I know exactaly how you are feeling, On Feburary 24th 2005 my 19 year old son took his own life. Although you at least underwstood that your husband was suffering from depression and just couldnt find help should make you at least feel better, but it never will. I didn't know my son's depression until after he was gone, and still no comfort for me, not even to this day.
Our lives are forever changed when we lose someone to a tradgey such as this. Parents are supposed to die before their children and at least stay alive long enough to see grandchildren and tell them stories about back in the day.
I sit here trying to find words to comfort you and your family, and I have none. This type of tragedy is unacceptable for anyone to have to deal with. Your pain breaks my heart all over again. I sit here and cry for you and for your kids, and for my family. My son's name was Michael too.
Whether its a father, son, mother or daughter or even a best friend there is nothing in this world that will make you feel better until you are ready.
Greive, and greive and long as you like. Don't let anyone tell you that you need to stop doing it. You have a right, but don't blame yourself, blame no one, and GRIEVE.....
If you want to talk via email please feel free to contact me:
My prayers are with you and your children,
In Love and Faith,