I've been on meds for 28 years, but for most of those years the meds never really enabled me to function as well as I needed to. I knew that my thinking was a large part of my problem but I didn't know how to go about changing it. For over 30 years I thought that meds was all there was to help because that is all I tried and no doc really pushed any other type of therapy on me. In 1997 I lost my job due to an unpredictable sleeping pattern assocaited with my depression. In early 2000 I left my doc of 15 years for another so I could try different meds without being hospitalized. I went through 7 in about a year and a half, nothing worked any better than my old meds so I went back on them. I was exhausted and I didn't know what I was going to do. I had been praying for several years for help. In late 2000 I came upon a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) home program. I hesitated about ordering it due to the expense and having no job, but I did order it anyway. I was bed ridden on 1999 and 2000 much of the time. I also had some serious thoughts of ending my life then and a couple of years after. But in the first week of beginning this CBT program I felt some security just listening to the tapes. This feeling was like what I experienced when I was young and with my parents. I saw some improvement in the first four weeks, but it took me a long time to grasp the big picture of CBT.
I went through some very hellish times after this. But after 3 years I was much better and felt I was ready to try and work again after 7 years of not working. It took me a year, but now I am working full time again. I do struggle at times, but I know what is happening to me now and I can work on my problems where before I didn't know how to. I am still on meds, but CBT was another tool which has helped me just as much as medicine. I was on anti-anxiety meds for 27 years, but have been off of them now for 19 months. My anti-depressant meds have been reduced about 70% also. It's due to working with the CBT and excercise. I began walking/jogging 2 miles a day 4 days a week about 3.5 years ago and worked up to 3 miles a day and kept this up for 3 years. Both tools, CBT, exercise, plus meds have helped get where I am now. I still have a lot to work on, but I am lot better. I was very sick. I don't come here much anymore, but I did want you to know that our thinking can be a big part of the problem.
I didn't realize how hard I was on myself until I started getting in touch with what I was thinking and writing it down in a journal. I was merciless on myself and literally considered myself worthless. I would have to say that I hated myself and that was a large part of the problem. I really believe that our thinking, which is an electrical and chemical process, affects to a significant degree the level of neurotransmitters in the brain which control our mood and emotions. Some doctors believe this also and one has written several books on depression and anxiety and explains CBT in his books. The Doctor's name is David Burns. I recommend them highly. I believe such help can help us recover, if not completely, very significantly.
If boobaby is still around I hope you will tell her hello for me. She's a very good and kind person. Take care all.
Post Edited (Bryce) : 7/2/2005 3:43:49 PM (GMT-6)