I’m not even sure where to begin. Life has taken a wretched
turn after many years of good times. It’s normal, I guess, for there to be ups
and downs. It is funny though that what I previously thought of as downs
weren’t so down. Now they almost seem like almost ups. Ha.
Things were going well in our lives; or, at least, we should
have thought they were. While financially things were tight, they weren’t
disastrous. We couldn’t afford luxuries, but we had everything we needed and
some of what we wanted. Now we’re lucky to be able to afford the things we
need. It’s a struggle.
I lost my job in February; we were fine (with severance, tax
returns, what little savings we had) through June. I started a job in June but
it was a 70% reduction in income.
My husband has not worked since we’ve been together (nearly
10 years). That worked for us for a lot of reasons. Now with the unemployment
rate so high it is nearly impossible to re-enter the workforce. There are other
factors too. My husband, while extremely intelligent, also has Aspergers. His extreme
focus can either be his savior or his demon. He sometimes can’t think outside
of the straight line path he has chosen and at other times he cannot focus on
the immediate important decisions because his mind has wandered into the land
The bottom line is that we are struggling and it’s so very
hard. I don’t think my husband is fully aware of the struggle and just how much
of a toll it’s taking on me.
Yesterday I was contacted to interview for a job in another
state. I am excited for the opportunity and know that if the job is offered to
me I will take it. No question. I have to take the job.
My husband has looked for work, but has had no interviews
(I’ve had less than five myself – and I’m a licensed professional with 17 years
of experience). So, he has focused his time and energy over the past several
weeks on getting formal (documented) education in a new and upcoming field; one
that ties two of his biggest interests together – health care and information
technology. He has been reasonably successful in getting various forms of
financial aid (even if some of it is loans – UGH) and is now scheduled to be
taking classes this fall and into the spring. He is upset and frustrated
because if I accept a job in another state it would mean we have to move.
The job I have now is full time, and I work as much overtime
as I can get. I worked 26 of the 31 days in July. Yesterday and today are the
first two days off in a row I’ve had since June 9-10. I work outside wearing a
period costume. It’s hot. It’s humid. And visitors/guests are hot and irritated
too. Don’t get me wrong, I do love the job but it doesn’t pay the bills and
Today my husband has made many comments about how he didn’t
get much sleep last night (his brain was too busy) and that everything is
falling apart, blah, blah, blah. He’s upset because his endeavors with
education may be at risk if I am offered the job in the other state.
And I’m the bad guy because I won’t pursue the idea of
staying here, work the killer job that doesn’t pay enough and open/run my own
business (in addition to working the killer job). I can’t pay for medications,
utilities, anything. And he’s upset because I want to pursue a full time job in
my career that will afford us a better lifestyle than the one we are living
Excuse me for feeling sorry for myself but I can’t afford my
anxiety medications, my family has decided that since he can’t find a job he
must not be looking and therefore they will not help us, creditors are calling
I don’t know how much longer I can take all this.