HI, (and you're not nothing),
I have lived what you are living and it took a very long time for me to realize at the tender age of 18, that it was easier for me to rebel than to work things out. I had some things happen to me when I was younger and the scars will never heal, however, the Lord helps me deal with them. We all have so much we are dealing with now. Everyone has a different issue but basically in the same catagory. Depression is a read illness and can turn our lives upside down. I am so much better as giving advice than taking so I will do what I do best.
My shrink asked me what my goals in life were. I didn't know how to answer him. I didn't want to say things that I know would be impossible for me to key on, yet I thought my head can tell my heart what to do and what was the right thing.
You need to sit on the floor with your legs folded in, very quiet setting and ask yourself first above anything else "what are you're most serious issues"? Write them down. Once you have put all of them on paper, ask yourself what you know you CAN do relating to those issues and if you think you can tackle them one at a time. Then write down your goals. Put down the things you would like to acheive in life. Put down realistically what you know you can acheive. Read my post from today (26). It will tell you how I feel about my life, but I am 55 with a lot of health issues. People think it is so easy to say, "What are you bit***ng about"? There are people worse off than you. YES, there are, but at the present you are working on your own life. If you don't have your life in order, how can you empathize with others. You have to be a caring, sharing person meaning you have to listen as much as you have to share. We will listen. We can ease some of your pain. We can understand and encourage you. You are not at the end of the road. You have a long time for that. As for dying, I think we have all had those feelings at least once in our lives but we dismiss that negative thought, meaning we try not to entertain the idea of "doing ourselves in". You took the first step. You came here and shared. BUT, you have to read the posts as well. I did when I fist came even before I shared and there was a lot to share. From those posts I knew I came to the right place for comfort and support. YOu are welcomed here. We are here. We care. E ,ail me anytime you feel to. God bless!