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Julee

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Posted 7/8/2005 8:37 AM (GMT -7)
Well Angel,

396 people have read this string!!! You can see it on the main Depression page.

See, lots of people read who do not post. So you are never alone!!

Blessings!
In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses

Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel

Posted 7/8/2005 9:52 AM (GMT -7)
you know it's a little strange all this anxiety and depression. Its so hard to explain it to people that don't have to deal with it on a regular basis like we do. my mom is always wishing there was something more she could do to make things easier for me and my husband just doesn't understand completely. Then having to deal with the meds. How do the psych determine which one to try or which one would work better and so forth. I just don't know enough about all this to help my family understand any more than I do. Plus, like today. I'm feeling ok today. things have gone well and I feel a bit more upbeat but whose to say next week or three weeks down the rode I won't have another episode is what I call them. Its not like I'm depressed all the time but the majority of the time I am. that's why I'm continuing my counseling. I think no matter what it'll be very beneficial to me. I'm just nervous about trying new meds is all. I don't like the fact i might have to be on them for a while. I guess only the doctors know, then again they need our help too. I'm currently on zoloft and its not working at all. I'm going to start 100mg of it tomorrow.

Oh I got my appointment with the psych for next tuesday. It was that or wait until the middle of august. I didn't want to wait that long and didn't think my counselor would either. So next tuesday it is. I'm kind of scared about it.
Posted 7/12/2005 9:33 AM (GMT -7)
Hey guys. hope all is well. I'm doing ok. I started out feeling great this morning as the day has progressed my mood has gone down a bit too. I've made through two days of work this week so that's good. We have a girl that's totally leaving where i work and I wish it were me going. I'm so jealous. Oh well. I guess my time will come. I can't help but feel this is god's way of saying stay put where you are for now, take care of yourself and then we'll work on a change. That's what I tell myself anyway. I just wanted to say hello. Hope all is well for y'all.

Have a good day.
Posted 7/13/2005 9:30 AM (GMT -7)
hey all hope everyone is doing well. I'm not doing to good today. My anxiety is really kicking in today for some reason. I have no reason to feel like I have today but I just feel down and sad for some reason. Like I want to go somewhere and hide and just have a good cry. People at work are really irritating me today for some reason and one lady is ranting about guidelines and what not and I try not to get to involved cause I have come to realize that some people just aren't happy unless they are complaining. I'm not one of those people company drama drives me nuts some days. I'm just in an irritated mood and just really intruly feel like being by myself. I hate that. the week started off on a pretty good note and nothing at work has happened that would bring me down or at home. That's just how it goes for me one minute i'm up and the next i'm down. other than that at least I made it to work today so I guess that's a good thing. I do hope everyone is well.
Posted 7/13/2005 10:23 AM (GMT -7)
sorry to keep posting so much. Sure wish I could have someone to talk to. Or at least my journal I could write in, but that's at home. I just really feel plum sad today. I don't feel like doing a dang thing but go home and just crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. I think tonight I'll take it a little easy maybe look through a magazine or something. Tomorrow I go see my counselor. that's a bit comforting. Knowing that I'll see her before my pshyc appointment. i've just kind of been all over the place with my emotions and thoughts this week. ok even now i'm having a hard time focusing on this so i think i'm going to go now. I find that once in a while when I write in my journal. I start of writing and wanting to write and then I just can't stay focused.
Posted 7/13/2005 8:05 PM (GMT -7)
Hugs for you sis!! Let us know how it goes with the counselor tomorrow!

Blessings!
In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses

Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel

Posted 7/14/2005 9:39 AM (GMT -7)
hey all. I hope everyone is having a good day. I'm having one of my rare up days. I slept good last night and I have felt good all day. No anxiety or sadness or down moments. even smiling a bit more today. I tell ya its strange this depression it definately comes and goes in waves with me. I'm still going to continue my counseling and see my psych doc. I mean this is just one day that I feel up. I've felt better today than I have all week. It probably has a lot to do with the fact tomorrow is friday. I'm just trying to make the most of today though while I'm feeling good. Work has gone smooth today no surprises or shake ups. that's always a plus. I'm still seeking another job but I'm trying real hard not to put to much pressure on myself. I have another option if things don't work out for me by the end of the year. I still feel like I have a lot to work on and espically with my negative thinking. I think we're all going to beat this. I mean god sure wouldn't put us on this earth and make this feel this way all the time for the rest of our lives. I just don't see it being like that. I think for whatever reason this is his way of saying hey you still have things to learn and unforunately for most of us we have to learn things the hard way. I know I always have. I don't know I"m just trying to think positive about all this. I don't know why god gave me such a rare disease but he did maybe so i can help someone down the road that might have the same thing and I can say hey I truly know what your going through. I don't have the answers. Anyway, didn't mean to rammble just wanted to say I'm having a good smooth day today. First time in a good couple of weeks. I know I'll probably still have pitfalls from time to time and may even relapse into a depressive state again but right now I'm smiling and it feels good to smile. I know tomorrow maybe a completely different story but I'll take the smiles when I can get them.
Posted 7/15/2005 4:48 AM (GMT -7)
dang; definately was having an anxiety attack on the way to work this morning. I felt it come on last night actually and woke up feeling anxiety. I hate that. I'm going to mention that to my psych doc tuesday. That I tend to wake up with anxiety. Totally had the full blown nausea, feeling hot, and twitchy on the inside and just not feeling right. I car pool into work and I just sat zoning out the window telling myself it's friday you have two days off after this everything is going to be ok. Once I got to work and chilled out for a minute I could feel it slipping away. Then I got chilled and the nausea seems to be gone. I don't know why that happens. Now my hands feel kind of clamy and i can tell i'm coming off of it. At least I can recognize the symptoms now. I just hate waking up feeling like that. I felt great just yesterday was having a good day and everything. I just don't know what brings on those attacks. Luckily it didn't turn into a full blown panic attack like I thought it was going to. I just keep talking to myself in my head telling myself everything was going to be fine and that the weather probably has a lot to do with how I feel this morning. Its real humid out today and its going to be hot which doesn't help me at all. I am glad it's friday though. Hopefully I can sleep in tomorrow morning. I don't feel like I slept peacefully last night. Oh I slept until my alarm went off but I don't like it was restful sleep you know what i mean. anyway happy friday to all.
Posted 7/15/2005 3:24 PM (GMT -7)
Hi Angel,

Are you feeling more good days than you were a few weeks ago. Can you gage any steps forward. I know this is usually a process of two steps forward and one step back, but you seem to be having a rough time still. I hope this passes for you soon. Do you have any sort of activity you enjoy where you could spend some energy (hiking, swimming, golf, arobics, etc. ) ? That might help use up some nervous energy.

I've only had one full blown panic attack and I thought I was having a heart attack . . . I'm glad that is not a regular thing for me . . . that is really rough! I feel for you.

Just thinking about you sis.

Blessings!
In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses

Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel

Posted 7/18/2005 4:42 AM (GMT -7)
Hey rosie well right now we've been working on painting our living room and two hallways the last couple of weekends so that helps some on the weekends lately, but that project is nearly done. I enjoy hiking but its so hot right now and humid that its really not good weather to be out hiking. I have thought about taking a water aerobics class. I will have to check on prices and membership cost though. I would love to do something like that. It would be a good way to meet people too. I see my psych doc tomorrow afternoon for the first time and then I see my counselor on wednesday so hopefully I'll know more in a couple of days. My depressive episodes come and go. I haven't felt really really depressed in a couple of weeks now. My anxiety tends to hang around more than my depression does. I'm still going to follow through with this I feel like I need to. I'm worn out today we spent all weekend painting and I'm just plum exhausted today but I made it to work. I do have a lot of nervous energy though I'm one of those that would prefere to be up moving around 90% of my day than sitting all day like I tend to do at work since I sit behind a computer. I had kind of a rough day yesterday though. Its like my brain was moving five times faster than my body was all day long. My husband kept telling me to just slow down and relax cause I kept messing up all day on little stuff. Knocking things over and as I was unloading groceries in the car I dropped one of the bags that had a glass jar of syrup in the bag and it shattered all over the pavement. I was not happy about that. I was like what's wrong with me today. It was really strange. Finally by mid afternoon my husband was like just let me finish up the painting and you go do something else. It was an odd day. I woke up feeling ok but its just I don't know I can't explain it. have a good one.
Posted 7/20/2005 4:43 AM (GMT -7)
well I made it to my appointment yesterday. It was interesting to say the least. I like my doctor so far. He is putting me on 100mg of zoloft and wants me to come in again in two weeks. I was so worn out by the time I got home I couldn't hardly think straight. I'm still pretty exhausted today but I made it to work. I know I'm doing the right thing but its going to be so much work to balance everything out again. I cried so much when I was at my appointment and I'm so sick of crying. I don't know why I did and even he could tell things were just really eatting at me. I guess part of it has to do with the fact it feels good to talk to someone that will actually listen to me and is concerned and I can express my feelings. That's not easy for me to do. Part of it is I don't know how or why I let myself get so torn up inside and I'm tired of that feeling. He wants me to continue with my counselor which I see her tonight. I'm just frustrated with myself right now. I've for the most part considered myself a strong person but apparently I'm not as strong as I have thought myself to be. I just want to keep moving forward and chipping away at all the years of let downs and bitterness and keep working on improving myself. I know somewhere deep inside of me their's a happy person, but I've got to work on some things before that person can shine again. I want to smile and have it feel natural and honest when I smile. anyway, just thought I'd give an update. I'm getting my zoloft filled tonight and will start that in the morning. I just don't understand why he would want me to continue on that knowing that it's not working. He did say that 50mg really isn't enough. He said the dose can go as high as 400mg. I'm just going to do as he says right now. I am mentally worn out today. I have one more crazy night tonight and then tomorrow night i'm going to take it easy. The one good thing is I'm on the down hill slide for the week and I just keep telling myself one foot in front of the other. I shouldn't have to do that, but I do.
Posted 7/20/2005 8:11 PM (GMT -7)
Angel,

I'm not sure from your message if you ARE increasing the Zoloft, or staying at the same dose. You are right, you need to do SOMETHING different. Glad tomorrow will be a rest day for you!!

Blessings!
In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses

Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel

Posted 7/21/2005 4:36 AM (GMT -7)
right now I'm staying on a 100mg at least for a couple of more weeks. I go back to see my psych dr the second week of august and we'll go from there. I had a really good session with my counselor last night. She gave me my first assignment last night. I go back to her the first week of august. I really like her. I know I feel up and positive about things right now because I'm actually doing something for myself on my own terms and it feels good. I'm trying to remain positive about all of this and not get frustrated. I'm also realistic in the terms that I know I could easily have a relapse and go back into depression again but that's why I'm getting help and its a comforting feeling to some degree knowing I have the support of dr's that are going to help me and want to help me. I know this is something I've needed to do for a long time and I'm really going to work hard cause i want a more positive out look on life and sometimes you just can't do that on your own no matter how hard we try some of us just need that little bit of extra help. I feel like I'm going in the right direction and all I want to do is continue moving forward.
Posted 7/22/2005 9:31 AM (GMT -7)
greetings all just wanted to tell everyone to have a good weekend. I'm in a very up mood today which is unusal for me but it is friday and it's nice and sunny out so I know that has a lot to do with it. Have a good weekend and get out and do something fun. I intend to do just that. I think next monday I'm going to start walking for a bit of excersise at work. We have a nice big camposs and lots of room just walk around inside through the halls and what not so I might do that for 15 or 20 minutes after I get lunch. Its a thought anyway. Its to hot to try and do any exercising outside.
Have a good weekend everyone.
Posted 7/22/2005 11:18 AM (GMT -7)
Thanks Angel!!! Back at you sis!!

Blessings!
In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses

Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel

Posted 7/25/2005 4:34 AM (GMT -7)
hope all are doing well. i'm up dressed and on my way into another day. I'm being having a lot of nervous energy this morning. I don't know why. I don't think it's anxiety really just nervous energy. I'm doing ok though for a monday. I had a good weekend and I always hate to see good weekends come to an end. oh well got to get back to the work week sometime huh.
Posted 7/25/2005 4:51 PM (GMT -7)
Glad you had a good weekend Angel!!!! I hope your week goes good as well!

Blessings!
In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses

Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel

Posted 7/26/2005 4:48 AM (GMT -7)
hey all still feeling strangely upbeat these days. I had some anxiety yesterday for some reason. I totally went into that kind of detached feeling at work. It was really weird. I'm doing ok this morning. I just hope this mood continues throughout the day. I never can tell how I'm going to feel from one minute to the next. I'm not one of those that has a constant stabble mood all day long. I might start off in a good mood and by the end of the day could be the complete opposite. anyway just thought i'd say hey. I've done pretty good taking my zoloft. The one thing I have noticed about it the drowsiness really gets me when I'm taking it. I might mention that to my doctor next time I see him. I'm taking it though and that's good for me. I hate taking medicine. Now if I could just get a good routine down with my synthroid I'd be in good shape. Usually when I feel this good is when I start thinking I don't need my medicine and I go off it and it doesn't take long for all the depressive symptoms to come back so even though I'm feeling ok today and feel like all is well I'm going to continue zoloft. Sometimes we're our own worst enemy's at least I am when it comes to stuff like that. I still have to wonder if I'm a little bipolar cause when I have highs like I am right now I'm like everything is fine its going great and it might last a few weeks maybe even a couple of months then bam depressed and said again. I'm hoping that won't happen any time soon. I hate feeling like I did almost two months ago. Gotta keep positive.
Posted 7/26/2005 11:45 AM (GMT -7)
Thanks for the updqate Angel . . . sounds like things are going well!! I remember when I first started feeling good for a long stretch, I was waiting for trouble to find me again . . . but it didn't happen!! Yes, I have everyday ups and downs of life . . . but I don't end up over reacting to things.

Keep us posted!!

Blessings!
In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses

Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel

Posted 7/27/2005 9:37 AM (GMT -7)
good day all. does anyone else find their anxiety is a little bit better when the days are just a little cooler. I feel a little better today. Yesterday the temps got over 100 degrees and my anxiety was through the roof. today I've felt a bit calmer of course its cloudy and a few degrees cooler. I was just wondering if weather effects anyone elses anxiety.
Posted 7/27/2005 9:02 PM (GMT -7)
YES!!! Coller IS better. We had a nice cool one today too.
In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses

Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel

Posted 7/28/2005 9:37 AM (GMT -7)
hey all i'm having an ok day. not good or bad just cruisin through the day. I feel a little sad today. I'm not sure why. I just feel sad for some reason. I did sleep pretty good last night although I have noticed that when I get up in the mornings I have aches and pains like I don't totally relax during the night. I wish I could go home and crawl into bed and take a nap. that's what I really feel like doing right now. I had a hard time getting up this morning. My alarm woke me up but I laid there for like 15 minutes before getting up. I didn't feel like getting out of bed today. I did though. We have reviews at work coming up in the next week or so and I'm pretty nervous about that. Last years review didn't go well at all in fact I didn't get a raise last year and if I don't get a raise this year I'll just go nuts. So I've been worrying about that lately. I know my boss has been working on reviews this week so its just a matter of time. Last year she waited until the end of the day to do mine and I was so keyed up and talk about anxiety. I remember being so upset afterwards luckily it was time to go home, but I was so mad and upset I don't even remember the ride home and I have a good 40 minute commute. So of course I'm feeling anxious about that. I just want it to go well. I don't want her to think I don't care about my work cause I do care but if I don't get a raise this year I may have to seriously look into a new job. anyway just needed to talk today. Really feeling a little flighty today like my mind is everywhere else but where it needs to be. I have a lot of days like that. Oh well I know their's no sense worrying about something that hasn't taken place yet and something that I have no controll over but that's what I do best is worry and in my mind I haven't gotten a raise. I always think worse case senerios. so if i do happen to get a raise this year I'll be that more excited about i, but i know if it doesn't happen anyway see what i go through its constant worry and trying to do right but somehow always managing to mess things up in the process. I'm sure we'll know tomorrow or monday when the exact date of doom's day is and I'll keep you posted.
Posted 7/28/2005 12:37 PM (GMT -7)
Ooooohhhh the dread review!!

So you have a long comute? What do you do on the drive?? I LOVE books on tape. I go to the library e/o/w and check out the books on tape or cd and I listen to them in the car!! I'm quite addicted. You might enjoy them too!!

Have you addressed the chronic sleepiness with your doc?? He may be able to help with that.

Blessings!
In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"

Psalms 139

UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses

Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel

Posted 7/28/2005 12:54 PM (GMT -7)
i knew i should've stayed in bed today. all i want to do is go home. its been one thing after another this afternoon and my nerves are just shot. anyway just need to vent its been one of those days that I'm not with it for some reason.
Posted 7/28/2005 1:16 PM (GMT -7)
i'm just having a really really bad afternoon. My anxiety is hitting and for no apparent reason and I Feel miserable and and I just want to get the heck out of here and go home where i'm safe and comfortable and just try and relax a little bit. I'm sitting here and my whole body just seems so tight and tense at the moment. I just want to scream. I don't know why I feel frustrated suddenly but right now I just want to walk out and go home. i can't do that though but i'm not focusing on anything right now and I feel totally lost and spacey and time seems to have come to a stop. i know it hasn't but it feels that way for me like its not moving and all i want to do is get the heck out of here
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