Sorry hun that you are having it rough right now. Funny how life just kicks us in the butt and leaves us for dead. There is, however, so many other alternatives to our every day life. You're depressed now because you feel like God abandoned you but, unfortunately He hasn't. You have abandoned Him. You have not because you ask not. Yes, you ask him for things to be better but how far are you willing to go to acheive that goal? How much are you willing to give to have your life turn around? You need to give to get and maybe God has a plan for you. Maybe he wants you to be more positive in your thinking. It took me a long time to go back to my Christian faith but in the past 2 years, things are better for me personally. I still am depressed because I have Lupus but I try not to dwell on it. There is a heck of a lot of people much worse off than me and when you see them, you get humble real quick. I'm not angry at the Lupus or ask God, "Why did you give me this disease", I keep fighting it and not letting it win. I pray all day long. God is in control of my life. I thank Him every morning for allowing me to have another day and at night for getting through that day. Without Him, I am nothing. I told the guys here that God is probably tired of hearing me call his name. I talk to God, I talk to my dogs and when all else fails, I talk to myself. Any way, I don't get no back-talk! I read "My daily bread", a small book my mom gave me, about 200 or so pages and it helps me when I feel like the world is against me. Like I said, humble pie. We have to believe in ourself before we can believe is anything else. Try to have a more positive outlook at life. I know that if you do it one day at a time, you will get better. You could have a lot of support here and we all care about one another. I will pray for you today. God bless and keep your eye on the sparrow!