I haven't visited this site for a while. Guess I start coming by when I'm really hurting and don't know where else to go. I have so much pain inside. My therapist is trying to help, but sometimes it seems like it will never end. My life always seems like it's in turmoil and it's been going on for so long. I have been wanting a divorce for a long time now but keep telling myself to stay in there for the kids, don't hurt your husband like that, keep trying. My husband was abused by an older brother and has anger problems because of it. My son now has anger problems too. Now that our son is a teenager it's become a real problem. Now I have both of them putting holes in the wall, or throwing things...Since my first marriage was an abusive relationship it's really hard for me when they're yelling, hitting the walls, throwing things..etc. We have been going to family therapy and my son is in testing then will start individual therapy. Right now he is refusing to take the meds. Things escalated with him when he started lighting fires and got suspended at school for buying a smoke bomb and the police were called because he had a website where a girl put a posting asking him to blow up her locker.. and some other stuff. He didn't get in trouble, but they did talk to him and the girl.
I self injure and now my family knows about it. Unless you also self injure it's hard to understand it. I feel very alone alot of the time.
My mom gave me up after my parents were divorced because her boyfriend wouldn't marry her otherwise. I lived with several different people. I always hung onto the fact that my dad did finally take me. I found out recently that he tried to give me to a home, but they wouldn't take me because I wasn't disabled and he was able to take care of me.
My work has been so stressful. I finally talked to my boss and she has lightened my load tremendously. I am hoping that will help.
I know this sounds like alot of whining. It does to me to. The problem is that is's stuck inside and is so painful. I want it to go away. I am so tired of this. Sometimes its hard to keep going on, the family guilt is the only thing that keeps me trying.
I guess that's it....I'm seeing my pyschiatrist tomorrow to re-evalute my meds. Maybe that will help. Something has got to.
Post Edited By Moderator (CheerDad (Randy)) : 6/1/2005 9:37:18 AM (GMT-6)