New Gal here

Hello everyone!

I was searching the net for an active depression BB. This seems to be a safe harbour.

I've been suffering from bouts of depression since I was in college over 10 years ago. But the bouts were short and I could snap out of them. Over the last 5 years I knew something was wrong but I could not see the obvious. I would see that Zoloft commercial. Are you sad all the time? Do you have feelings of isolation? I could say yes to myself everytime and say "not me" ,I'll snap out of it.

I think I was afraid of the stigma of it. Going on meds, going to a therapist, telling people I wasn't perfect. Telling myself I wasn't perfect and I didn't have to drive myself crazy trying to achieve it anymore. That it wasn't just me having a bad day. When did crying every night become normal for me?

So one year later here I am on Wellbutrin and Zoloft. And I don't think I've ever been this excited/terrified at once. My crutch is gone. I wake up to find myself not living the life I wanted. Have I started my own business? Do I travel? Do I have my own home? All my buried dreams came crashing back at me. I've stood still too long but moving forward is SOOO foreign and difficult. But I'm trying. This seems like a good place to start.

purplecrayon

Hi Purple,

Rosie is right, you are on the right track, Congratulations.

It's a natural fear for all people to admit they are imperfect. The amazing thing is that once you do admit you might have at least one or two flaws it makes you stronger! The main reason for this is that it means you have identified something that is wrong in your life that you are unhappy about and are fed up with, a huge step to getting the life you want/deserve...

I wish you all the best in achieving your goals. Remember, it's not the end that matters but the journey, live for the day!

Luv

 Ditto to Rosie. It takes time for things to fall into place. Hang in there!

 

"Lefty"

Purple Crayon

Welcome to the site! I completely related to your message.  I had small bouts during college and have been teaching for seven years  and getting my graduate degree part time. Last 3 years its got much worse

I feel like I have been at a stand still the last three years.  It is has gotten much better because I have been in therapy and working on the meds but I hate the space I am in but I feel angsty what lies ahead.  I can't really say I look forward to anything so much... I just think is where I am at in the process.  Somedays it really feels void.

 

Thank you all for the warm welcome. It is a good feeling that I'm not alone in this. I read this somewhere and i don't know how accurate it is but...they say 71% of people suffer from some form of depression, only 17% seek help ( I like the flipping numbers part). I wish everyone would seek help that need it but I'm glad I find myself in that minority now.

purplecrayon

(thanks for the compliment on the nickname, I love purple)