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Posted 7/8/2005 12:50 PM (GMT -7)
 dam was hoping this day would not come.but today is the day my son and my girl of 5yrs leaves.Didnt want to wake up today but i got to be strong and get through this.It just sux 6 yrs go by and just the other day i find out {still haveing trouble beleiveing this is real} what is wrong with me. i told her i was blinded please understand i never wanted to hurt u if she could find it in her heart to stay and be there with me so i can give her the man she deserves.I did hurt her, gave her nothing at  all. All i  wanted was to be alone all  the time. I just dont know why i was  like this. Cant understand y.i love her y did i do this.I know she still loves me and wants to stay but she is scaried that nothing is gonna change and i dont blame her.But now i see whats wrong i want help i want us to be that happy family but its to late.I just wish she can understand whats wrong and be there.Cause with me finding this out about myself just a day ago and now she leaveing crap this is hard.Its amazeing how i didnt see this its just mind blowing.All these yeras go by and from talking to a friend who lives this for me to realize this is me.And the funny thing is when u talk to ppl who dont understand they think u are crazy lol.I wont lie here i never believed in this either but crap now i do.But later tonite i will be taken them to her sister house and then thats that.Just wish i seen this along time ago before all this happened but  dam how was i so blinded and not thinking this was not ok to be like that. But i cant and dont want to be that moody,angry ,mad,no feeling,being alone person no more. Just wish i can give back to her and fill her heart with love.To everyone out there get that help for that love one that u are with dont let it be to late to save what u got DO IT.For me it was to late in seeing that i have depression and im loseing everything  in my life goodluck everyone.Im glad i found this site to get my feeling out thxs healingwell.
Posted 7/8/2005 1:15 PM (GMT -7)
I'm sorry about this. I'm sure that this is so hard on you and its difficult for people to understand. It sounds like you are frustrated because there is nothing you can do about it. The thing you can do though is talk to someone (counselor, therapist) and get yourself taken care of first. She may just think that you are giving her lip service about wanting to change but if she sees that you want to get better and that you are doing something to help yourself you will be doing yourself a lot of good. She's hurting but not because you intended to do that to her but because she felt abandoned and you are not to blame (its your depression to blame) but you need to get yourself some help. Take care of yourself and keep us updated.
Posted 7/8/2005 2:11 PM (GMT -7)
thxs man.  hey but i keep blameing myself i let her down and now i got to go through this.i agree with the lip thing but y dont she see what it was from being the person i should of been.everything is happing so fast just hard.its really gonna hit me when i come home to a empty house tonight.dam my family is really leaveing wow.
Posted 7/8/2005 6:52 PM (GMT -7)
Well maybe now you will get the help you need, I know it wont be easy for you, but maybe in time you will be able to patch things up, when you start feeling better, or she will see that you are serious about getting the help you need and changing, It may not seem like there is anything positive about all of this, but it may be the beginning of a better life for all of you. Take care and best wishes!
Posted 7/8/2005 7:04 PM (GMT -7)

Hi, I just wanted to say please hang in there and don't give up on your life or your love! Yes, I know you are feeling sad over your girl wanting to leave. But things can still work out for the two of you. You just have to get tough with yourself and make yourself go get some help. A therapist would be a good start. Or you could go to your family Dr and let him prescribe a med to help with the depression. Antidepressant meds do work. I know. I was just like you for well over a year. But the meds have helped to lift me out of the "do nothing" days!!!!!((((((WHAT))))))

Posted 7/11/2005 9:22 PM (GMT -7)
What,Sorry that you are so down,but I do think that alot of us can relate at least i know I can.

Short histery,My ex-husband husband all most a year ago came home and told me he could no longer deal with a sick wife and that he wanted out.I have crohns,oa,ra,.

He told me that he wanted some one that was'nt sick all the time and that could work.Imagen that.Any way I came to my parents and after being seperated for three months he called to tell me that he was filling papers.Our devorce came finale this past May.

He acted like I ask to be sick.I told him that I caould understand it had I had a drinking problem are drug problem that is things that you ask for but I did not ask for the problems that I had.

But to tell you the truth I'am glade to be away from him.Don't get me wrong I loved him with all my heart but the verable abuse was getting me down moore and moore.The tention would be so think in the house that you could'nt cut it with aknife.

Maybe some time apart to wear both of you can have some time to think about what is most imported to both of you.I hope that things work out for you.Please let us know how you are doing.and if you need a shoulder to lean on don't hesatate.

Curley......
a.k.a.mela........
Posted 7/12/2005 9:28 AM (GMT -7)
I am so sorry this has happened to you, but like the cliche goes, "When one door closes, another opens". You sound like a good person and for every action there is a reaction. Maybe God has something in store from you, even though these words will not comfort I am hoping they will give you the drive to go on. When you lose someone you love more than anything, nothing can replace it, or so we think. It is so easy for some to say, "O, get over it", Too bad it's not that easy. I will read your posts and re-post. Hopefully we can help. Everyone is here for one reason or another. You are just part of the group. God bless!

 

"Lefty"

Posted 7/13/2005 8:19 PM (GMT -7)
A hug for you brother!! I'm soooo sorry. Thanks for your written warning to get help while we can. That is sooo true.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Blessings!
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