Power of prayer. That is something I could never do without. As for myself, I pray to my Lord and Savior, Jesus who died on the cross for our sins, meaning that he paid the price for us. When Jesus said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do", He was referring to the people who put him through the pain and suffering and then nailed Him to the cross. Different people believe in different idols, however, the bible tells the story, the true story.
To answer your question , "I thought God was all forgiving", He is. You haven't surrendered to Him yet. You have to ask Him to forgive you of your sins and come into your heart and be "reborn" as we say. You have to lay all your problems at His feet after you have accepted Him as your Lord and Savior. Once you do, DON'T take those problems back. The passage, "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. Who so ever believe in Him will have everlasting life." That means that when you ask Him to come into your life and forgive you of your sins, you have turned them over the Him and when you do that, and mean it, you will know by your everyday actions if you 100% believe. When you are a Christian and a child of God, you tend to see things differently. Things that are "worldly" will jump out of you. You will know they are wrong. You strive every day to do the right thing. Your biggest issue now is to Admit and turn over your problems to the Lord. We have all said, "If there is a God, why does He let these things happen"? We never question what the Lord does, but let me say that the devil comes between believers to turn them back to him. he is evil, and that's why he tempted Adam and Eve to eat the apple. They did and that was all she wrote. A quote, "We have not, because we ask not" is so true.
To answer your other question, "Am I carryng these sins around with me"? Yes, you are. You have to do what I said in the previous paragraphs. Give those sins to Him. Don't take them back. People are not born Christians. They have to ask for that. Don't ever be sorry for asking questions. That's what this group is all about. Some respond and others have their own "higher power" and I don't criticize them for that. Everyone has their own believes. It's not for us to criticize.
On a positive note, if this helps, I was in the bowels of despare. I was an addict for over 8 years on pain killers, I stole, I betrayed my family and friends, I lied to everyone and cussed their very existince. I am ashamed of that, however, the Lord has forgiven me for all that because I asked Him to come into my heart and forgive me of ALL my sins. They same can happen to you but you have to believe. You will know when that happens. I thank Him when I wake up and when I go to bed and all day long. I say the serenity prayer at least ten times a day. I will pray for you.
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.