Posted 12/25/2013 9:07 PM (GMT -7)
I don't want to annoy you with my post, but I just don't know what to do with myself and search for some advise.
I have always been not a positive minded person, but recently it has gone very bad. Don't know when it started - three years ago, in May 2012, this September, or much more earlier. I have gone through one serious robbery accident in my childhood, even though psychologist said everything was okay - don't know has it affected me now or not.
Main issues that concern me:
- I get irritated and angry very fast without any reason.
- My mood changes rapidly from positive to negative.
- I live not in my home country, I speak the country's language a bit, but get very paranoid and anxious all the time - think that people are discussing me in a bad way or try to make me down, laugh at me, etc.
- I started seeing nightmares or very weird dreams, the sleep doesn't help me anymore to escape from every day routine.
- I think that my boyfriend does not love me / is cheating on me/ does not care about me and does not want to help me with my problems / etc even though I'm absolutely sure in him. Sort of two different parts of me want me to follow different ways of perception.
- I can't find a thing that will make me feel good even for one day long. Nothing I have been interested before helps to get rid of bad ideas, I just don't have energy for hobbies, except reading I guess.
- This academic semester I have taken a lot of additional courses because I thought it will keep me alive somehow and will help me to escape from myself and negative world around, but now I feel much more stressed than ever before because of over-working.
- Today I was not able to stop crying without a reason. "Sober" part of my brain tried to find a solution to stop, but still I was crying like I'm dying for 15 minutes or so, was very hard to breathe and the heart beat was very fast. This happened first time in my life ever, that's why I pay such an attention to that episode.
I just can't decide if I am really depressed, stressed, or that is a normal life of every adult, just everyone else can handle this and I can't. Family members told me to think less about everything, but I can't stop. Maybe they just want to deny existence of my problems, I don't know. Just feeling like I can't move myself anymore anywhere, became very anti-social for the past half a year, also just don't see any sense in life anymore. It has always been a philosophical question, but now I really can't determine my goals and what to do. I got tired of myself, can't sometimes stand my own ideas and thoughts, want my inner voice to shut up and of course can't.
Sorry for so much text, hope someone has faced the same and can share his/her ideas. I just want to feel good again, nothing else I can ask for. Thank you.