My life dealing with depression

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tcba1987
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/21/2012 11:46 AM (GMT -6)   
I was diagnosed with depression around  15 years ago but i had it had  under control with zoloft for about 8 years, Then i got a major illness and had to have surgery and a colostomy bag since then my health has gone down hill in many ways. I am only 43 years old and i have COPD and Asthma......i have high blood pressure and the colostomy bag......now  i recently was diagnosed with Osteo-arthritis in my hips ....legs and ankles. My depression has gotten to the point where i think about harming myself alot to put a end to all of the pain that i endure. I also have severe "trust issues" with my wife Renee.......she does not deserve this and i know it........its just since i got the colostomy bag and have become unable to work i feel like she deserves a "normal...healthy" man in her life, i constantly have nightmares about her leaving me and  having an affair on me. She has not given me a  reason to even think that she would i am just so darn insecure.......i hate myself for being this way.........i have noone to talk to about my issues that truly understands what i am going through. I was attending counseling through the local Community Mental Health office , which was a  total joke, I had one appointment a  month ........they rushed me into the dr  he asked how i was feeling and asked if i wanted to harm myself and basically shoved me out of the room in a hurry to get his next patient in,he never listened to my feelings or concerns. I put up with that crap for about 3 years and quit going, my family doctor kept me on the zoloft and eventually recommended a great counselor for me to see , i would see her once a week for a hour and we  basically talked about my life........my feelings.........any issues that i was having and she was wonderful and actually listened and helped me in alot of ways . Well unfortunately she has now relocated to another office which is too far away for me to see her , after being with her for 2 years i am LOST. My only option in this area is to go back to Community Mental Health or to not see anyone, i am on medicaid and most doctors in my area do not accept it . I used to be a lively out going person......even when i was depressed i still managed to work and live a semi-happy life, now i dont know where to turn .............HELP  NEEDED 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42304
   Posted 9/21/2012 12:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there, and welcome to the depression forum. I am glad that you found us. I would try to find another counselor. Did somebody replace the one that you had? It is so worth going. It helps us so much with self esteem issues and other personal issues.

I feel that your wife loves you very much. I would not fear her leaving you. Rest assured that she loves you very much and will be there for you. Try not to anticipate the worst. It just makes us that much more depressed.

Have you been on the ostomy site? I am sure that going there would help you. You will know that you aren't alone. I have a friend with an ostomy bag, and she lives a very fullfilling life. It can be done.

Take care and keep posting. Know that we all care about you. Do try to find another counselor. The ones at the first place might have changed and be better.

Continue to live in the moment, It really does help.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7326
   Posted 9/21/2012 3:02 PM (GMT -6)   
tcba,

You have found a wonderful forum to support you! I think Karen is correct and that the Ostio forum will be just as good if not better for you in your struggle.

If you are Church goer, I would consider seeing is there is pastorial councel available, sometimes these turn out quite good.

You wife seems to be very supportive of you, I would talk to her about your feelings of insecurity. Honesty and openness is what is needed when so much illness is going on in the relationship. This way there is no 2nd guessing what the other is thinking. I have been down that road, and it is worse than the reality.

Stay strong and continue to post we are all here to support and listen to each other.

Trina
Moderator
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;
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