Again this could get long and I am sorry.
First, last night my dad ended up in the ER (in California while I am in Texas). He was released and everything is fine but he is 85 and, this sounds stupid, he is getting old. My dad has never been old but all of a sudden he is acting his age. It scares me.
Second, I went to the doc today for med refills and what not and told him that I think that I am having anxiety problems. He wanted to know why I thought that and I told him about all my stupid, yet neverending, questions. He told me that they were good questions What?? No, fix me - don't tell me that they are good questions!! He did up my Xanax though.
Third, my mom went to the doctor today also and they found a "mass" in her chest. Now I am sure that is probably no big deal but to me, the one who has neverending thoughts, it is HUGE!!! She lost her leg last year and now she has a "mass" in her chest!! She is 65. Her mother died of lung cancer at age 70 and never smoked. My mom smoked - for like 30 years. What is worse (please don't lecture on smoking) is that I smoke. So now all that I can think about is what if my mom has lung cancer and gets sick and dies. That would be half my fault!!!
Plus, she and my dad live 2 hours away from me. They are talking about moving - next March. What if next March is too far away??
And to add insult to injury I have decided that I should have kids - like tomorrow. I am not married (but live with significant other) and am not really in the best health to have kids - nor the best shape financially. But what if I wait and my kids never meet my parents??
When it rains it pours.