I would strongly, urgently, suggest that you go see your doctor for detailed work-up. You might have just a chemical imbalance causing you to think like that or you may really have a physical problem. A doctor would be able to rule out lots of stuff and check for lots of stuff.
Please don't ignore this. If you are on an emotional, downhill spiral, it will only get harder and harder to reach out. I hope you'll also keep us up to date on your progress.
Lots of us have felt overwhelmed, down, afraid, guilt, sadness, anxiety. Lots of us have been helped extremely successfully with meds and counseling
If you think you'll have a hard time talking and opening up with all that you've shared above, then wright it down and hand it to the doc when you get to your appointment. ALL that information is important in deciding how best to help you.
Welcome again, and
In His Grip,
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel