I dont know if this is the right forum, but some of your submissions speak to my situatioin.
I have been married for 24 years, I turned 50 last year. Recently my wife moved to the spare bedroom, citing she wants a divorce. This has been the pattern of our marriage. I get absorbed in my life and work, take my wife for granted and then work hard to repair the marriage, only to find us back in the same place again a number of years later.
I do love my wife very much, I have limited intersts outside the home and work. Physically our marriage has been terrible, its been completely sexless for the last 10 years, and the first 6 years of marriage was also sexless, the in the inbetween years were not great either. We have an 18 year old son. I could point blame, but I have accepted that the roots of the problems are a 50/50 split. I long for intimacy and closeness, its a daily pain, but in many ways also shun intimacy also. My wife has issues with being touched and has never initiated sex, and never responds to my advances.
I have gone to councilling on a few occasions and I have read extensively self improvement books, my wife refuses to go or read. She sayes that I will lie to the counsellor and make it all look like her issue. I used blame my self for the sexless marriage, but now I come to realise that my wife has intimacy issue also.
We are both good people, our relationship used to be built on friendship, we would hold hand and hug, and do everything together, but that seem like another universe now. I dont want to seperate, oddly I am emotionmally very close to my wife, and if the relationship is ok, I function very well. But if she withdraws, I get scared and lonely. That said I have build up a lot of ressentment towards my wife, I feel that she has denied me a life of intimacy, even just sex a few times a year.
For me the ideal out come would be a return to the days when we were best freinds, with a normal sex life, may be twice or so a week. I feel I am not expecting too much.
As my wife is now sleeping in the spare room I am being extremely nice to her, knowing that she will come round.... as she always does. But them again..is she right ; should we seperate?
I would welcome comments and insights...