60+? Depressed?

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Katya86
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 9/22/2012 7:21 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm looking for a tribe. I'm a retired professor and occasionally-practicing poet. I've been depressed all my life, with active treatment the last 25 years. I have lost interest in nearly everything; there is nothing I want to do. I'd like to know if there are others like me out there. I don't need someone to tell me to count my blessings, etc. I know I have first-world problems; it doesn't make it any easier.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 9/22/2012 8:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Katya86...

We do try to appreciate the good we have, even if it is just a little bit, because that should be recognized to humble us. So we do count our blessings here. So you may hear that from time to time. There are always others that are worse off than we are.

I think you have found your tribe here, but only you can determine that. But there are many depressed members here who understand what you are going through. We are all a work in progress, just at different stages.

We all have problems. No one of us is above that. So we do know how you feel. Life is tough, and being depressed makes it even tougher, but you don't need me to tell you that.

I sure do hope that you feel better soon. Keep posting and know we all care about you.

Hugs, Karen...

PS Welcome to the forum!!!
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Katya86
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 9/22/2012 8:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Karen. I may not belong here. I want to hear from fellow-sufferers. I have a huge sense of humor about my malady so even my plaints are leavened with lightness. I do believe that the blessings we have, the good there is, need not be mentioned. They are a given. I want to dive into the darkness and would like a companion(s). Again, I realize this may be inimical to the philosophy and goals of this form. If so I shall look elsewhere.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 9/22/2012 8:58 AM (GMT -6)   
What do you mean that you want to "dive into the darkness"? We have all suffered in different ways. We are trying to get better, so I don't know if what you want to do would be constructive for a lot of the members here. I guess we will have to see. I don't want to turn anybody away. So I try to keep an open mind.

Let's see what you mean and proceed from there...
 
I reread your fist post.  If you mean poetry, we are all up for that...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7439
   Posted 9/22/2012 10:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Katya,

Why would you want to punish yourself anymore?

Diving into the darkness and wallowing in self pity is not a good plan. I usually am not this blunt, perhaps that is why you have been in active treatment for 25 years. Marinating in your muck just makes it all worse. Eventually even the worse self pitiers realize this and pick themselves up and follow a light to join the world.

We are here to listen to your darkside and help you through we all have one, however we don't claim it.

I like Karen will welcome you with an open mind if you wish to continue to post and be a member of this support site.

I sincerely hope you reconsider and reach out for our support and positivity.

Trina
Moderator
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Katya86
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 9/23/2012 3:13 AM (GMT -6)   
I do not equate diving into the darkness with wallowing in self pity. I am very glad that "pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again" works for the people on this site. Good bye and good luck.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 9/23/2012 7:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Katy,

We will keep moving forward one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Michael In NY
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 9/23/2012 12:03 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm also a retired Senior dealing with depression.  I'm new to depression but doing better today than when it began in January.  Like yourself, I've also lost interest in just about everything but I have some hope this will change.  I did a search and found that 6.5 Million of 35 Million Americans 65+ are depressed which is almost 1 in 5.   I was surprised by these figures thinking it was higher. Depression in Seniors is often ignored because many think that depression is a normal part of aging.
 
Where we differ is that I do count my blessings.  I'm financially well off, have a nice home and other than the depression I'm in very good health.  Million of Americans far worst off than me.  I know this is not what you want to hear but it's what keeps me going and keeps me from feeling sorry for myself. 
 
With 6.5 Million Seniors with Depression in the USA, it's unfortuante that we don't have an online community forum for Depressed Seniors. 
 
 
 
 

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7439
   Posted 9/23/2012 12:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Michael,

we don't discreminate here, seniors are welcome full time! :)

I used to work in Nursing and Rehab centers and I understand your position.

Trina
Moderator
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Katya86
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 9/23/2012 1:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Michael, I never said that I don't count my blessings; I have a number of them, and I'm aware that my depression-problems would be classified by many as "First World Problems." In fact, the comedian Louis C.K. has a very funny riff on how angry Americans are by the very wonders we have in our world. I'm happy to hear that people count their blessings; you said nothing I didn't want to hear; I just don't want anyone to *tell* me to do so, as if that will make it all better. For me, that's wasting time. Relatively speaking, I'm lucky. I know that. I just want to figure out how I can get better and use what I have. I know readers can not believe that I don't feel sorry for myself. Perhaps I should mention I've lost my best-friend sister to Alzheimer's and my long-time love to leukemia. I miss these people, and if that's feeling sorry for myself, very well then, I am loser sopping in self-pity,

It occurs to me (see I can think of others) that your depression might be related to retirement. Even when people plan ahead for this symptom, it can still take one unawares. I was very happy to retire, but was shocked to discover that I felt a loss of identity; I wasn't expecting that. Even though the research I did as a university employee still was viable, it didn't seem necessary anymore.

One of the most difficult things to know is what one wants to do. If you can consider that as honestly as possible and listen to the answer your mind brings forth, you might have a way to begin moving through the 60+ Age of Depression.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 9/23/2012 1:43 PM (GMT -6)   
I have to disagree with you Katy, I think when we do count our blessings, it helps. It is all a matter of positive thinking. It works just like negative. I am sure you have seen people that get told negative things everyday and they start to believe it. I feel that the same goes for positive. If you tell yourself positive things everyday, eventually you live that. So keep an open mind to that. Don't ever give up hope.

I am sorry that you feel that it is a waste of time to be told to count your blessings. But we all have different opinions of things. I am also sorry that you felt a loss of identity when you retired. I think that happens, especially at first. I hope that it changes, the way that you feel that is.

Do keep posting. I don't think it really matters what age we are. I am 53, and pretty much retired. I get a small retirement from my first husband. It isn't much but I get health insurance too, and I am thankful for that. I do count my blessings there. I can't get disability because I don't have enough SS hours in and we make too much money, which isn't much. But we do get by. I feel older than 60 with my fibromyalgia, but I am taking it one day at a time. I am happy and that is what matters I guess.

Have a wonderful afternoon.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7439
   Posted 9/23/2012 3:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Katy wonderful you posted back again!

Since we disclosing I am 51 and yes amount the unemployed for the last year due to my list of "friends" [see my diagnosis under signature]

I worked with seniors for 20+ years and I have to put it out there, depression does no have to be. Even in a nursing home enivronment I have some some amazing people that love life and taught me some lessons that are helping me through my struggles today.

I truly sense some anger in your post and would like you to continue to vent here with us. We are here to listen, support and not judge.

We just see that the good days can out number the bad. Depression is an illness that can be treated and dealt with, like any other life long ailament.

Stay Strong Katy and keep posting we love to hear from you, and anyone that gets Michael posting as to have something special going on! :-)


Trina
Moderator
Be still and know there is Peace.

Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

hope4
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 9/25/2012 5:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Katya - I don't post too often, but I read a lot. I was touched by your post- a tribe, yes, what a great term! It is very difficult to deal with depression for a long time, I know, I have also.
I think I might understand what you are saying about being "told"
how to feel or not feel. At our age, 60's, we have had a lifetime of being told how and what to feel. I know I just want what I am feeling to be honored.
That said, the folks here have worlds of wisdom and compassion. I hope you stick around!
Hope

Katya86
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 9/26/2012 5:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Hope, I think my reply to you was lost; forgive me if this is a redundancy. I want to thank you for your post; it was understanding and gentle. I particularly appreciated:"I just want what I am feeling to be honored." I thought I was going to give up on this site, but your generosity toward me and toward "the folks here" with their "worlds of wisdom and compassion" has given me pause. I realize that I am a little "prickly" these days or as my late dad would put it, "owly." Sometimes one gets so tired of it all.
Anyway, you say that you don't post often; but I'd like to know more about you and how you deal with depression in the 60s. In this day and age that isn't such a great age; I expected to be much more active and productive than I am, but I did get hit with some pesky health problems and the beginning attrition of those near-and-dear to me affected me more than I expected.
I am trying hard to do the right things, but sometimes one gets so tired; I am trying to find new interests to engage me. But enough!
Thank you for your post.
All best,
Katya

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 9/26/2012 6:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Katya,

I am so glad that you found somebody to relate to. Even if it was only one person, at least you connected. I guess what I wrote didn't click with you, but that happens.

I hope that 60's get better for you. As I said before I am 53, I hope the 60's are good to me. lol...

I have been dealing with depression for over 30 years. It is a daily battle, but I have got the upper end most of the time. It isn't easy but it is doable.

Please do continue to post. I am so happy you connected...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

hope4
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 9/26/2012 9:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Katya - Thank you for your kind reply; I am glad that what I offered resonated with you.

I have been retired for about a year or so. A lot of things came together that "encouraged" my retirement then. Like Karen, I have fibromyalgia also, and my job was just too physically demanding. You mentioned health issues too. I wonder if they are contributing to your mood. I have found that , even though I have had fibro for 40 years or so, now I have to be much more mindful of how I feel and what I am doing, (and how I am doing it). My entire life I have "pushed through", and let me tell you, it just doesn't work for me at 60. Or if I do, I am down for a long time. You mentioned that you thought you would be "more productive" at this age. I know the feeling, but maybe it is time for a new perspective at our age. Looking at our activity or outward expression of ourselves differently. Just trying to get around this idea myself, so it is not very clear, I am sure. And we do get tired, dealing with depression throughout our lives. I hope that you have a counselor or trusted friend to talk with.

I will be looking forward to hearing more from you.

Hope

Katya86
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 9/27/2012 5:13 PM (GMT -6)   
As Hope suggested, the pain-diseases certainly contribute to depression. I suffer from Chronic pain and chronic fatigue; I was once diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but the doctor apparently decided it's the former two conditions. There's a fine line between/among them. Since my internist has been reluctant to deal with chronic pain, I've sought help from my psychiatrist, who's turned out to be really more helpful to me, not only as a psychiatrist, but as a medical doctor. When I was working for a living I had very bad migraines; and he prescribed medications for the migraines and the chronic pain attacks. One of these medications was a narcotic, which I was very careful with because I wanted to make sure it would keep working for me. The state I live in has suddenly cracked down on most any doctor prescribing the now-known-as "opiods." The office complex where my internist practices now has a hand-lettered sign on the door announcing "We do not do pain management." I really don't understand what people are supposed to do; I always thought doctors *were* for one's aches and pains.

Now people who suffer from pain must apply (it's like an audition) to a pain management program. There are 3 doctors who are "pain managers" in my (small) city. One must get medical records from one's primary doctor, from any recent surgeries, the recommendation and diagnosis from the doctor and submit it (Mine is a stack of paper about 6" high.) If rejected, one is not told why. Of course all the material has to be original, so if one wants to apply again to another pain specialist, it's start all over again.

I'm writing all this out to let people know what's happening not just in my state, but what is going to happen in other states.

Katya86
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 9/27/2012 5:33 PM (GMT -6)   
This is a reply to Hope. I have read a few of your other posts and you seem to keep quite active despite your fibromyalgia. Are you still volunteering and tutoring? That's quite impressive. How do you manage your fibromyalgia? Nebulous diseases like that seem to get the usual: be sure to exercise, keep mentally agile and have a social network. Do you find that your diet is getting more and more bland? Food used to give me pleasure, but now it seems like if it's not white, I can't handle it! Do you have friends that you can really talk to?

I do have a psychiatrist, but we mostly discuss my symptoms and my medications. I have a therapist whom I see from time to time. I believe she's quite good, but lately I haven't wanted to talk to her. I think it may be because of our differing opinions on Alzheimer's patients. Yes, that's one more thing. My beloved sister, great friend and confidante is now in an assisted living facility 1000 miles away. I suppose one would say she's doing well; but she was the clever one of the family. . . Anyway, my therapist (who also has Alzheimer's in her family) believes that even as one's mind disintegrates, one can adjust and find a peace and happiness in whatever state one's in. Although my sister puts up a great front, when I manage to visit her she will tell me how difficult it is, but that she knows she has no choice so she just deals with it. I have heard relatives of Alzheimer's patients describe them as "happy as clams." My sister's son and daughter-in-law think that of my sister; denial is a powerful drug.

Oh dear, I seem to have gotten off on another negative streak. Yes, losing my best friend and sister certainly is another contributor to my depression. Writing here helps so I guess I will continue to post. Coming up: my gentleman friend who has one of those alphabet diseases that used to be called "pre-leukemia."

I wasn't ready for all of this. That's beside the point. It's happening, and I must deal with it. I'm trying to find a better way than watching television, coming to this forum and going on Facebook with the occasional e-mail connection. All of this is a start I tell myself. And I suppose it's better than just shutting down completely.

Sorry Hope, I wanted to write a clear missive to you, but things keep interfering.
Katya

hope4
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 9/28/2012 7:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Katya - I think you express yourself very clearly. You have a lot going on. I am so sad to hear about your sister's illness. I don't know what stage of Alzheimer's disease she is in, but I know, from years of professional and personal experience, that his disease can break your heart. Loved ones want to "make it better" and we just can't. ( There is also an Alzheimer's forum here that is helpful.)

I might be asking myself how I volunteer as much as I do right now. I have had a very bad flare, and a cold, so I am taking time out to reassess. I like to be involved and with people; my former careers were in the helping professions. So usually I can get passed the fibro and tiredness and get there. Today, I wanted to go to yoga, but it is a no-go, I'm afraid. I am exhausted. That is the good thing about being retired, I can listen to what my body needs.

I hope you have a peaceful day. Keep posting as you can.

Hope

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 9/28/2012 8:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Hope,

I feel for you with the fibromyalgia. I suffer too and it is hard. I hope that you have a good day and thank you for posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

hope4
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 9/28/2012 5:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Karen. I think that getting older with fibro has made things harder.
I want to say what a wonderful job you and Trina and all the moderators do on this website. You are always there with words of encouragement and understanding.

Thank you!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 9/28/2012 6:17 PM (GMT -6)   
You are so welcome. As a matter of fact, it is you all that keep me going...

Hugs...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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