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Mom004
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/21/2012 6:00 AM (GMT -6)   
 

Post Edited (Mom004) : 8/23/2012 7:09:54 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/21/2012 6:33 AM (GMT -6)   
I think you should talk to your doctor, you may have something going on. With your son, have faith. His father might meet him in the bar and have a couple of drinks, and you have no control over that, so it is best that you accept it. Instead of letting it make you anxious. It isn't the end of the world. He loves you. You have that special place his heart, besides it isn't a contest. If you see it that way, you are seeing it wrong. Please talk to your doctor about this and possibly a counselor or therapist. Empty nest syndrome is no fun. But we all have to go through it. I have a grandson that will be 17 next year, and graduating. I feel he is too young to be out on his own, but what do I know??? They grow up so fast...

Take care and keep posting. Let us know how things go.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/21/2012 7:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Accepting is the key. It is hard, especially when our kids are going out on their own. It is really a scarey time for us. But it is something that we can't change. We certainly wouldn't want them living with us forever and not experiencing things for them selves in life. I think seeing a counselor once a month is nice. I go every other month as the distance is far. I hope that things work out for you. Your son knows you love him and that is what counts. Keep posting and know that we care...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/21/2012 2:26 PM (GMT -6)   
You will gradually get use to this. He has to have a life of his own. But being that he is just going down the street is going to make it easier for you. My girlfriend's husband just left today for work in another state. Her daughter is at her grandmother's. So she is spending her first night alone too. She is thinking of things to do to keep her busy. That might help you too. Find something to occupy your time. I crochet. It really helps. And I am going to start painting too. The winter is coming and I am much more secluded. Maybe make a list of the things that you can do to keep yourself busy. Try something constructive. I wish you well...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/21/2012 4:25 PM (GMT -6)   
That is so much easier said than done, getting over it I mean. We all react differently and things aren't as easy for some of us. This is just you and that is okay. I really think you are going to make it. Being that he isn't going to be so far away helps. Take it one day at a time. Stay in the moment. You will get by in time. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling lonely. It is a natural emotion. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

savannah1
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/22/2012 8:05 AM (GMT -6)   
I am so happy that I found this forum. My daughter left for college on Saturday. It is now Wednesday. I am absolutely heartbroken. She moved 4 1/2 hours away. She asked that I don't call her because she wants to be independant so I haven't. We have an excellent relationship and are very close but she wants to see if she can make it on her own. I've told her that she can be independant but still talk to her mom but she doesn't see that. I am sick of reading the advice to just "get a hobby" and enjoy some me time. Easier said than done. Her dad lives only an hour from where she is going to school and while I am thankful that she has him close by, I am also jealous that he will get to spend time with her while I can't. I know that's wrong to feel but I can't help it. I called my mother while hysterical crying just for support and her response to me was to "get over it- enough is enough". My husband told me that he thinks a part of me just wants to be miserable so I am intentionally making myself sad. I am struggling to find my new identity and I am struggling with the thought that my relationship with my daughter will change. I love our relationship. I don't want it to change. I also know that is selfish and I feel guilty for having these feelings. I also feel like there must be something wrong with me that I feel soooooo horrible. I do work outside the home but I am on summer break. I go back next week. Maybe the distraction will help but I work with kids and I just don't want it to be a reminder of how much I miss my own. I feel like a part of me has died and I am mourning the loss of the parent-child relationship I will no longer have. I went to a craft store yesterday and completely lost it when I saw the holloween decorations and pumpkin carving stuff. I will not be carving pumpkins with my baby this year. Any help would be appreciated. I feel like I am so alone and that everyone expects me to just get over it but I can't. I miss my daughter!!!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/22/2012 8:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Savannah,

I think what you are going through is only natural. Sure people tell you to get over it and move on, but that will be in your own time frame. Some people it takes longer than others. I am sure your daughter will be calling you. She is going to miss her mom, but don't be surprised if she calls when things are harder for her because she is use to depending on you. I don't understand her reasoning for you not calling, but I am glad that you are respecting that. Take it one day at a time, I am thinking in my mind, when you go back to work, it will be a distraction. I still carve and paint on pumpkins, it might be fun to do even when alone. I have grand kids though and that helps. Take care of you... Welcome to the forum. I hope that you stick around. Have a good day and take it one day at a time, try to stay in the moment of things, it helps.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

gardensparrow
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2012
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/22/2012 10:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi friend~
 
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with your son going off to college and the possible change in his relationship with your ex-husband. I think anyone in your shoes would be having some struggles with these issues. However, due to the extent of some of the anxiety you shared, I agree with the other posters about looking into some counseling or therapy. Hopefully, a counselor could give you some strategies on how to handle all the emotions you've been experiencing.
 
Also, I'm not sure if you're a reader or not, but have you looked into any of the resources out there on dealing with an empty nest? I know from working at Focus on the Family that there's been quite a few books written on this topic. Off the top of my head, I've heard good things about Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest by Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates and Give Them Wings by Carol Kuykendall. They seem to cover some of the concerns you shared about the choices your son will be making in college and how to deal with his absence. So, maybe you can find them online or at the library? Just a thought.
 
Well, hang in there and know that someone out there is praying for you. ((Hugs))!
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/22/2012 11:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Gardensparrow,

I believe I have welcomed you to the forum before, a while back. But wanted to make sure so I am welcoming you again. Thanks for posting and sharing.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

savannah1
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/25/2012 8:13 AM (GMT -6)   
So things are better. I haven't cried for two days and I think I am getting used to the idea of her not being home. Thanks for letting me vent. I think I just needed someone to understand the way I was feeling. I am sure there will be times that I will cry again but I think the extreme reaction that I had to my daughter leaving has subsided and things are looking up. Thanks again

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/25/2012 8:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Savannah1,

I am so glad that you are feeling better. One day at a time, that is all we can do...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/25/2012 2:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Mom004,

I don't know if you will read this, but was just wondering why you deleted all of your posts. Just curious.

I hope that everything is okay...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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