Posted 6/8/2005 1:46 PM (GMT -7)
After speaking with him again, he says that he is just afraid that life is passing him by and he is missing out on something.  With the death that he sees he knows that life is short.  Maybe I am the one with the issue here because I don't want to accept the fact that mabye he doesn't want to be with me anymore.  I don't feel that way either because he says he loves me and isn't sure if he wants to be married anymore or not.  I am so confused.  Do I just leave him and let him see what it is live to be alone or to I hang on for dear life?  I want to hang on because in my heart I think he has some deeper issues. ???????????????????????????? confused
Posted 6/8/2005 2:14 PM (GMT -7)
Has he actually said he'd like to separate? Or he is just going through a mini midlife crisis... Either way I do think Marriage councilling will help, and he owes it to you, your daughter and ofcourse to the marriage itself. He seems to be giving up too easily. The grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence. I think most people know this too. I mean, what are you going to do, let him move out (if he wants to go, let him go, you shouldn't have to leave the house and your daughter. That is the price and consquence of him leaving.) do what he wants to do, date etc...Then when he feels ready to come home again, all will be okay? I'm sorry if what I say upsets you, that is not my intent at all. I just don't think him finding what he is looking for is really out there...What he has is infront of him. You and your child together.


Posted 6/8/2005 2:52 PM (GMT -7)

You are not upsetting me at all.. I am just trying to see what I need to do.  I don't want to smother him, but I don't want him to think that I don't care either.  I just know that everything in our life was perfectly normal until May 04 when he was rushed to the ER with classic signs of a heart attack.  They ran every test they could run.  He was seen by a cardiologist and two different medical doctors.  He then went to a diagnostic clinic, and another trip to a different ER.  He was sent to two different therapist who diagnoised it different.  One said it was anxiety the other said there was some kind of medical reason.  He went to another cardiologist and all of them said it was anxiety.  We went through some many ambulance runs to our home b/c he was convinced he was dying.  He is 33 years old and through this he didn't want me to leave his side.  He didn't want to be left alone.  He thought he would go to sleep and not wake up.  They have him on Lexapro 10mg a day and Clonazepam 1mg three times a day.  He seemed like he was doing fine, he seemed a bit run down, but I figured it was the medication and the fact that if he isn't working at the Fire dept., he drives a gas truck sometimes when they need him and if he isn't doing that, he builds furniture from home.  He is always doing something, so I figure he is just tired until he comes home with the I love you and if it wasn't for Maddie, I'd be better off dead.  They put on medication for the rest of my life like I am some crazy person.  I am a failure and I am just pulling you down with me.  You deserve to be treated better.  You need to go and find someone who will treat you right!!!!!!!  SCREAM!!!!!!!!!  I don't get it... Is this typical of this disorder or could he just be trying to run me off... I don't know.


Posted 6/9/2005 7:52 AM (GMT -7)
There are times in life when people don't know what they want. They are "floundering" and like a fish out of water, flopping around without the feelings of others. Prayer is the key.
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

Posted 6/9/2005 10:50 AM (GMT -7)

He has been on Lexapro since last May... It seemed he was doing well.  He got back to work and even started doing the things on the side that he did before anything happened.  I have an appointment with a therapist on the 30th.  I am still trying to convince him to go with me, but he says it won't do any good at all.  He says that he doesn't like himself and he was not meant to be married... He has even suggested that he join back up in the Marine Corp to get away from everyone because he causes everyone problems.

I am still working on trying to atleast getting him back in to our family doctor and talk with him just to see if his meds aren't working anymore. 

What convinced you to finally go in?  He is just dead set against it and hates the fact that he is on meds at all.  I don't know why he feels this way, because I too am on them.  I was to the point where all I could do was cry because I couldn't fix it.

Posted 6/10/2005 6:54 AM (GMT -7)
With some men it's the macho thing..they view taking meds as a sign of weakness..But he does seem to be getting better...and I hope the regime continues..Please take care and all the best...{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.

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