Depressed again?

 

I'm at a loss of where to turn right now.  I feel like I'm drowning right now.  I was diagnosed with depression about 4 years ago.  Was put on medical leave from my job for a few months and put on four or five different drugs.  I've been off all depression meds for about a year now...was feeling great...my life was back in order.

 

This past month though, my life has fallen apart.  I feel so overwelmed right now.  I had to have a heart "procedure" at the end of April.  My husband got sick with pnuemonia shortly after.  I found out I have moderate sleep apnea and moderate/servere asthma.  Both of those were a big surprise.  I teach and all the end of year stuff started popping up, I'm also the yearbook advisor and we started having major problems with our publisher and my principal wasn't too happy with me.  Two of my friends are having surgery next week - one on her throat (and she's our music teacher) and the other has skin cancer again on her face...worse this time.  I started to once again have my heart arrhythmia problems and have had to see my cardiologist again for that.  I have to go have another heart "procedure" next week on June 10.  To top it all off, my grandmother passed away quite suddenly on Monday.  Her funeral is Saturday and I'm supposed to be a pall bearer.

 

I feel like I'm numb...in a daze.  I don't know what to do right now.  All I feel I can do right now is survive.  I'm trying to make it through each day.  Sometimes, I feel like it's all I can do to make it through the next hour.  I told my husband that if anything else happens, I'm going to crack.  I can't take any more stress right now. 

 

I'm worried that this isn't a little slump I'm in...I'm afraid that my depression, which I worked so hard to defeat and make it to where I needed no drugs, is back to full force.  I just want to lay in bed and sleep. 

 

I've set a goal for myself to make it through June 10.  After that, a lot of the stress I have should be over...it's only a week away but feels like a year. 

 

Does anyone have any suggests to deal with all the stress I'm having?  Thanks for letting me talk.

 

 Lil

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_{^{Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure. - Douglas Adams}}

 

"Lefty"

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There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

 

I expected to feel different after this.  A lot of the stress is over for now.  I'm glad about that.  I feel like I need to talk to someone about everything that has gone on in my life lately.  I think I may call my the priest at my old parish.  I need someone safe...who won't judge me.  I don't feel like I have that right now.  I tried talking to my husband last night and he kept trying to explain why I felt that way and analyzed everything I said.  I shut down after that...I didn't want to be analyzed...just to talk.

 

I'm leaving tomorrow to visit my uncle.  I think stepping away for all this will be helpful.  I'll be able to look at it from a different perspective.  Thank you for the prayers.  I need them big time right now.

 

 Lil

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_{^{Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure. - Douglas Adams}}