Wow, your story sounds just like 80% of everyone elses, especially when we first join a new group. We all have different issues but all depressing. Life's not fair sometimes. At times it would be easier to disappear than to go through the motions. NO....you're life can be changed just from taking the first step in which you just did. We have all been where you are now and we can't go it alone. We need others that are in the same boat to understand and sympathize. Some of us have lost loved one's, some are ill, some can't get along in their marriage, some have problems with their children, some have problems with husbands doing things they shouldn't be doing. In any event, we know.
I really get into this because I don't work so I am able to come on and off line whenever I want to. Some or most of the other members have to work, sad to say I wish they wouldn't so I could catch them on line and chat. Kids, ballgames, you name it, they got it. My daughters are grown, married with kids of their own. It's just me and my "DH" and my 2 dogs. That's it. I spend a lot of time alone as my husband goes out of town a lot for his job and travels. Long as I got my 2 babies, I'm OK. I remember the days of kids in the house and being depressed and waiting for the day that they would GET OUT!!! When they did, I missed them. GGEEEZZZZ does anything make me happy, my husband asks?
I am no knowledgeable more than any other member on this board but like I said, I am on a lot. My advice is to go back and read the posts and see what the members are dealing with and the advice they get from one another. It really helps put things into perspective plus you can see the way they post and the format. It makes it easier. No one ever told us life was fair. We didn't know that until we were aware of the things around us. Life's just hard, but the hard makes it better to succeed cause when you do, it's a milestone. One thing you will need to learn. We have all had thoughts of passing and how it would be better, however, you do not own your life to take, none of us do. The Lord own's our lives and He say's when we stay and when we go. You'll go when it's your time. We'll all go when He says it's time. If we could all pick a day to die, the funeral homes and cemetery's would be packed every day. You along with us have been put on this earth to do a service to the Lord and we have got to learn that we can do what we put our mind to do. That doesn;t mean we will be perfect and not be depressed. Depression comes in very different shapes and sizes. Just know that we all here will be there if you need us, and again, read the posts. They will give you hope.