not again........

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BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 8/18/2012 12:45 AM (GMT -6)   
some know that I lost my sister to cancer last March, much too early. tonight my brother emailed me with the news that the 'mild' (if it can ever be called that) cancer scare he had last fall has become life-theatening insofar as he's likely looking at losing a kidney next month in an attempt to halt it's progression. I know this is not about me, I can't imagine what he's going thru, especially after losing our sister the same way but I can't help wondering if I can weather this storm again. Gawd, that sounds so.....self-centered......selfish...

I just can't help wondering ***!!!!!!!!!! is going on. If there's a god, I've never seen it....not a bloody hint. I'm just so angry....helpless to help.

Caro11
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 8/18/2012 5:51 AM (GMT -6)   
BrianJ,

I'm so sorry that you lost your sister and for your brothers' illness. I can't imagine what you are going through... You need to stay positive even if it's hard. Your brother is starting his battle, he's not loosing it... Hang on to that.

I hope everything goes well for him. And you must take care of yourself! Try to rest, eat right, and do a little exersise. It will help your spirit.

Have faith,
Caroline

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20227
   Posted 8/18/2012 5:59 AM (GMT -6)   
BRIAN,

SENDING HEALING COMPASSIONATE THOUGHTS YOUR WAY.

KEEP STRONG, WE R HERE 4 U.

JAMIE
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Phil Anselmo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 47
   Posted 8/18/2012 6:11 AM (GMT -6)   
i don't know what to say,i currently lost a very loved family member too.you deserve a big fat hug bro,cry it out,you may feel better,i'm sorry to hear about this.your not selfish,you have the right to be in pain,what happened to you is terrible,it's too early for you to recover from your sister's death,& now your bro is sick,so you have all the rights in the globe to be hurt & angered.stay strong,your brother will need you to be strong for him,
best of luck man.we're all here for you :-)

Post Edited (Phil Anselmo) : 8/18/2012 5:22:57 AM (GMT-6)


UserANONYMOUS
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Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4488
   Posted 8/18/2012 6:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi BrianJ,

I'm sorry for everything you're going through. It's very hard losing a family member or close friend. Please know that we're here for you.

Hope you feel better.

UA

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42495
   Posted 8/18/2012 8:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Brian,

So sorry to hear this. But this gives you reason to head in a healthy direction. Practice staying healthy. Eat right, exercise and all that good stuff. Drink a lot of water. Take care of you. Take this one day at a time. Try not to project towards the future. This is sending you for a loop, but you can control that by living in the moment. I am so sorry to hear this news, but you are going to get through it.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
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Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7436
   Posted 8/18/2012 9:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Brian,

Life has a lot of suffering thrown in with the good. Sometimes it seems there is only suffering.

I am sorry that you can only see the suffering at this time. You are going through some painful things at this time. Grief is a terrible thing to hold on to. You may want to try a Grief support group to process your loss and handle the new crisis.

You are not selfish, your reaction is normal. A visit to your brother maybe helpful. Bonding at the very least.

Keep your self healthy, focus on you so you can be there for your brother.

Stay strong.

Trina
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 8/18/2012 7:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you everyone for your concern and thoughts. I know I have to stay well for my brother and I will. Just today is somewhat better - the initial reaction has kinda run it's course. Now I just feel numb. I left work early last night and went home, took some sleep med and was able to sleep a good 10 hours. Thankfully, he has a wonderful wife so he's not alone in this but I will be going to see him next month fro a time.

It's just so unfair. My sister was only 59 and he's just 55 - both out parents are still alive in their 80's. I gotta stay positive though - it's just so hard after going through the same with my sister.

anyhow, thank you all so very much for your support - I knew I could find that here.

Staying in the Now....

Brian
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7436
   Posted 8/20/2012 9:07 AM (GMT -6)   
God Bless you with strength and peace. When you feel like crying, just crying. There is a healing power in crying. Allow it to happen, there is no shame in showing your sorrow.

It makes the better times all that much clearer.

Stay strong.

Trina
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 8/22/2012 1:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Trina,

Crying is something I've learned to allow myself, l know how cathartic it can be. My daughter, who's just 20, has been a great help and comfort and has helped me stay in the now. She made a comment about how unfair this all is and I said something without even thinking and it made me think.

I said, "That's what life's all about, the good and the bad. It just seems that the bad always affects us more than the good. Try to change that for yourself." I thought about that for a while afterward and realised, hey that's good advice! I'm trying to keep that in mind as the days pass....maybe I can change that for me....

I've not eaten as well as I probably should lately but I have been getting out fishing nearly everyday I'm not working. It's very calming, serene, refreshing and has really helped me keep things in perspective. Today I make a concerted effort at eating well.

Thank you so much EVERYONE, for all your love and support. I wish you all a great week.

Brian
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7436
   Posted 8/22/2012 1:37 PM (GMT -6)   
You are doing very well, keep up the good work and keep posting.
We all support each other here, so you will always be welcome!
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42495
   Posted 8/22/2012 2:38 PM (GMT -6)   
I miss fishing. When I was a kid, all we did was grab a rod and reel, hooks, worms and went. Now there is so much preparation. But I will go one day soon. I remember many early mornings sitting in a boat on the lake. The water so still. Maybe some misty fog and almost always see deer. I really do miss it. Thanks for the memories...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

luckydog1977
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 8/23/2012 1:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Its not selfish. He's your brother and you care. You have a right to be angry with the world. You feel whatever you're going to feel and that's not wrong. Don't invalidate yourself or your feelings. I hope all goes well for both of you.
GAD, panic disorder, bipolar1, GERD migraine with aura, hemiplegic migraine, prolonged q t interval, tachycardia, arrhythmia, fibromyalgia, polycystic ovarian disease, PTSD

Klonopin, Cymbalta, Abilify, Eskalith,Lyrica, Flexeril, TalwinNX, Prilosec, Verapamil, Toprol XL, Synthroid, Lipitor, Phenergan, Melatonin, Multivitamin, B12, b complex, vitamin c, magnesium, vitamin d (50,000iu's prescribed)

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 8/23/2012 4:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Karen,

If you can find a spot where you can fish from shore, the preparation becomes much less. I've been lucky enough to pickup a tiny punt (fiberglass dingy) free and a trolling motor & battery on sale. I actually got the boat more than 6 years ago, needing repair, and just got it together last week.

Luckydog,

thanks - I should know better than to deny my emotions.

Brian
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42495
   Posted 8/23/2012 5:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Brian,

If nothing else, I can go on the river for some trout, but I like bluegill and perch. Bluegill is my favorite. Boy can I ever remember cooking it with frenchfries and coleslaw. The good old days!!!

Thanks for the memories...

Hugs, Karen...

See you helped me and you didn't even know it...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 8/24/2012 2:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Karen,

I am so glad to hear I've been of some help to you! Just proves you never know what someone else needs to hear or how the simplest things can make such big differences.

If I lived anywhere near you (do I?) I'd gladly take you out fishing.

In an effort to help my brother, I posted in the Prostrate Cancer forum here and was immediately met by the same expediency and true concern I've come to recognise here. I was given a couple of resource leads and spoken to with empathy and understanding. I don't expect I'll ever be rid of my present conditions (although improvement is possible) but even if I was miraculously "cured", I don't think I'd ever give up visiting this site.

I've spent years in recovery groups and I don't think I ever felt as much caring as I have here. The people on this site are second to none. What a shame the rest of the world didn't suffer as we do - perhaps they'd be less inclined to kill each other.

Oops, getting a little too philosophical! Anyhow, have a good weekend, get some sun and keep smiling!

Brian

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42495
   Posted 8/24/2012 4:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Brian,

Thanks for the post. You sound good. Though we all have our troubles. I am glad that you found the prostate forum to be comforting. I think this is a pretty good forum all the way around.

I don't know what it is but we do have a special group right now on depression. Everybody is sharing advice and experiences. That is truly special. It makes me so happy too. I am glad you recognize this and feel that even if you get better that you will keep posting. I think I would too.

Thanks for the weekend wishes. I plan on doing exactly that.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 8/28/2012 7:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Karen,

I am feeling better. Getting more and more excited about having my daughter come live with me - she moves in Sept 2. My brother said perhaps I should wait to go out to see him - save the time and expense for when/if things take a turn for the worse - but I think he could use seeing me now. Of course I said I could make more than one trip, 'cause I'd rather see him BEFORE he gets worse (if he does) - I find myself wishing I'd seen my sister more, earlier.

Anyhow, I think I'll go ahead and fly out in a couple of weeks - maybe just show up, y'know? My siblings seems to feel showing that we care is an imposition which is so strange as we all lived through hell as kids and that brought us so much closer. Well, I'll post here again as time passes.

Thanks Karen, for everything.

Brian
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42495
   Posted 8/28/2012 8:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Brian,

I lost a sister to lupus and another to breast cancer back in the 90's. Actually I lost five close relatives in a two year span. And I really didn't spend a lot of time with many of them at the end. I wish I would have. You are fortunate to be able to spend time with him. I hope that he has a good prognosis. I can't remember what you wrote about that (if you did). The only person I was able to spend time with was my grandmother and she had elsheimers. So she didn't even know I was there. My mother and I were at odds. My great aunt lived far away and so did both of my sisters. So do take the time, spend it with him when you can. You will always have your memories.

Thanks for posting and letting us know how you are doing. Keep on keeping on...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 9/15/2012 10:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello,

I hope all are keeping well! My daughter's been with me now for 2 weeks and it's been a blessing. Although she's been very busy with orientation at school, we've had some good talks over good meals and I feel so much more like a Father again! My 3 kids have lived with their Mother for the past 5+ years.

My brother had a kidney removed last week and the testing isn't yet complete. He's home and recovering but having greater trouble with his Thyroid (life-long problem) and is teetering on the verge of Diabetes - all the result of his fight. He's happier and having far less pain so I'd say things are definitely positive.

I haven't been able to get out to see him yet but am hopeful I will before November. All in all, my life is taking a nice upward swing and I'm just gliding with it.

Hugs to All,

Brian
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS

Caro11
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 9/16/2012 9:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bryan,

I'm glad things are better for you and your brother. I thought your advice about the bad in life affects us more then the good is a really nice saying! I will certainly work on that in my life, thank you for sharing that advice :-) I'm also happy that you are blessed with your daughter's presence. I have twice that blessing in my life and concentrate on the good times with them.

Wish you and your family the best,
Caroline

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7436
   Posted 9/16/2012 10:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Bryan,

thanks so much for sharing the good with us. we are blessed to hear that you are doing so good. I believe in the ripple effect. When you share your joy it spreads.

You will most likely find more closeness now with your brother also, illness can do this with people. Remember to breathe and count to 3 before speaking if times become little rough again, it will help bring compassion back.

You are a lucky person to experience the bad and good so close together. meditate on the good and keep it close, it will become part of who you are as you grow.

Stay strong.

Trina
Moderator
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 9/16/2012 6:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Caroline and Trina,

Thank you. I do try to keep the good close, especially during rough times - that's why I had to post about what's happening now. I've found it's just as easy to let the good overshadow the bad as it to do the reverse - it just takes practice.

Brian
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.


- Emerson

Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tourettes, Bipolar, degenerative disc, sciatica, anxiety, RLS
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