single mother depressed NEED ADVICE

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raymondfan
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/11/2012 12:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi im nineteen and i have a two month and two week old beautiful little girl. I was with her dad for a year and a half before we had her and ever since ive had her its been going downhill. I really do not want to be with her father anymore. I'm not happy with him at all he doesnt make me happy and i found out that he slept with someone only three weeks after breaking up after being together for a year and a half. I feel like that is disrespectful to our relationship and that if he truly cared he wouldnt have done that. Ever since i found that out I don't trust him anymore and now i'm REALLY not happy so i broke up with him.He also get's in trouble alot and has just recently been charged with DUI and has two charges for robbery. I know i should be single but its hard. i feel lonely and like im raising her all by myself. I stay with my mother by the way and will be going back to school in the fall. I just feel really lonely and my friends rarely text me that much anymore since i cant do the things i used to. I guess my questions are should i stay with him for my daughter? And was it right to leave him ? I dont want to sound conceited but i also left him because i feel like im "too good" for him. I like to have intellectual conversations and talk about what goes on in the world and he's the party type that goes out and gets drunk and barely texts me to have a conversation. I just dont know what to do. If anyone has any advice please REPLY.

Caro11
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 8/11/2012 6:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Raymondfan,

I read your post and it really touched me. You seem very mature and responsable, your daughter is very lucky to have you has a mother :-) I know exactly what you are going through because I've been there. I had my first daughter at 17 and my second daughter at 19 years old. They are 19 months apart. Like you, my friends kind of disapeared, anyways I wasn't in the same reality as them anymore... It's a hard journey that you're beginning but one that is all worth it!

Going back to school is a very good decision. That will make your future a lot easier. I know that you feel lonely right now but take advantage of the situation to get closer to your family. I grown closer to a couple of cousins of mine and we are still very close. When you will start school, you will meet new people, more mature and maybe in the same situation as you. They will become your friends that you will be able to relate to. So hang in there! In the mean time, go visit aunts and cousins ;-)

For your ex (father of your baby), I can not give you advice because it has to be your decision. You wrote that you are unhappy with him, that he makes you unhappy and that you don't have much interest in common. It's a big decision to make but you already have made it. You broke up with him right? Also you mentionned that he has problems with justice... What I think is that what is the most important for your baby is to have happy and balanced parents. It sounds like our ex boyfriend is still very imature and maybe not ready to be a father right now. He needs a little time to get his act together and maybe he will change when he realises that he's missing out on getting to know his daughter and seing her grow up... In the mean time, you have to think of you and your baby! Also, you're very lucky to have your mother with you, I hope you let her know that you're greatful.

I think you will do just fine! If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask! I did a pretty good job myself! Has for now, I'm 36 years old. My daughters are 17 and almost 19. They have both gratuated from ice school and they are both in college now. It's still not always easy with them but we have a wonderful relationship, we are very close. They are the biggest love of my life and it's beautiful to see them grow into women. When they were toddlers, I used to see this day has so far away! But I tell you, time flies by so fast, the next thing you'll know is that she will be all grown up and you will get your freedom back :-)

Oh, and another advice; don't rush into another relationship. Take your time to get to know the person before making a move because you have to make sure that he's going to treat you and your daughter right. You are her only protection so be cautious and continue to make wise decisions.

Hang in there, you're not alone!
Take care,
Caroline

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 8/11/2012 6:37 AM (GMT -6)   
I think you are doing good too by staying with your mom and going back to school. I am really proud of you for that. I think it is wise of you to put space between you and the father right now. Maybe he will mature and get his poop in a group. I hope. Duis are nothing to mess around with. If he gets more, he could go to prison. They are getting pretty strict about that.

I think you are doing all the right things. Have confidence that you are. Continue to be a good mom.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Kaely
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 619
   Posted 8/12/2012 3:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi and welcome :)

Being a good mother is far more important than being with a man. I know, easy to say, not always easy to do. Being alone is rough and lonely but it will not last forever. And you are right, you are 'too good for him.'. I say this because you are taking care of your children and going back to school and he is not.

Yeah so you have to live with your mom while you do this. That kinda sucks but look to the future when you can get a decent job and have your own life. You are doing what needs to be done for your family and that makes you a hero.

Feel free to post here a lot. It will give you people to talk to and be friends with who won't judge you.
Chronic pain, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tennis Elbow (both arms), Arthritis, Diabetes. Ruptured disk L4-L5, Severe degenerative damage L5-S1, L5 Nerve root displacement, ACDF C5-C6

JimGordon
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/13/2012 9:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Should you stay with him for your child? In my humble opinion: HELL NO! Sorry to be so strong in my opinion but children need good role models, not hoodlums that they happen to be bred from.

I will tell you some of my story. My parents split up just before I was born. I have seen my father only a couple of times in my life. He is an alcoholic who tends to disappear for days at a time and can not hold a job. I am close to other members of that side of my family, but not to him. He never tried to get visitation or see me after I was born. This was the greatest thing he could have done for me. I was never confused or disappointed by him letting me down. I was blessed with wonderful grand-parents who were great role-models and eventually a step-father who I despised while I was growing up, but now see how much of a positive influence he had in my life.

I am not perfect nor did I have a perfect upbringing, but I believe with every fiber of my being that not having my worthless father around was much better than if he was.

As for being lonely, sometimes we change and those around us don't. It is hard when that happens and we are left on our own. As difficult as it is, try to keep in mind that you are truly better than them. You are growing and maturing, they are not. My advice would be to embrace school and find those that are more in line with your new intellectual outlook on life. It is hard and lonely, but hang in there and you will see the end of the tunnel.

raymondfan
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/14/2012 2:57 AM (GMT -6)   
WOW Thanks so much for all the advice ! Yeah i start school this semester. I'll be a sophomore at my university now. I didnt know if i should stay with him for my baby so she would have both parents together growing. My parents are divorced and i know how that changed me. I feel that me and her father don't have anything in common. He's not in school, can barely keep a job, manages to always get into trouble, is in a gang, parties, drinks. ever since we were together i've been trying to "change" him. I feel like his mother. I can't talk to him about school or future goals or what's going on around the world. All he talks about is his friends and the latest person to get shot around the hood. ugggh and the MUSIC he listens too ! I don't know if i sound shallow or conceited. When i look at him i just think " I don't want my daughter to marry someone like him." :-( . And then when i look at the things he says on twitter. For example, He talks about sex, gangster life, girls, etc... To me, this shows his true mindset. What I am scared of is me being lonely and him finding another girlfriend that would share the same things we did, even though i don't want to be with him. Selfish I know. My mom tells me to focus on my daughter and my relationship with God and school. It's just hard leaving someone youve been with for a while and have a daughter with.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 8/14/2012 7:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Leave him, in time he might grow up. But focus on your daughter for now. Be a good mommy. He may or may not be in your life in the future, but you will know you did the best that you could.

Hugs, Karen...

Jim Gordon,

Welcome to the forum.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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