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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 6/5/2005 1:12 AM (GMT -6)   
This will probably get long, sorry in advance.  This is my first time in this section, i have crohns disease, so i am usually typing in that forum.  But i also have depression, am on Lexapro currently.  Anyways, i need some help and support.  In Novemeber, my huband, out of the blue, told me he wanted a divorce.  We went to therapy once, he said it helped, then after that first time, he said he didnt want to do it, hes done being married.  he wants to cot have a commitment and be able to do what he wants.  I moved out and he got the house that i adore because i couldnt afford it.  hes a cop, so he found bars and single cops to be enticing to him and that is where he went.  I was going to a therapist while we were married to deal with my crohns but had stopped, felt better.  Well now the divorce is coming to a close within a few weeks, which also would had been 4 years married, June 16th.  I am so upset, i just dont know what to do with myself.  I am back and forth.  First i am sad, then feel better and now i feel depressed again.  I cant go to a therapist right now because i am on his insurance and that is about to change, i have to get my own.  I dont want to start seeing someone and have to change because i changed insurances, so i am trying to hold out.  I am so sad and angry.  I feel like a failure, my sense of security is gone, my home is gone, a lot of my friends arent around anymore because they are all married and have their own life.  I am dating someone who i adore.  I am totally ruining anything that could come from that relationship because i am mopey.  I met him at a time when i felt good about everything and was  dealing well.  He is wonderful and supports me and listens to me but he doesnt have depression and it is hard for him to understand.  ALso, my doctor raised my lexapro dosage, no help.  At this point, i dont know waht to do with myself.  I just want to be happy and put this crappy thing behind me and let the ex go.  It isnt that i want him back, i just want what he took away from me back.  What do i do?  How do i deal with this?  ANd at the same time, because of the amount of stress i am under, i cant sleep and have gained a lot of weight and my crohns is acting up, so i can hardly wait to see my doctor about that on monday and he tell me i need more tests.
Sorry, i could write a book.
If anyone has any advice for me, please let me know.
Thanks in advance.

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 6/5/2005 9:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I am soooo sorry, I don't know what to say..... I think if I were you I would see a therapist anyway while you can still take advantage of your husbands insurance, and when you get your own, if you can't see the same doctor, cross that bridge.....

And you may not want to hear this.... but is jumping into another relationship good for you right now? Maybe you need time to adjust to your loss (it is a loss) first??? Just a thought. I sincerely hope you feel better!!!! Rebecca

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 6/5/2005 11:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Wenders,

You are having a very rough time. That's just the pits. No wonder you are depressed!! I agree with Rebecca, use his insurance while you can.

Not sure if you have thought about the comforts of a church family. Sounds like you could use a good support system. If you are looking for a good, nondenominational church you can go to and click on find a church. It could bring just the encouragement you need.

I know that Chrohn's is a real bear to deal with and all this trauma you are feeling is likely causing you some physical pain as well. Just want you to know that I'm sending you big hugs and a prayer for relief from all this struggle!!

In His Grip,
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 4305
   Posted 6/8/2005 4:51 AM (GMT -6)   
HI Wenders,

I'am sorry to hear that you are having problems at home.I have crohns,ra,oa,and depression also.

I can most deffintley relate to what you are going through.Last October 15,04 my ex-husband came home and told me he wanted a devorce.He said that he was tired of having a sick wife(like I ask to be sick)he wanted a women that was healthy and that could work.

He never phsyicaley abused me but he mentally abused me.He would go day's and not talke to me and make me try to figuer out what I had done.and when he was talking he was all ways telling me that he would never have any thing because I was sick and could'nt work.

There was times that I was scared for my life and safty.He threw me out with no way to go(mad me sell mine because he said we could'nt afford to have two car notes and know place to go.

After being gone from home for the last 24 years I had no choice but to call my dad to come get me.I lived about 500 miles from my family I had no family where we lived just his side and he turned them against me.

I found out later that he had been telling them that I was seeing other men and that was a lie because I can honestley say I did not cheat on him the whole time we were married.

I know that right now it is hurting realy bad but it will get better.I see a theraphist infact I 8;45 appointment this morning.I take Zoloft 100mg and I also take xanx also.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.I will keep you in my thought's and prayers.Just hang in there it will get better.If you would like to talk please let me know.


Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 6/8/2005 7:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Wenders,
     Welcome to our wonderful group. There is only one thing we all have in common and that's the fact that we are depressed for many, many different reasons. Don't feel out of place. If it's support you need, these faithful members will supply it.
     Wow...where to start. Were you or your spouse having problems before he dropped the dime on you? Was there any evidence that he wanted a divorce? I have to ask this but is there another woman involved? It is common knowledge that Policemen and Firefighters are, well, macho men. They "walk tall and carry a big stick". A lot of times it's the stress of their job that causes them grief. My son-in-law is a Leut. with the Jacksonville Fire-Rescue. He is a Paramedic, an RN and is going for his Capt. test. He is very sensative and he lost a baby about 2-3 weeks ago, I can't remember, one day goes into the next. He took it very hard. The elderly and kids are hard for him. When he comes home the following day, (24 on, 48 off), he hugs the kids and kisses my daughter and goes for either a 10 mile run or a 20 bike ride. He is very atheletic, works out and has been in many tri-athalons. He is devoted to his family but he loves his job when he saves a life. When he loses one, it's hard. 
Being a cop is a more dangerous field to be in. How long have you been married? One thing. You shouldn't have moved out of the house. If you have a child, you have every right to keep that house and he will have to either file a "quit claim" or pay the payments plus child support. They are not making it easy on these guys anymore and it's about time the judicial system take a stand for the parents who doesn't want a divorce and has custody. Make sure the child support and alimony comes right out of his check and that it goes through domestic relations. All the other advice would be to pray. Pray that God watches over you and your little girl and that she will adjust to the changes. It's not too late to get him out. Out a restraining order on him. Cop or not!     
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

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