HELP...depression VS relationship

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Kay20
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/4/2012 9:46 PM (GMT -6)   

I was diagnosed with dysthymia last week, i have always had anxiety issues. My dad is a paraplegic (work accident when i was 4), my sister has downsyndrome with significant health issues. I have been seeing a psychologic on and off for the past 4 years but recently i've had suicidal thoughts, constant very low mood with an inability to stay happy. I am very irritable, snap a lot, have knuckle BRUISES from my own hands because i sleep so tense and absolutely HATE BEING ALONE!!

My boyfriend of 2yrs and I are inseperable. Everybody says we will get married, we dont have any problems in our relationship apart from my anxiety and depression. We go out every weekend, but drinking DOES NOT AGREE WITH ME, it makes me so bad that we fight every time over stupid things e.g. I get crazy about the fact i think hes checking out other girls or ignoring me. I have fun when i drink when hes not there and I think this is because he is the only person i really CARE FOR. I see how much i hurt him...i reject him all the time and say horrible things i dont mean.

Recently my GP prescribed me ZOLOFT but i havn't filled it yet because of my boyfriend. He is so against medications! He WANTS TO FIX ME HIMSELF. He says "I don't understand mental illness and I DONT WANT TO BECAUSE I AM AFRAID. I will always be here for you but on medication you will be fake happy, you wont be you. Your mind can heal itself if you just try! I DONT WANT YOU ON MEDICATIONS".

However, I feel like they are my chance at happiness, fake or not. HE WILL RESENT ME IF I GO ON THEM, he will leave me.

Please help me. We are both insanely crazy about each other, WE CRY TOGETHER when he sees me in a bad episode.

Dont just say "If he loves you he will stay even if you take them" or "go against his wishes and take it behind his back" Trust is what makes us and we both Love eachother more than i can explain.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 8/5/2012 6:08 AM (GMT -6)   
I guess he deosn't understand depression. The happiness is very real. I take medications and they really help me. I am very happy. It is up to you to take care of yourself. You don't have to do this behind his back. Just take the medication as prescribed. See what happens for you. Stop drinking. It makes depression worse. Take care of you. Quit playing the game he is playing and take care of yourself.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Caro11
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 8/5/2012 8:31 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm the kind of person who do not like to take meds and I was afraid of AD. I waited a long time to see my doc and ask for help. I'm usually fun, athletic and positive but I just wasn't myself anymore because of depression. I decided to take care of myself and take the meds and now I'm me again! Not a fake me! I'm just more happy and smilling more. I have also started a therapy and it's very helpfull for understanding my depression.
I think in a relationship, you should be able to make decisions for yourself and do what is best for you.
Take care, Caro11

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7515
   Posted 8/6/2012 10:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Carol1

Once you are on your meds and stay on them, your mind will be clearer
and you will be able to make desicions that will affect you positivly.

If you stay on the meds, listen to the way your body and emotions fill, and stop drinking all together. You will realize a new and independent you. It can be that easy.

Therapy helps also, if you are 100% honesy with your therapist.

posting here is a good vent, we care.

Trina
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Kay20
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/6/2012 9:51 PM (GMT -6)   
yeah i think im just afraid of loosing him :( we spoke again last night about it and i asked if he would let me try it and if he doesn't like it after a few months i'll go off them....but i have a feeling after the few months he's just going to say he doesn't like it because he's stubborn.

pocketfull
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 350
   Posted 8/7/2012 12:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Kay20, happy you have found this site. There are many many people on here who have so much knowledge and experience to lend to all who come here. I am 61 and if it were not for medication over the past 30 years I would not be here. You are paying so much attention to what your boy friend wants. Ask him this: If you had a bad broken arm and would never have use of it without surgery or just putting you in a cast until it heals, would he want that? If you had diabetes would he want you to take medicine for that? He just does not realize that there is a part of our brain that is broken and needs fixing. In order for you to lead a normal and happy life there is medicine that can help you have that, and be someone he can love even more, if you love yourself even more.......Again, welcome......regards..and hugs....Cathy
I am 61 years young. I have neuropathy in both feet and hands. I have spinal stenosis and arthritis in my back. I am bipolar and with panic attacks. I cannot walk. I choose to stay home all the time. I love living in the country. Its very peaceful.

Kay20
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/7/2012 1:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes ur right! Your all completely right... I do need to put my health first. In the back of my mind i think I always knew no matter what he said I would go on the meds. I dont know I this is right... But I'm hoping that by taking the medications that I will be an amplified, happier version of the girl he fell in love with. So I'm hoping that if we do break up that after the heart ache he will see someone he is still madly in love with.
It sounds like he is unsupportive and does t care for my health but it is more he fact that he finds it hard to understand that I am that 'broken' inside my head. It's like torture for me... But he can't see that I can't make it go away. He literally just does not grasp the concept AT ALL. His family is a bit lacking on the emotional side of things so I think because he doesn't feel much at all, it is even harder for him.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 8/7/2012 7:07 AM (GMT -6)   
You have to do what is right for you Kay, no matter what anybody else thinks. Some people just aren't educated on depression. Maybe find some literature so he can read. I hope you get through this and can take what is needed for you.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Caro11
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 8/7/2012 7:09 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm glad that you decided to take care of yourself :-) you need to be patient though because it takes a few weeks for the meds to reach the full effects. You also may have side effects but they usually go away after a week or two.
The meds will surely help with the symptoms and make you feel better but it's also important to start a therapy along with the meds. It's the best way to understand the causes of your depression and to really heal it.
Keep us posted on how you are doing, we do care.

Kaely
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 619
   Posted 8/7/2012 10:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kay,

I know how it is to have family that doesn't understand. It makes it so much harder when you need meds and they don't get it.

I fought taking antidepressants for most of my life. Now that I am taking them I can't imagine why I fought so hard. If I had an infection I'd take antibiotics. When I needed surgery I got surgery. So how silly was I to not take antidepressants when I so obviously needed them.

I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. The antidepressant fixes that. It's really sad that I was willing to medicate other diseases, yet I refused to medicate my depression.

I hope you think things through and come to the realization that you are not weak or wrong, you are sick. There are drugs that can help your sickness and believe me, they make life bearable.
Chronic pain, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tennis Elbow (both arms), Arthritis, Diabetes. Ruptured disk L4-L5, Severe degenerative damage L5-S1, L5 Nerve root displacement, ACDF C5-C6

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7515
   Posted 8/7/2012 4:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Kay,

Being on the right medications allows you to open up to the world and find the real you inside, no matter what another person wants waiting on the outside.

You don't even know the real YOU yet! The lovely person that will come out of this journey is for you! No one else. It is your gift for suffering your pain. Your joy for suffering your sorrow. No one else will be allowed to touch this great gift, unless you respectfully allow them.

This journey is all about you Kay. Your pain and healing and learning.
No one dictates how it goes, the journey knows it's own way and you follow. Listen and you will know.

Trina
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;
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