Hi HW Friends,
I’ve been feeling really down and frustrated lately. I seem to be hopeless. I hate to say it but I feel really depressed and it’s getting the better of me…
I thought this feeling was temporary and would go away soon but it keeps getting worst. Each time I think I’m starting to feel better, it only lasts a moment, and then I start feeling worst than before. I’ve realized that all I do is go to work and then back home. I go to PT on Saturdays but it’s a task for me to get up and go. PT is helping me but when I’m depressed I feel like it increases my physical pain.
When I’m home, I spend most of it in my room watching movies after movies over and over again or just doing absolutely nothing. The only time I’m out besides for PT is when I have to do my laundry on a Sunday morning, and that’s just at the back of the house in the washtub. I avoid going anywhere and I don’t know why but I don’t really feel like going out anywhere.
Although I may do well in my studies, I feel like I disappoint my parents especially my mother. She can never be happy with me no matter how good I do or how hard I try because I chose the wrong guy. Knowing I can never make her proud again makes me disappointed in myself. I feel like I can never do anything right no matter how hard I try. Sometimes I think she blames me for the accident as well. I believe it was my fault although everyone says even if I did things differently it could have happened in a different
Work is overbearing to me now but I’ve got to hang on to it. I do need a job. I’m tired of working hard and yet people still take advantage of you since my weakness is I can’t say no.
I’ve been out of psychotherapy more than a month now. I may not be able to go back soon due to work. Now since things are getting from bad to worse, I’ve seem to start back coping with things negatively which I know is harmful for me and not right but I just can’t control myself. I learned a lot of DBT in therapy but…since I’m out of therapy, it’s been hard for me to practice.
I almost made is to a year since I stopped certain negative things. Now I’ve started back these thing before making that one year landmark. I had quit smoking that same time but started back now. My life is falling apart again. I’m falling apart. I’m beginning to give up slowly.
Sorry for the long vent.
Any advice please?
Chronic Pain, Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.