Hi, Amy and welcome to our group. I am so sorry that you are having a bad time right now. Depression isn't any fun, is it. It would be nice if someone could invent a pill that we could take and it would all be gone, but no one has done that yet. So, we deal with it or it consumes us. At the beginning, we are totally in panic and anxiety moods. After a while we just slump over and let it take over our lives, but Amy, we don't have to anymore. We would still be classified as depressed, but we would be able to manage it through counseling, prescription anti-depressants and the way of thinking.
I love being the one listening and trying to help but lately I have had issues of my own so I go to "outreach". That is this group right here. I see a Psych, but this is my "safe haven" from all my troubles because the group loves, doesn't judge, consoles, understands and gives all the hugs we need.
Amy, there is hope on the horizon. The first thing is that you need to sit quietly and reflect back on your life and write down the positive things you have done so far in your life and then the negatives. See which there is more of and that's where you need to be agressive. Depression is not a "death sentence", it's just a bump in the road. We have to fight it and not let it win, but like myself, sometimes the little creep slithers into my life and then I yell HELP!!! My sisters come and help. Sisters on this board. I love them all. Along with the Lord, they are one constant in my day to day life. You are so young and have a lot of living to do. Music is my passion. It has always been and I sang back-up in a group for many years but then my voice box decided it would not allow me to sing the notes I wanted to. I still sing at home, in the SUV, wherever. Because it is my passion, there is music going on all over my home. I have 6 speakers on this PC alone. When I am depressed, I go into the bedroom, put the TV on to the love songs channel on Dish and no commercials, just beautiful love songs from the past and present. I just take it all in and go through my past and then I can take it down a thousand. Along with the Lord, it gives me hope. My mom used to say to me, "I wish you knew your schoolwork like you know the words to every song". Find something that you have a passion for. Whatever it is that sooths you, do it. When it's all said and done, you may feel calmer and then take the time to once again reflect on your life and where you want to go with it. Read the posts, past and present here, and you can learn how many members had problems and see how we helped them and how they delt with them. Read often. Post often. I will pray for you. God bless!