid things e.g. I get crazy about the fact i think hes checking out
other girls or ignoring me. I have fun when i drink when hes not there and I
think this is because he is the only person i really CARE FOR. I see how much i
hurt him...i reject him all the time and say horrible things i dont mean.
Recently my GP prescribed me ZOLOFT but i havn't
filled it yet because of my boyfriend. He is so against medications! He WANTS
TO FIX ME HIMSELF. He says "I don't understand mental illness and I DONT
WANT TO BECAUSE I AM AFRAID. I will always be here for you but on medication
you will be fake happy, you wont be you. Your mind can heal itself if you just
try! I DONT WANT YOU ON MEDICATIONS".
However, I feel like they are my chance at
happiness, fake or not. HE WILL RESENT ME IF I GO ON THEM, he will leave me.
Please help me. We are both insanely crazy about
each other, WE CRY TOGETHER when he sees me in a bad episode.
Dont just say "If he loves you he will stay
even if you take them" or "go against his wishes and take it behind
his back" Trust is what makes us and we both Love eachother more than i