Fish out of water said...
It was in the past. I decided a lot of times to leave him. Because in this process of loving him I had literally lost myself. I can't live without him and even I can't live with him.
Its hurting when we fight so much. We are on talking terms for 2 weeks and then again we fight on something and its good bye for 3 months then again we make it work then talk for 2 weeks and then again put an end to the relation and vice versa. I have lost all my hope for this relationship because of this.
But i'm working on myself now and hopefully i ll come out clean. Thank you for the support. :)
I never had the courage to leave my partner. There are always the memories, good ones and sometime bad ones. For me, things simply drifted to a state where it's beyond reconciliation. I can't stand to be near my partner. And while I was away with my son for holidays, my partner decided then to leave. When we came back, I was told, the marriage was over. I said thank you because, this is the best decision my ex has ever made, was the first time in 10 years that to me was the most courageous and independent answer that came out from my ex's mouth. It's long time coming, it should have been done long before we have gone down the rabbit hole etc. My ex has always been relying on me financially, while draining me emotionally, because everything I do has is never good enough. I am always made to feel guilty if I make the decision to leave because my ex will claim that I am the person who holds the money, etc.
For me, I did still go through the stages of grief, and anger. At the same time, I know there's no way I want to have another 10 years of the same old torture. It was easy for me because the decision was made for me, and I was ready to accept it.
It's hard at first because we have a child together. My in law did help, we had weekend dinner once a week, for a few months, but after 6 months, things are feeling more and more weird. There are still times when my ex will come over and give me lectures about
my life's decision. Nowadays, I can just brush it off. I started to do activities that I like, make new friends and slowly build up my new network. I'm still doing it, by participating in forums like this one so I get to talk to people who are empathetic to listen to my "vent". Human contacts outside of your own comfort zone i.e. your bf if the key to stay strong. If you can find your own support network, you can find it surprisingly easy to move on bit by bit.
I'm not saying it's going to be instant, but once you make the decision and stick by it, you'll be surprise how much can be accomplished within a month if you have your own support group.
You can always drop me a message by clicking on the blue mail logo below my screen name. If you feel that there's something you don't want the whole world to read them...