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Posted 5/11/2005 11:39 AM (GMT -8)
Hello everyone!

I was searching the net for an active depression BB. This seems to be a safe harbour.

I've been suffering from bouts of depression since I was in college over 10 years ago. But the bouts were short and I could snap out of them. Over the last 5 years I knew something was wrong but I could not see the obvious. I would see that Zoloft commercial. Are you sad all the time? Do you have feelings of isolation? I could say yes to myself everytime and say "not me" ,I'll snap out of it.

I think I was afraid of the stigma of it. Going on meds, going to a therapist, telling people I wasn't perfect. Telling myself I wasn't perfect and I didn't have to drive myself crazy trying to achieve it anymore. That it wasn't just me having a bad day. When did crying every night become normal for me?

So one year later here I am on Wellbutrin and Zoloft. And I don't think I've ever been this excited/terrified at once. My crutch is gone. I wake up to find myself not living the life I wanted. Have I started my own business? Do I travel? Do I have my own home? All my buried dreams came crashing back at me. I've stood still too long but moving forward is SOOO foreign and difficult. But I'm trying. This seems like a good place to start.

purplecrayon
Posted 5/11/2005 12:42 PM (GMT -8)
Welcome Purplecrayon!!!

You really put it into words very well!! Just remember you only have take one step at a time. You can set small, medium and large goals . . . but you can only accomplish them one step at a time. That makes it less scary. You have already taken a really LARGE step. Congratulations sis!!! (Well, you've really taken two big steps . . . meds and sharing here . . . are you in therapy?? that's a good start too)

Welcome to HealingWell!
Posted 5/11/2005 11:27 PM (GMT -8)
Hi Purple,

Rosie is right, you are on the right track, Congratulations.

It's a natural fear for all people to admit they are imperfect. The amazing thing is that once you do admit you might have at least one or two flaws it makes you stronger! The main reason for this is that it means you have identified something that is wrong in your life that you are unhappy about and are fed up with, a huge step to getting the life you want/deserve...

I wish you all the best in achieving your goals. Remember, it's not the end that matters but the journey, live for the day!

Luv
Posted 5/12/2005 2:02 AM (GMT -8)
Purple -
I totally understand. I went to college and grad school. Graduated from grad school in 1998. What have I done with my life since then? Gotten a dog that I am not sure likes me (see below post), watched my mom lose her leg (and go back to work within 4 months), moved to a town that I don't know and don't really like and lost my drivers license.
Impressive!!!
I have done some good stuff also but on the scales in my head they don't even weigh out.
good luck,
dammy
Posted 5/12/2005 2:51 AM (GMT -8)
yeah  Ditto to Rosie. It takes time for things to fall into place. Hang in there!

 

"Lefty"

Posted 5/12/2005 5:40 AM (GMT -8)
purpolecrayon nice nickname , welcome to the forums and hope you feel at home here.

I bin through deppresion for several years as well, lost my job and spent 2 years not working turned to addiction but now i'm back to work and trying to deal with life and responsibilaties of it, it's a strugle everyday to work on the little things, like falling asleep at night and waking up, but i keep trying my best

Good luck to you, may god be with you
Posted 5/12/2005 8:06 PM (GMT -8)
Purple Crayon

Welcome to the site! I completely related to your message.  I had small bouts during college and have been teaching for seven years  and getting my graduate degree part time. Last 3 years its got much worse

I feel like I have been at a stand still the last three years.  It is has gotten much better because I have been in therapy and working on the meds but I hate the space I am in but I feel angsty what lies ahead.  I can't really say I look forward to anything so much... I just think is where I am at in the process.  Somedays it really feels void.

 

Posted 5/13/2005 7:42 AM (GMT -8)
Hey PC, sorry I didn't respond sooner. The realization that I didn't need to be perfect, or more importantly the realization that I couldn't be is still difficult for me to get a grasp on. Rosie is right, one day at a time. I would worry about things in the future and it would petrify me from doing anything today to get there. Good luck and yes, I have found a safe harbor here with this family.
Posted 5/14/2005 3:51 AM (GMT -8)
Thank you all for the warm welcome. It is a good feeling that I'm not alone in this. I read this somewhere and i don't know how accurate it is but...they say 71% of people suffer from some form of depression, only 17% seek help ( I like the flipping numbers part). I wish everyone would seek help that need it but I'm glad I find myself in that minority now.

purplecrayon

(thanks for the compliment on the nickname, I love purple)
Posted 5/14/2005 3:08 PM (GMT -8)

Hi,

Your user name looks so familiar.  Were you on Depressionchat for awhile?  Any way. welcome..I am new here as well. :-)

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