Posted 6/4/2005 11:12 PM (GMT -7)
This will probably get long, sorry in advance. This is my first time in this section, i have crohns disease, so i am usually typing in that forum. But i also have depression, am on Lexapro currently. Anyways, i need some help and support. In Novemeber, my huband, out of the blue, told me he wanted a divorce. We went to therapy once, he said it helped, then after that first time, he said he didnt want to do it, hes done being married. he wants to cot have a commitment and be able to do what he wants. I moved out and he got the house that i adore because i couldnt afford it. hes a cop, so he found bars and single cops to be enticing to him and that is where he went. I was going to a therapist while we were married to deal with my crohns but had stopped, felt better. Well now the divorce is coming to a close within a few weeks, which also would had been 4 years married, June 16th. I am so upset, i just dont know what to do with myself. I am back and forth. First i am sad, then feel better and now i feel depressed again. I cant go to a therapist right now because i am on his insurance and that is about to change, i have to get my own. I dont want to start seeing someone and have to change because i changed insurances, so i am trying to hold out. I am so sad and angry. I feel like a failure, my sense of security is gone, my home is gone, a lot of my friends arent around anymore because they are all married and have their own life. I am dating someone who i adore. I am totally ruining anything that could come from that relationship because i am mopey. I met him at a time when i felt good about everything and was dealing well. He is wonderful and supports me and listens to me but he doesnt have depression and it is hard for him to understand. ALso, my doctor raised my lexapro dosage, no help. At this point, i dont know waht to do with myself. I just want to be happy and put this crappy thing behind me and let the ex go. It isnt that i want him back, i just want what he took away from me back. What do i do? How do i deal with this? ANd at the same time, because of the amount of stress i am under, i cant sleep and have gained a lot of weight and my crohns is acting up, so i can hardly wait to see my doctor about that on monday and he tell me i need more tests.
Sorry, i could write a book.
If anyone has any advice for me, please let me know.
Thanks in advance.