Posted 8/5/2012 12:50 PM (GMT -7)
After being in a psych hospital twice, I feel like I've had some very interesting experiences. Prior to May 2012, I had never been in one. This all changed when I had severe suicide ideation and was involuntarily committed. It wasn't a bad facility, but it really didn't help me.
As a result, I ended up back in the hospital in June (a different one this time). What a nightmare. They prescribed me Wellbutrin (150mg), but I wasn't sure if I wanted to take it (I was intending to start taking Dexedrine again for my ADHD, so I thought it would be pointless to take Wellbutrin. It did nothing for me in the past). I declined for a few days, and the doctor ended up increasing it to 300mg. I told the nurse that I decided I would be okay taking it but wanted the doctor to reduce it to 150. I didn't want to start on such a high dose, and the XL tablet can't be split in half. The staff refused to do this, so I refused the medication. I found out one afternoon that the doctor had put in a request to take me to court for medication noncompliance.
They never even bothered to tell me, and I wasn't given a copy of the paperwork. I went the following morning, and the judge didn't listen to a word that I said. It was awful. Because I had lost, the hospital now had permission to give me an injection. I called my PDoc, and he told me not to worry, since Wellbutrin isn't injectable. Unfortunately, it wasn't that simple.
The following morning, I called my mom at 10 AM. At 10:05 one of the Psych Techs told me that I had to get off the phone, because my "15 minutes was up." I calmly said that it hadn't been 15 minutes, but she persisted. I got annoyed, but I didn't do anything crazy (scream, throw a fit, etc.) I just said, "You obviously don't know how to count, because it's only been 5 minutes." I know that I wasn't exactly nice, but like I said, I didn't act violently or do anything ridiculous.
about 15 minutes later, the medication nurse said they had new medicine for me...Prolixin and Cogentin. I told them there was no way that I was taking that medication. I have ADHD...the last thing I want to take is an Antipsychotic which will make my concentration even worse. I could understand if I had bipolar disorder or suffered from schizophrenia, but thankfully, I don't have either illness. Later that night, the nurse said "you know we're going to give you an injection."
Sure enough, they came in my room to inject me. I thought this was crazy. I remember almost being in tears. I kept saying, please don't inject me. Please. I don't want to take this medication. They held me down and did it anyway. I know they're just following the doctor's orders, but it's so demoralizing.
I believe I got the injection around 8:15 PM, and I fell asleep shortly thereafter. It knocked me totally out, and I couldn't even wake up for vitals at 6:00 AM the following morning. After getting out of bed, I felt so sick. I had this horrible uneasiness and awful fatigue. I can't describe it at all, but it was one of the worst feelings that I've ever felt. They locked my door, so I couldn't even go in my room to lay down. I literally put a blanket in front of my door and tried to rest on the floor. Instead of feeling better, I almost felt traumatized and on the verge of suicide. If someone handed me a gun at that moment, I would have killed myself.
I saw my doctor a short time afterward and begged her to discharge me. I told her that I was fine and was not a suicide risk. I was so afraid of getting injected again, that I exaggerated about how I felt. She kept saying that they gave me the antipsychotic, because I was too rigid with my thinking.
After finally getting the staff to unlock my door (I said that I needed to shower), I slept almost the entire day. Thankfully, they didn't bother me. I was awoken by the social worker who informed me that I would be leaving the following morning. I had never been so happy in my life.
When I got up the next day, I was in a decent mood. I went down for breakfast, and while waiting to enter the cafeteria, I felt strange. I didn't know what was happening, but my toes and joints seemed to be pulling in strange directions. I didn't think anything of it until I was eating and my head started twisting to the side. I must have looked ridiculous and got up to walk to the trash area. My body was in so much pain and so contorted. One of the patients on my floor saw me and immediately asked if I was okay. I was so embarrassed, but fortunately, he got the staff who took me back to the unit. The nurse said immediately that it was EPS/dystonia and was a reaction to the Antipsychotic injection. I got a 50mg injection of benadryl in each arm, and thankfully, it subsided shortly thereafter.
Needless to say, this was such a terrible experience. I hope that I am never in a position where I have to go back to the hospital, but if I were, I wonder if it would be better to just end my life. It was just an awful experience and something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I'm afraid to ever be in one of these places again. I actually feel like it traumatized me more than anything.
I'm not even that bad of a person. I minded my own business, didn't bother anyone, and tried to think about everything that was bothering me.
Is this a normal experience? Is this what usually happens? I appreciate any input!