I feel awful because my friend called and left a message on my answering machine about her new guy and that she wants to tell me all about her date with him the other night. I don't feel like dealing with it, and probably will not call her. I know I should be happy for her..and am..but at the same time..feeling sorry for myself and my own lack of any excitement or dating prospects. I try to date..to no avail. It gets tougher the older I get. I know I would feel worse if I were to call her and hear all the happiness and excitement, while I am just feeling so lousy tonight.
Just feeling a bit sorry for myself..and stuck in a rut for the past few days. Tired of seeing good things happen to other people, while I continue to feel stuck in a rut and spinning my wheels. Normally I am a strong person who is for the most part upbeat and always there for others and from what they tell me, give very wise advice and caring and compassionate support. But tonight, I just don't want to hear about her new guy and her wonderful life. Am I awful??
I was told today, that our company is flat lined and the company has been struggling for a long time, and that they may go under. They have tried to make these wonderful changes with the company and redesign the products, but even with all the changes, they are at the same place they were at last year financially. I know it is tough for any company in retail right now. I have seen about 6 layoffs since I have been at this company and have been there a little over two years. Have been trying to find another job to no avail..so I am thinking I will probably end up going "down" with the company and collecting unemployment for awhile. So here I am..at a dead end job..dead end company (or so it seems)..66,000 miles on my car, and althought it is very well maintained and washed..the check engine light has come on once again. Now, I have to spend money I don't have to get it fixed. I am seeing co-workers and friends buying new cars, yet I can't afford one or make the monthly payments, even on a slightly used model. If it were not for SAM-e, I would be feeling so down right now, and having thoughts of suicide. Right now, I just feel discouraged, but not the extreme lows I had before. This too shall pass and have to keep reminding myself of that. Even 10 years from now..if I feel still stuck in a rut, have to remind myself of my blessings, that I have good friends, a nice apartment, college education, two wonderful cats, good health, and a great dad and very supportive people on here. Thanks for listening.