Welcome to the forum Lake,
I can empathize with your situation and your emotions. I have survived 15 years of emotion, physical and sexual abuse as a child, so I can relate. I don't have children, however I see that as a plus.
I agree with what Carl has explained and offered as advice to you. I usually do, he is such a nice man.
I have to say though I see depression as a an "illness" I don't like the word disease. Sounds fatal. Depression is not fatal, it can be life
opening if we choose it to be. but we have to treat it we the respect the illness deserves.
That means going to a doctor and getting on medication IF that is what you need. Going to a councelor or therapist to talk about
what you have been through and learning to "HONOR" how you survived and teaching your children a better way of treating people. Not that you would abuse them, that is not what I am saying.
Baby steps, first decide you need to step up and reach for help. Your posting here was the first baby step and you should be very proud of that. Now take the next one and call your family doc, start there for a referral or just talk to him/her.
You can do this, anyone with 2 kids and one on the way is strong enough.
Keep posting here, we listen to and we support each other the best we can.
Peace and strength
Be still and know there is Peace.
Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath.
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;