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Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/5/2012 7:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi all,

I'm in desperate need of advice and I have no one in my personal life that I can turn to. Here's the deal, I am 20 years old and have withdrawn from college for 1 year since my mental breakdown. I was diagnosed with major depression and general anxiety disorder. I have taken numerous medication, all which made me feel worst either physically and/or mentally, so I am no longer taking anything. I go to a government run clinic to see a psychiatrist once a month and a therapist once a week, since my family and myself do not have the finances. The problem is I do not trust my psychiatrist or my therapist.

I distrust my psychiatrist because as I've mentioned earlier drugs and me were just not meshing, and one of the first things he said to me was like "if I had to choose again, I rather chose the career path as a pharmacist rather than a psychiatrist". This statement, along with some other things he said made me very skeptical about the genuine help he wanted to provide me. I haven't seen him in two months, since I don't think he is helping me, and I have a knack for avoiding people and things that make me feel uncomfortable.

I distrust my therapist mainly because he is trying to push me to go back to school (which is far away from my home), therefore discontinuing my treatment with him. Yes, I told him and sincerely do want to go back to school, but I know I am not ready. For the past couple of months, I have told him repeatedly I felt like I have not progressed and was still very very very deeply depressed. I don't know why then, he is still pushing, and this has been his M.O. since we started. I have looked at reviews online of the clinic I am going to, and one past employer has mentioned that one of the main goals of the clinic was to "turn-over" as many patients as possible, since of funding. Other things also bother me about my therapist, like him never really having a planned session, we just continue on for 50 min about "how was your week". He has helped me a bit with some social anxiety problems, like methods to relax, and basic conversation skills, but I really believe this kind of progression is not enough to help me be successful at college. For a long time, every week I have just become more distrustful of him, therefore loosing almost all hope for a better future, and thus I have avoided going to sessions for 2 weeks. I don't plan on going to my session next week either.

I feel very wary of asking to change the psychiatrist and therapist I have, since this is a government funded clinic. I am already ridden with guilt that I am receiving help for free, and I do think this is barring me from progressing. I am also skeptical that I will encounter more compatible professionals than the ones I have now in a government funded clinic. In the past, I did have a therapist that was on a sliding scale, however, I did not like her as well. A good half of me believes that my lack of progression is not them but me.

I have not left my house in 2 weeks. I intentionally ruined all my relationships with friends by ignoring them and not responding to their phone calls and messages. I just don't think I am a good friend, so they should stop wasting their energy on me. Also, I am very very ashamed. I can not talk to my parents because 1) we kind of have a language barrier, since I am not that fluent in our native tongue [I know...pathetic]; 2) I blame the root of my problems on my parents and their upbringing; and 3) they think I am intentionally sabotaging myself, and I should just "snap out of it".

I have missed deadlines to enroll for classes at my community college for fall semester, because I was told by a counselor I will NOT get into the classes I need because of how highly demanded those general education classes are and I will have the latest registration date. However, I know that even if I got some units done, it will help me. I have a big problem with perfectionism, and if things don't go the way I want them to, I won't deal with them at all, which makes everything worst.

I don't know what to do. For the last year, I've gained 30lbs and have had a major relapse in my trichotillmania. Everything is even worst than when I was diagnosed last year and still in school. What is my next step?

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42608
   Posted 8/5/2012 8:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Wow, it almosts sounds like you have sabotaged yourself. I think that the therapist felt that you had it in you to finish school. Can you get a different therapist and psychiatrist if you want? It sounds like you aren't jelling wth the ones that you have. I am sorry that you gave up on college. I think it would have been good for you. Can you start next semester? You need to do things taht make you feel like you are moving forward. Even if you don't succeed. At least you are trying...

I feel like you are regressing into a state of complete isolation. Try to stop that pattern. Do little things to get you out of the house. Don't give up on yourself. You can move forward. One day at a time.

I am glad that you posted. There will be others with input for you. It is kind of early here and some are just getting up. Like I say, don't give up on yourself. Take it one day at a time. And take baby steps. That is the best that you can do right now.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

older guy
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 972
   Posted 8/5/2012 10:54 AM (GMT -6)   
hi claire,

there is a lot in your posting. i would like to address the subject of therapists and a "good fit".

sorry to hear you are not getting along with either your psychiatrist or your therapist. if things continue the way they are with them, i would suggest you try and find another. even in government run clinics there are therapists that are good.

it is also OK to be very upfront with your therapist or psychiatrist. there is nothing wrong with saying "i don't trust you" or "i feel you are pushing me". sometimes when confronted a therapist can see their suggestions are not helping.

i also wanted to say, if you feel you are too depressed to return to school, that's OK. your mental health has to come first.


depression and anxiety
cymbalta, lamotrigine, zyprexa, klonopin (for depression/bipolar)
crestor (for cholesterol)
doxazosin (for benign prostate hyperplasia)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7512
   Posted 8/5/2012 12:08 PM (GMT -6)   

Wow! First I would like to encourage to get back on your medication. Very important.

Second, be proactive and request another Doctor.

As for your therapist, I believe if you are honest with this person, things maybe worked out. It sounds like your trust level { as is mine} is sabatoging you. Most therapists are willing to listen to patients and hear what is working and what is not. Remember you yourself told this person you wanted to go back to school.

You are in the beginning of a rough and tumble journey to heal and become and new person. Couragous enough to seek out help. Stay BRAVE and be strong enough seek that help through the bumps in the system. It will be well worth the tears and the efforts.

Yes, I don't lie. There will be tears, because you will get frustrated, it will not be easy at times. But your health is worth it. NO one has the right to tell you otherwise.

First step: BE 100% honest with your therapist and they may be able to help you get a new doctor!!!

Best of luck to you and keep posting, let us know what is happening. We care here.
Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;
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