Posted 8/14/2012 11:13 AM (GMT -7)
Hello. I'm 18 and I met my best friend about 2 years ago. I quickly fell in love with her, and I told her a couple times in the beginning of our friendship, but she told me she liked someone else, which had me hurt for a long time. I never seemed to have gave up my feelings since she was always still there and I was hurt for a couple of months. Then, it seemed like she started to get feelings for me and she led me on, not once, but twice, and in the end, she was just confused. I, on the other hand, I was hit extremely hard having thought that I would finally able to be with her. To this day, and I have gotten only worse, I live with the feeling of my heart being empty everyday and because of what happened, I stopped caring for almost everything. I don't have hope for anything anymore. My friends are not really there anymore because I kind of ignored them, being how I am makes me a jerk, I know, but I didn't want to deal with anyone. They did try helping me by hanging out with me during the school year, but after I realized it wasn't really working, I became very lonely. I don't know what to say about my best friend. Being with her was the only source of happiness that I have had, and I would hang out a lot with her and talk with her. She does consider me her best friend and tells me that she loves me. However, now, she has slowly begun to fade away from me. She knows I am really depressed, but it doesn't really seem like it matters to her even though she says it does. At this point, I spend my days laying in bed being really depressed and my nights crying in the corner of my room wishing she was still there for me. She recently has started to spend a vast majority of her time hanging out with friends and she has been too busy to talk to me. Before, even with her friends, she would still text me all day, now she doesn't even bother texting me anymore. I know she's enjoying her life and I'm glad for her, but she seems to have stopped caring so much at my greatest time of need. Even though I do still love her and that caused me my depression, she is still my best friend. It hurts me to know that she knows that being with her is my only source of happiness, but she doesn't even bother giving an effort to having us be together. She tells me she really can't have me over at her house, when her other friends are there a lot. Last night, I was almost sobbing and we were talking on the phone, and she left because she had stomach issues. I called a lot of times after because I was still in need of her, and when she answered she told me she was on the phone with another friend, and which only hurt me further. So that's my story. I do still love her, and I think it would hurt more if I just left her alone because I have tried and I only got more depressed when I tried. And now, she seems to not care as much for me even though I'm her best friend. I'm in a horrible time in my life and I don't see it getting any better. Thank you for listening.