I would see the shrink and the counselor too, I do actually see both, and I would cut out the Xanex, its a CNS depressant and long term use can cause depression or worsen current symptoms. No I am not giving out medical advice its just what i've been told by 3 psychdrs and 2 neurologists from my own experience. You propably have a lot of undealt with grief not to mention trust issues from your last relationship and guilt for what you exposed your children to and when is marriage not terrifying? If I were you I would want at least a head start on all of that before I said the forever things. Just my opinion, no judgement, I'm a single mom and a recovering drug addict so there ain't no high horses around here.
Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Brain Tumor 2nd, crainiotomy 2002, radiation 2007, mild scoliosis, carpal tunnel, surgical menopause, 44yrs old and on disability since 2009.