Sometimes I search the net when I am feeling down and have little energy. Today has been one such day. By looking at what others are saying about their lives, their troubles, and sorrows helps remind me that my life isn't so bad, and perhaps I can go on another day.
I drifted to this site, and this is the first time I have ever responded to any one. However, after reading about your situation I wanted to share with you. I am a male that has been through many years battling depression. I too have taken medication for many years, with counseling. At this time in my life I am at an end, or coming out of a long tunnel with my sadness. My doctor and I are weaning me off of the medication. It is a scary proposition, because I never want to go through any of this again.
Also I am in a unique position, I worked many years as a mental health worker, a register social worker. I left the profession many years ago, and tried a new road, have had some fun doing my present job, so I have stayed with it. But, I have been on both sides of the fence.
The counselor that is (and I use this term lightly) helping your husband (if that person truly has convinced your husband to continue an affair), well then I can only respond with much anger and say that that is a load of crap.
No counselor has the right or merit to suggest one person should do any thing. That is, I would never have made such a suggestion or even hint that it is okay to cheat on a spouse, or leave your spouse. If your husband's counselor did make such a suggestion then they have no business being a counselor. A good counselor, or therapist should only help a person explore the things in someone's life that is contributing to any given situation. Then helping that person come to some kind of terms, and understanding of the situation and/or illness they have. And, most importantly trying to help that person receiving therapy to understand what part of the situation is their own responsibility. What can they do to change their part, or what is called taking responsibility for one's own life.
Eight years ago I had been in a terrible depressive state for a very long time. So long I do not remember how long I had been depressed. It was affecting my whole life, and I didn't even realize my situation. It was Easter weekend. I had three days off. The following Monday, the alarm clock went off and I didn't get out of bed. I vaguely remember telling my wife I didn't feel well, and calling into work. Tuesday, I was still in bed, and repeated the same. Wednesday was the same, and after having a discussion with my wife, I decided something was very wrong, and I had better go see my doctor. I was frozen in bed, hiding from the world. I barely remember getting up to use the restroom. That was the beginning of my worst depressive state.
I have been through a lot in the past eight years. But, I have successfully changed my profession. I no longer am in therapy. And, soon the medication will be gone too. It has been a long process, and there are still days, like today, where I feel "tired". Not physically tired, but tired of living, tired of life, tired of the struggle. But, I have to go on. I am still rising children. My wife and I have two lovely daughters (teenagers), still at home. I owe it to them to keep trying and fighting, but it is my fight not theirs. And, it is my choice to stay healthy, stay married, and be faithful.
My wife! I will have to say that my wife is the single most reason why I am still here today. She is the best. I am truly one of the luckiest guys in the world to have such a wonderful person in my life. She is my bestest friend. We share everything together. I am amazed that she is still with me, because I know I put her through hell and back. But, through it all she stuck with me and supported me, I own her my life.
Kita, we realized a long time ago that a relationship is the single most important thing in life. It is a daily commitment. I remember how lucky I am everyday having her in my life. We both tell each other everyday how much we love each other. A daily commitment. We hold hands, try to do something special for each other once in awhile, have regular date nights, and try to spend alone time just talking. Your husband needs a reality check.
You are doing the right thing in putting down limitations in your relationship. If your husband wants to be married then he should dump the girlfriend, and counselor. It sounds like you need to seek someone to talk with too, so don't be shy in getting some help for you. You need to stay strong for your own sake. You could call and talk to your husband's counselor, and tell the jerk that if he truly is suggesting your husband has an affair then you would have no course than to discuss the matter with his supervisor. (Everybody has one). Even if your husband has not sign a consent giving permission to acknowledge he is treating your husband, you can still have the conversation with him, all he has to do is listen. Who knows perhaps your husband has only interpreted what this counselor is saying, and giving your feedback will help clarify the situation for the counselor.
In any case you are doing the right thing standing up for yourself. I hope this helps a little. Thank you for letting me share a little of my experiences for you.