wondering what to do.

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 3197
   Posted 9/7/2012 9:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi alll,
I am not new to healing well but I am new to the depression forum. I just got off the phone with my wife. She called me at work crying again. She had a big fight with our 14 year old daughter. She is 33 years old. She is a O.B. Gyn nurse. She has only had 1 child. We have been married 5 and 1/2 years. The year before we married I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I have done remarkably well and have eclipsed the one year life expectancy I was given 6x over and am still doing well.
When my wife is happy, she is full of life and love and laughter. She rides her bike hikes kayaks and is always ready for an adventure. Two times a month. I am guessing she gets sad. She cries a lot and gets angry for little reason. Lately she has stopped doing anything for herself. She is tired all the time. She says she doesnt want to live anymore. She refuses to seek proffessional help. Today I told her There was nothing I could do for her. I told her it could be better but she wont do anything to make it better. I told her she needs to do something or she risks losing me and her daugbter. I feel like a jerk but I cant help it. She does have reasons to be sad sometimes but she says she feels dead inside. I am at a loss. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. Todd

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7291
   Posted 9/7/2012 10:57 AM (GMT -6)   

First congratulations on being a survivor, excellant work!

However, your wife is most likely living each day waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak and it is catching up with her.

Yelling at someone that is depressed won't help, trying to talk to her is a calm even voice that is real, will. Let her know how you feel about the future. Get her talking to you about how she feels about the future.

Then talk about the present, the now. Talk about living in this moment, here. Introduce her to mindfulness and meditation. If she refuses, you actively do it, she sees you becoming more focused and centered...

Plant the seed, then talk about doctors.

Best I can give not knowing your wife or you. Hope some of this helps you.

Stay strong and proactive

Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 3197
   Posted 9/7/2012 12:46 PM (GMT -6)   
No..I am not fed up. Just tired of it. We cant make plans. I never know when sje is going to fall apart. I love her unconditionally. Just not sure how to convince her she needs help.
Dx6/06 age 42 psa3216 bone mets lung mets lymph mets mass growing into bladder
Lupron/Cassodex psa dropped to <0.05 all scans clear on jan. 09
2010/2011 lupron holiday and 6 months d.e.s.
Psa rising 6/11
Bone scan 2/20/12 clearg
cat scan 2/17/12 1 nodule lower lobe right lung 1.5cm square
Completed Provenge therapy June 1st 2012
Restarted cassodex June 5th 2012
Current age 48
Psa irrelevent

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42201
   Posted 9/7/2012 12:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

These guys are right, the best that you can do is encourage her to get help. Practice it yourself and she may follow. It is hard watching somebody with depression and not being able to help them. You are doing the best you can. Have patience, it takes time.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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