When I'm in a downward cycle I find myself rereading every negative note, text, email, or message. I save them. I have a folder on my computer filled with them. They come from my now ex husband, my sister (siblings can say some of the most hurtful things) and even my mom.
I go months without even looking at that folder but as soon as I hit a bad spot, like lately, I reread them all. The voice in my head tries to convince me that all those bad things are true about me. I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't think I've even mentioned to my therapist. I know it's weird and I'm afraid it's crazy behavior. My mom threatened to have me committed in the past and now I'm afraid to admit my true thoughts and feelings because I don't want to be committed.
Sheesh, have I mentioned that I have issues? I'm normally not this needy or whiney. I think my grandfather dying has me unable to cope and I don't know what to do.
Nail patella syndrome, osteoarthritis, complex migraines, eosinophilic esophagitis, major depressive disorder, OCD, and fibromyalgia.
Meds: flovent 220 mcg, flexeril 10 mg, zonisanide 100 mg, omeprazole 40 mg, Cymbalta 60 mg