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Has anyone alienated others with impulsiveness? (New here)..

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Posted 5/14/2005 2:07 PM (GMT -8)
Hi - I am new here.  Was on the depression/chat board for about 4 years, and unfortunately, it closed down.  I suffered from Depression for about 40 years, and tried all different medications and finally found SAM-e, which I have been on now for a little over two years.  It has been a Godsend.  When I do get depressed, I am able to rebound quickly.

I think one of my issues that I have tried to get a handle on, is impulsiveness.  I tend to get angry and lash out at others, if hot buttons are pushed.  For example - a relative I care about e-mailed something that really hurt my feelings (or that I took as being offensive). I hate it when I do this - and jump to conclusions so quickly.  I didn't "count to 10" and immediately just let my feelings out to her in anger. Some of the words I said to her were just awful, but I kept going on and on just because I felt so upset. I felt better, but alienated her.  To this day, she still has not talked to me and said she does not want a relationship with me, which I have accepted. 

I have tried all types of therapy, self-help books,medication..breathing exercices, anger-management and still I lash out from time to time.  Not physically - but verbally such as e-mails.  Does anyone else have this problem?  I wish there was some way I could not do this, and learn some coping skills that perhaps have worked well for others.  I am so tired of having poor impulse control and alienating others.  Thanks for listening, and I am looking forward to getting to know you all.  There seems to be a lot of really nice caring people here. :-)

Post Edited (Rianna) : 5/14/2005 4:12:44 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/14/2005 5:45 PM (GMT -8)
Welcome Rianna!!

I once had a friend who lashed out at me one time too often and I finally broke contact with her. But she never gave me a reason for her lashing out. It was HER insecurity and feelings of inferiority that caused her outrage. At any rate, I HAVE forgiven her, but I won't give her another opportunity to turn on me like that.

I bet this isn't what you wanted to hear. I battled with myself whether or not to leave it in my post . . . but I feel rather afraid that this is what you are describing above.

Are you sure your anti-d is really enough? One symptom I had as a result of depression is anger. Anger, guilt, withdrawal, insecurity, can all be symptoms of depression. For me, the anger melted away after my anti-d kicked in. I hate to see you burn too many bridges w/o figuring out what is causing the anger. If the anti-d isn't the problem then you should be sure to work this one out with a counselor. It sounds likeyou alread know this is a biggy.

I hope you find lots of support here and I hope you'll keep us posted on this issue.

Oh . . . and some tea for you friend!!

Blessings!
Posted 5/14/2005 9:22 PM (GMT -8)
I am not sure if I can say impulsive, but I am def. compulsive. It has hurt almost everyone in my immediate family. And I am impulsive too, I tend to react rather than act. It is difficult to reprogarm myself to slow down and take the opportunity to act and not let my emotions drive who I am.
Posted 5/15/2005 8:00 AM (GMT -8)
Hi Rianna, I'm new here too. I kind of had the same problem, sometimes I would lash out and other times I would really just pull inside my shell. Either way it isolated me. My therapist told me that a big portion of depression is anger, I was surprised, it never occurred to me I was so angry. Anyways, my meds calmed the anxiety and the depression now I'm just working on my thought processes to keep me steady.

Hope this helps. Take care. Maybe talk with your current physician.

purple crayon
Posted 5/15/2005 2:22 PM (GMT -8)
Thank you all (AlwaysRosie, Randy and Purple Crayon) for your kind replies and warm welcome.  Purple Crayon, were you on depressionchat board?  I have seen your user name somewhere.  I came from there - as they shut down.  This seems to be a nice board.

Always Rosie, I think the SAM-e has definatey helped with my emotions and many people have told me I am a different person that I used to be - but you are right..there is always something more we can do..take..etc..to help ourselves, the problem is..trying to figure out what.  When I was on the Lexapro, Zoloft, and other chemical antidepressants..I didn't feel anything..anger..joy..excitement..frustration..nothing.  I felt like a zombie.

I just wanted to feel something again..so I went on SAM-e and the depression has lifted, yet I don't feel like I am just "walking around..not feeling anything".  However, I do experience the negative thinking at times and impulsive emotions around "that time".  There has to be a way to get in control of my emotions instead of the other way around, and not having to be so medicated with the zombie feeling I had on the chemicals.  Mostly, I do allright most of the month..but during "that time" I feel so irritable, and easily frustrated that I say innappropriate things and turn to anger or sarcasm to feel better.  Thanks so much for listening.

Posted 5/15/2005 4:48 PM (GMT -8)
Hmmmmmmmmmmm . . . that sounds very familiar (about losing control monthly). I haven't had the zombie experience with zoloft or lexapro . . . but my doc lets me adjust my dose under his guidance. Right now (with the longer daylight) I am taking only 1/2 tab per day. For the last couple months I took 1 tab one day and 1/2 the next day. In the short days of winter, I take a daily tablet. I can tell when I need more or less. But, I will say that I have tapered to nothing and that doesn't work either. I hope you are able to find that best med for you . . . even stopping sugar for that 10 days or so may be helpful, getting enough sleep, getting enough protien ???? All I know is that it is very hard living like that . . . you have my sincere sympathy.

Blessings
Posted 5/16/2005 8:09 AM (GMT -8)
Rianna,

I had much of the zombie like feeling when I was on Paxil. It is an SSRI like Zoloft and Lexapro. I had a complete feeling of apathy including if I lived or died. Was not suicidal, just didn't care. Spoke to my Dr. about it and we switched to EffexorXR. It is a different classification of meds than the SSRIs and I have not felt like a zombie since switching. The Paxil was effective in helping me control the anger but it soon began to numb all feelings. Since the switch, I can actually say there are days I feel and inner joy that has been missing is much of my life. That joy is not as frequent as I would like so I continue to work to find it, but it is there and the days inbetween those feelings are decreasing. Good luck, and please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Posted 5/16/2005 3:13 PM (GMT -8)

Thanks for your kind response.  I am considered a very strong person and not on this board for pity or sympathy (I don't think I am dying..sure hope not..lol) and I promise to not pity others but instead provide hope, emotional growth, support, and inspiration. :-)

Sometimes, like everyone..I have my down moments and come on here to share my stories and "vent" a bit.  I feel I have overcome so much in my life..childhood neglect, trauma, emotional abuse, and moving from country to country.  I hope that I can take what I have learned in my 43 years and provide hope and encouragement to others.  I hope I can help others and share what I have overcome, and what resources have helped me.  This is really what I am here for...and perhaps to vent a bit as well when I have my down days. Thanks for listening.  There are some great people on here.

Posted 5/16/2005 5:12 PM (GMT -8)
Hey Randy,

Glad to 'hear' a little bounce in your steep!!! It looks good on you!!


Rianna . . . so sorry to learn of your very distressing experiences! No wonder you have anger! *Rosie gives Rianna a great big hug and walks along with her as they talk* If you don't have a therapist . . . I highly suggest that you go for it! With all the trauma you have experienced, you'll need some help to sort through it and leave it behind you. Please don't allow the past rob you of a joyful future.

Blessings!
Posted 5/16/2005 7:36 PM (GMT -8)
Hi!

I'm new here, too -

And yes, "impulsiveness" is a MAJOR problem with me, as I deal with both ADD and depression. I can't begin to list how many times I've had foot-in-mouth syndrome and how often my big mouth and impulsive actions have gotten me in trouble, including lost me jobs, promotions and raises. I don't even have to say anything really bad or angry - but just not thinking things thru before they pop out, or or leaping to conclusions has caused a great deal of trouble.

I HAVE learned to curb some of my impulsiveness, sometimes, and in some situations. But what i am finding most troublesome now, is that I can't maintain a long term relationship with any group or job, ( much less individual people) because people never seem to forget my mistakes and apparent lack of judgement.

I'm old enough ( 45) that I'm really getting tired of 'starting over' and I'm well known enough in my small community, that bridges I've burned behind me leave me with not many options anymore.

I honestly haven't done anything that was truly bad, illegal or dangerous - and I am truly usually a very 'upbeat' person and tend to be very generous and forgiving of other peoples faults - so why are people so critical when I make a poor impulse move?

Wish I had some good suggestions to offer, but apparently we're in the same boat....

Laura

laura
Posted 5/17/2005 4:19 AM (GMT -8)
Hi Laura, welcome! Your user name looks familiar, were you by any change on AOL depression boards or depressionchat?

Thank you for your message, I truly feel you know what I am going through, and it sounds like you are coping with the same thing. I guess we can encourage and offer hope to each other. I also have not been able to "undo" burned bridges. I have learned a lot in therapy, but still have a lot of work to do, because I seem to forget and then just go on impulsive "rage" again - especially around that time of the month. Hot buttons get pushed and then I don't think before I speak. Like you, I have a good life and am pretty happy, however, have been unable to form long term relationships. I wish someone would just give me some kind of magic pill...lol

There is a self-help book I am reading on Borderline Personality disorder. Have you ever heard of this? It talks about impulsiveness and the steps to get control of it.
Posted 5/17/2005 3:51 PM (GMT -8)
No - never been on AOL - in fact, the only board I've ever belonged to was on MSN - and it's not very active, which is why I searched out this place.

I love to read - I'd be interested if you have the title and author of that book, to look it up and read it. It sounds interesting.

between the ADD and the depression, I am very frustrated with everything.

I am just really tired of trying, tired of being alone, tired of fighting....

I'm just

TIRED.

Laura
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