Have you thought about talking to a therapist? It sounds like you are carrying a lot of sadness and pain.
I have kept all of my emotions inside for a long time. Three years ago my body decided that it couldn't "handle" them anymore. Thats when I found myself in a severe depression where I was forced to get help. Since then I have been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for my medication.
It has been a long journey in many ways but it has been very healing as well. I am still in the process. I needed to grieve a lot of things in my past that I hadn't allowed myself before. As far as the meds are concerned you may have to try more than one to find the right match. All our chemistry is different.
I hope this helps. This is a great forum. You will find a lot of great support.