Posted 5/20/2005 11:40 PM (GMT -7)
OK this could get long.
I was good friends with these two girls from about 1989 on. In 2002 one of them (Laura) quit calling me. I kind of wondered what was up but let it slide. Then I found out. She was "worried" about me because of all the medication that I take. So "worried" that she called my boyfriend AT WORK and they discussed it. I was furious - I still am if I think about it long enough.
Anyway, she had all these ideas in her head about what medication I was taking and what it was doing to me - she even accused me of "doctor shopping" to get more meds (which, even with colitis and chronic pain I have never done). She was even generous enough to pass this "information" on to all of our mutual friends.
So for 2 years I "fought" with Laura on the computer - she never would talk to me on the phone. Fought is in quotes because I pretty much listened as she told me all the horrible things that she thought that I was doing (half of which weren't and aren't true). Then last year Laura got engaged. She emailed me all the details and blah blah blah, but I was really upset that I wasn't in the wedding (which I have found out since then she has 8 bridesmaids) even though we weren't really close anymore. I went online and bought her a present and wished her the best and I truly meant it.
Then the other girl, Cathy, got involved. I called her one day and she decided that I was on drugs because I was slurring. Well, first I always slur and second it turns out (I didn't know it at the time) that I had just had a grand mal seizure. So she decided not to talk to me any longer because of my problems and I am too depressed (well not talking to me helps right?). What really gets me is that this a girl (Cathy) that was very close to my family and when I called her when my mother was in the hospital she hung up on me. My mother is getting her leg amputated and this girl has the audacity to hang up on me and to not call my mother?? YES!!!
Then I get an email (this is last year, maybe September or October) from both of them telling me that because they love me so much they can't bear to see me destroy myself, that I need to grow up and get a job and let go of my parents (the 85 year old and the 65 year old one with one leg). I am too depressed to be their friends (Cathy told me that I am nuts).
Laura's wedding is Saturday (today). I never got an invitation. I did send her an email and wished her the best. Then all of a sudden the girl who will never talk to me again emails me. She says she never sent me an invitation because she knew that I wouldn't come (which, of course, makes me want to go) but the email really made it sound like she didn't want me there and I don't really blame her. What I said a long time ago (to Cathy not Laura) is that I couldn't go to her wedding because it would hurt me but also because since Laura has told everyone about my "problems" I felt that it would take away from her day.
The wedding is today and I think I want to go. I just want to sit outside and see her and her husband get in the limo (I really don't want to take away from her day). The strange part - no one will take me. Not my boyfriend, not my mother. Mom says that she doesn't like the way that Laura treated me and therefore won't go. I don't know what boyfriend's excuse is but it is set in stone.
Am I crazy?? Why would I want to go to this girl's wedding after all she has done to me?? I wasn't even really invited. The answer - I don't want to look back and regret it. Ridiculous!!
What scares me the most? How I feel about Cathy!!
I have always been one of those people who if you knocked on my door I would let you in, feed you and help you in any way that I could. But to tell you the truth if Cathy showed up on my door right now I would tell her to go away. Not because of what she did to me - it is what she did to my mom. You know, hurt me all you want but don't even say anything about the people that I love.
Please understand that I watched these two people go through cocaine addiction, excessive alcohol drinking, etc - but I never turned my back on them. EVER. Laura watched me stop taking Oxycontin cold turkey (I hated that drug) but apparently whatever I am doing now is worse. I think that they both know that I have a cyst in my brain (it is small, no problem) but they do NOT believe that I have seizures. What because taking dilantin is fun???
So it boils down to this.
Why do I care? Why am I even considering going to this wedding? These people are never going to be my friends again so why does it matter?? I don't even know them anymore (and in the case of Cathy I don't want to). Why would I want to go to a wedding for a person that I don't know who doesn't respect me and has thirty, yes 30, people in her wedding party?
What am I to do?
It is expected (and hoped I think) that I won't come - which is why I want to. I don't even want her (or anyone to see me).
It is Saturday at 6:00. If I was a drinker I think that I would start drinking now. I can't even sleep because of this whole stupid (and yes I know it is stupid) thing.
Should I stay or should I go?
Frustrated and sad (but not depressed),
Any grand ideas??
Thanks for the help.
I hope that we can all help each other.