well

it was nice talkin to some of you but i just smoked my last smoke so im off to the store you guys take care Ciao

god is in my life just in this world today is easy to forget about god i have a goal of becoming a counsiler n helping ppl cuz helping ppl makes me feel good n im glad if i can help someone out it seems so easy to help others out but why cant i help myself out i just keep crashing n trying not to make the same mistakes though it is very hard as i make good choices n things still keep ****in right up n i look at this world and all the wars n poverty may not be right in front of you but its still out there n think to myself what is up with this world how can ppl be so greedy n destructive amongst one another watchin 3 induviduals beat my dad half to death tazer him hit him repidily in the head with a shotgun n slice him up with a knife too only get away with a cell phone n dvd player that they dropped i just dont know how i still somehow keep hope for change like i dont want to go on even tho god is still there somtimes i forget about god n im stuck there with myself n when even i am not there to help myself out i really jsut want to snap n i think i have found myself in a pyschotic state before i remeber barely grabbing a grip n pulling myself together i dunno whats up with my mind ever i barly know who i am i live how the world thinks normal ppl should but it just seems fake its all a act but i can somewhat act normal around friends but the emotions and everythign almost are hidden i catch myself hiding them from myself its so hard to explain but i think maybe some of you relate to some of this sorry about how i babble on i got anxiety n i really need to vent ive had depressin for a good 7-8 years maybe for life n i try n understand it and trying to get through it with out drugs or perscription pills well there you go another bit of word drom curt to anyone who would like to read this :P

Ciao