I can relate. I have lived behind so many different masks that I am often unsure if I know who the real me is. Are you seeing a professional therapist? I know that it has helped me alot over the past few years peel off the layers and get closer to who I really am.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.